FREE ME
by scotsrock04
Summary: Heavy AU. Sports. Drama. Angst. Anthony leaves California and his best friend Ian behind to chase his dreams of becoming an Olympic swimmer. He comes back for spring break after his first semester. He wants to find Ian again. But Ian is nowhere to be found...
1. Prologue - Free

**Title: Prologue**

 **A/N: Stargazing. No special POV.**

"Dude, this is dangerous."

"Oh, don't be such a wuss. Come on, it's safe. I'm out here all the time."

Anthony climbs through the window of Ian's room and joins his best friend on the small roof part right in front of it. Ian is already laying out a blanket for them and is getting comfortable.

"Woah… That is quite… high.", Anthony stutters, trying not to look down but looking down nevertheless.

"Didn't know you were scared of heights…", Ian remarks, a bit impatient now.

"I am most certainly not!", Anthony exclaims, his knees all wobbly and shaky as he makes his way toward Ian. Finally, he reaches him and slumps down next to him.

Ian stares at him and slow claps.

"Well done. Really.", he says, not sounding the least bit impressed.

"The sarcasm is strong in this one.", Anthony responds and punches him playfully in the arm.

Ian falls back dramatically, groaning in fake-pain and pretending to be dead.

"Why, Anthony, why? What have I done to deserve such abuse?"

Anthony just chuckles and leans back, propping himself up on his hands, staring up to the night sky.

"Wow. Not a single cloud. Look, Ian!"

Anthony grabs Ian's arm and pulls him into a sitting position again.

"This is amazing.", he says in awe, throwing his head back to get rid of some strains of hair disturbing his vision.

Ian gulps hard at that. He pulls his knees to his chest, wraps his arms around them and tries to focus on the stars.

"That's what I wanted you to see.", he says quietly, not sure if Anthony has heard him.

They both fall silent and keep on stargazing. This could be the last time they spend alone together.

"When's the big day?", Ian asks. He already knows the answer, but he still can't believe it. So, he has to ask it over and over again, making sure that this isn't just a nightmare he needs to wake up from.

"This weekend.", Anthony answers. He has answered Ian's questions a few times already, but he doesn't get angry or annoyed. It's not like Ian has forgotten. It's the fact that it is actually happening. And that is all kinds of wrong.

Ian sighs deeply. So a few days. A few days left to spend with Anthony. This is just sad, and depressing. He needs to change the topic quickly. Lighter mood. Go!

"So, do you know what you wanna do after high school?", he asks, in the end. This is such a cliche question, and they have talked about this so many times already. Neither of them knows what they are going to do after graduation. But school talk is better than his-best-friend-moving-away-to-another-state talk.

"I'm gonna go to college.", Anthony answers, making Ian jump slightly. He hasn't expected this answer.

"Really? And then?"

"Well, first I'm gonna join the swimming team of my college, train hard, become the best swimmer there is, take part in tournaments, and hopefully get scouted. And then I'm gonna be an Olympics swimmer."

It's like a long, withheld dream that just blurts out of him. A confession. This is his plan no one knows about. Even Ian doesn't know about this. Well, he does now. It seems like there is nothing holding Anthony back, like he has nothing to lose by telling Ian everything now. He is moving away. And he is on his way to fulfilling is dream.

"Wow. I didn't know. You never mentioned that you wanted to become a pro swimmer.", Ian answers, not knowing what else to say. "I just… I just thought you liked water."

"I do. It is the best feeling in the world, when I'm in the water, swimming. The water surrounding me, keeping me safe, but at the same time attacking me. I have to fight it, to tame it. To become one with it. And then I'm… Then I feel free."

Anthony looks over at Ian, who is staring at the sky but is not really here at all. His mind has drifted off, Anthony can tell.

"What about you?", he asks to divert the attention from himself to Ian. "Any plans for the future?"

"Well, let's see…", Ian begins and stays silent for a moment thinking. Should he be sarcastic? Or should he just lie? Or should he tell Anthony the truth? "I'm not sure. Maybe something with drawing. Maybe college, too. I don't know. My grades kinda suck, and I don't think my parents can afford paying for some high-class fancy arts college. Let alone let me apply to one." The truth it is.

"Oh… I see."

An awkward silence settles between them. Neither of them not knowing what to say or tell. This is a first. Usually, they talk and laugh for hours. Ian loves Anthony's voice and smiles. He could listen to him rambling all night long. But today is different.

"You wanna go back inside again?", Ian suddenly asks. "It's getting kinda cold. Don't want you to freeze to death. The world would be missing one hell of a swimmer."

Anthony snickers, then shakes his head.

"No, I'm fine."

Well, this is going great so far. The sarcasm is also strong in him right now. Actually, this is horrible. He knew Ian would be sad when he told him that he was leaving, moving away to go to a very expensive and popular boarding school. However, Ian is killing him right now with his sad puppy dog eyes and that sad, fake, forced smile of his. He needs to do something. He needs to lighten the mood quickly, before it starts falling apart. Which it kinda is already. This is not how he has imagined their last time together. Suddenly he remembers something, rummages around in his backpack he has brought along and pulls out his Gameboy.

"Ready for a Pokemon battle?"

Ian's face lights up instantly. There it is again. That cheeky smile, that fire in Anthony's eyes. Maybe this night won't be that different and depressing after all. Maybe this will be a night just like any other. A night to remember. A night they will look back at later and say "This is when it all started.", since Ian is certain they will see each other again.

Anthony will come to visit him, of course, more than once a year hopefully. Not just for Christmas, but for summer break. And Thanksgiving. And Halloween. And Easter. And for the fireworks on the 4th of July. And when Anthony will get into college, they will continue their meet-ups throughout the year, since there is also like winter break and spring break and Easter break and summer break, which stretches out over quite a few months. They will have the whole summer to themselves. Just the two of them. And Ian will pick him up at the airport after work (he is positive he will have some sort of job). And it will be like old times. He's not even sure right now why he is worrying so much about Anthony moving away.

After all, everything is going to be fine. Right?


	2. Chapter 1 - Ready! Set! Go!

**Title: Chapter 1 – Ready! Set! Go!**

 **A/N: Anthony leaving for spring break. Anthony's POV.**

 _Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus. Forget everything around you. There are no people. There are no competitors. There is only you and the cool blue liquid heaven right in front of you. Close your eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus. Feel to the soft warm breeze brushing against your skin._

"Ready!"

Anthony steps onto the small starting block, his toes clinging to the rim of it. He adjusts his goggles, making sure he has clear vision

"Set!"

He bends down, fingers hovering over his toe, eyes fixed on an invisible point deep down in the water.

 _Breathe in. Breathe out._

"Go!"

He jumps off forcefully, diving into the water at a perfect angle. He comes back up and then he feels nothing but his own heartbeat. He is breaking through the waves, arms moving fast, splashing beads over water everywhere, taking a breath, then his head is back under water, breathing out. Focus. Speed. Movement. Breathing. Tension. He sees the end of the pool, he is almost there. Right before he is about to hit the wall he dives back in the water, making a u-turn and speeding back to the finish line. He doesn't bother looking left or right, so he has no idea if he is in first, second or third place. However, there is no other option than to touch the end of the pool as the first one.

He is close now, only meters away. He hits the wall hard with his palm and looks immediately at the huge scoreboard in front of him.

 _ **1st place: A. Padilla**_

He smiles softly, takes off his goggles and swimming cap, shaking his head, his almost obsidian and now slightly wet hair whirling around him.

"Anthony?"

He looks up and sees his friend Shayne holding out a hand to help him get out of the pool.

"You did it again.", he says, smiling cheerfully, when Anthony is standing right next to him. He is soon joined by his other friends Noah, Keith, Olivia and Courtney.

"This was amazing!", Noah exclaims. "You won by three whole seconds!"

Anthony peeks at the scoreboard again and smiles, blushing a bit. Courtney is hugging him from the side, laughing happily.

"You showed those newcomers what it's like to be a Gator!", she shouts, glancing at the other swimmers, who have just exited the pool and are now panting heavily, clearly exhausted from the swim. Some have even slumped down to the ground and are taking a break.

"They are only beginners, Courtney. I've already had a lot of training. There are some good swimmers. I'm gonna have some serious competition next semester."

"Oh please!" Keith waves it Anthony's words off. "You are so gonna rock!"

Only now does Anthony notice that Olivia is taking pictures.

"Can you please not do that?", he asks her politely but gets a shake of the head in response.

"No way. This is a moment to remember. Everyone! Scoot closer! I'm gonna take a group picture."

She whistles one of the younger swimmers over to her and orders him to take the picture. Anthony shakes his head in disbelief. No wonder Olivia got the job of the swimming team manager.

"Now, smile everyone! This is the end of our first semester! We need to capture this moment for later, when we can tell the press how we supported Anthony throughout his whole career."

Anthony just wishes she would stop with the praising already. He's only been here one semester. A lot can change. He is doing the best he can, he is hardworking, practicing every chance he gets to improve his strokes, his speed, and his stamina. But he also needs to be realistic. The path he has chosen for himself will be tough, so he keeps his hopes low. Not so his friends. They founded the "Anthony Padilla Fan Club" from the moment he met them. They have been very supportive and are truly great friends, but they put a lot of pressure on him without them even knowing.

"Got it.", the young swimmer said. Olivia runs over to him and checks the taken pictures on the display. She signs them off and shoos him away again.

"I gotta get dressed now.", Anthony says, breaking free from the hugs and embraces.

"Oh, right, you're flying home today.", Shayne notices. "When does your plane leave?"

"2:40 pm. I still need to pack."

They all start to walk slowly back to the changing rooms, chatting away cheerfully about their spring break plans.

"I'm gonna fly to Hawaii with my parents. It's gonna be amazing!", Keith says. "What about you, Noah?"

"My Mom wants me to visit my grandparents. They live in Alaska."

"Dude… That's like… cold.", Keith says, his face showing nothing but disgust.

"Yeah. I know." Noah sighs deeply, obviously not looking forward to two weeks of coldness and maybe even snow.

"Well, Olivia and I are flying to New York, city trip.", Courtney tells them, sounding very excited. Olivia smiles along happily.

"Where are you going, Shayne?", Anthony turns to face his best friend.

"LA. I got family there."

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow.", he answers and adds in a lower voice, only audible for Anthony, "I need to finish a paper today. Don't tell Courtney. She is gonna kill me. She helped me with the research and I kinda told her I finished it like two weeks ago."

Anthony suppresses a chuckle and gives Shayne a thumbs up. When they reach the changing rooms, they say their goodbyes, wishing each other an awesome spring break. He hugs Shayne a bit tighter than usual. He is really gonna miss his friend. Honestly speaking, he is not really happy about going back home. But he promised his parents that he would come and visit them after his first semester. He sighs deeply when he watches his group of friends walking away.

He goes over to his locker, unlocking it and taking out a small shampoo bottle and a big towel. After a hot shower he changes into some short sweat pants and a shirt. It's still 79°F right now, which is even too warm for March weather here in Gainesville, Florida. He shuts his locker and is about to leave when he notices someone entering the room.

"JD!", he says a bit louder, at which the taller, brown-haired boy turns around, grinning instantly.

"Hey, Anthony! I saw you swimming! Incredible time.", JD says, walking over to him.

"Thank you, I was hoping you would come.", Anthony says a bit shyly and actually blushing. This always happens. JD is the captain of the swimming team, a year older than Anthony, and his idol.

"Heard you were going back home over the break. Sacramento, right?"

"Yes. And you?"

"I'm gonna stay here at the dorms. I'm holding a course for the newcomers. It's quite packed. I'm not gonna allow anyone bad to join our team.", he chuckles and Anthony joins him.

"So, I'll guess I'll see you after the break. Don't work too hard, okay?"

"Me? Never!" JD walks over to his locker which is opposite of Anthony's. "Will you have the possibility to work on your strokes?"

"I'm planning on doing that. I'll have to go to the public swimming pool, though."

"Shit… it's gonna be crowded in there."

"Well, my parents don't have a pool. So there is no other option."

"No worries. You are in a very good condition. Just enjoy your break."

"Yeah, I'll do that." _No, I'm not._ _I have to train. I have to work harder._ _I'm not even close to being half as good as you are._

"Good." JD throws a towel over his shoulder. "See you after the break, Anthony. Have fun in Sacramento." He glances at Anthony and winks.

"Thanks. You, too."

JD heads off to the showers while Anthony makes his way to his dorm room. JD is an amazing swimmer. No wonder they made him captain of the team. He sighs deeply, a bit frustrated. He is a fast swimmer, yes, but his technique is still not perfected. Sometimes, during a swim, he forgets how to move his arm, or his flat hand hits the surface of the water at the wrong angle, slowing him down. He needs way more training when he wants to get scouted at some point in time.

He keeps looking on the ground while walking down the hallway, when a familiar voice wakes him up from his trance.

"Anthony!"

Simon is standing in front of his room. Anthony smiles at once.

"Hey! Have you been waiting for me?"

"Yes! I'm sorry I couldn't be at the newcomers' introduction event. I was busy talking to my professor about our new assignment.", Simon answers guiltily.

"It's fine. It was over rather quickly.", he answers, pecking his boyfriend on the temple. He unlocks his door and they enter Anthony's room.

"Have you packed already?", Simon asks, plopping down on Anthony's bed.

"Not yet. I'm not gonna pack much though. I mean, it's Sacramento. It's not really that much colder than Gainesville."

"True." Simon snickers, falling to his side, his head hitting the soft pillow. Anthony watches him snuggle into it. He checks the time. He's got some time left to spend some time with his boyfriend, so he lies down on his bed right next to him, facing him, watching Simon closely.

"What's the assignment?"

"Huh?" Simon seems to be in a completely different place. Anthony smiles and takes off Simon's glasses, carefully placing them on his nightstand, before kissing him gently on the lips.

"Where are you, Simon?", he asks, voice lower this time.

"Nowhere… I… I was just…", Simon stutters, his face suddenly turning red.

"What? Tell me. I wanna know what's going on inside that smart head of yours."

"Your arms.", Simon begins quietly, almost as if embarrassed by his words.

Anthony smiles at his dorky boyfriend and kisses him once again, the kiss being more passionate this time around.

"I'm gonna miss you, Anthony.", Simon whispers when their lips part for a moment. "Those are gonna be two very long weeks. You all the way over there in California… And I'm on the other side of the world."

Anthony doesn't really wanna admit it, but his boyfriend just killed the mood. He's thinking about home again, not the kind of thing you want to have in front of your inner eye when making out. So, he breaks off the kiss, forces out a smile and gets up.

"I know."

He goes over to his drawer and starts taking out a few shirts, briefs, socks and pants.

"I'm sorry… I'm keeping you from packing.", Simon utters, puts on his glasses and also stands up. He approaches Anthony from behind and hugs him tightly, wrapping his arms around his waist. "I wanna go with you."

"Believe me. You don't."

It's not that Anthony doesn't want to see his parents. It's the fact that it's 'Sacramento'. It's a thing from his past he left behind, and on which he promised himself to never look back. There are still some memories surrounding that city, bad ones.

"I wanna meet your parents. I wanna see where you were born. Where you went to school. Maybe even meet some old school buddies of yo-"

"Cut it out, Simon.", he says, a bit louder and angrier now. He sighs. Simon is just being nice. Anthony immediately regrets his harsh tone. He puts the clothes on the drawer, turns around and embraces Simon, laying his head on his. He loves that Simon is so short he can actually do that. He then leans down and places a tender kiss on his forehead. "I'm sorry. Maybe you can join me next time, okay?"

"Okay.", Simon agrees with a sad smile.

"You go ahead and enjoy your trip to Europe. I'd rather go with you, to be honest."

Not really, though. He'd rather stay here in Florida, going for a swim every day, hanging out with his friends and learning new and better techniques from JD.

"I really gotta pack up my stuff, otherwise I'm gonna miss my flight.", Anthony finally says, stepping away from Simon and starting to shove the clothes into a big traveling backpack.

"Wouldn't be so bad, would it?", Simon smirks, but his grin quickly changes to a sad face. "Okay, I'm gonna leave you alone now. See you in two weeks then?"

"Yes, see you." Anthony has shoved the last pair of jeans into the backpack before turning around and kissing his boyfriend goodbye. "Take care."

"You, too.", Simon answers and leaves Anthony's room.

Finally. Alone. As much as Anthony likes Simon, he can be really needy sometimes. He's really cute and adorable, but… Anthony huffs. Suffocating. Yes, that's the word. He feels like being suffocated by his boyfriend, which is really hard on him since normally he has no difficulty breathing freely, especially when in the water.

Free.

Anthony scans the room for things he might have forgotten to pack. His eyes wander over to his desk, and out of a habit, he goes through every drawer. Pencils, papers, books, exercise books. Nope. He won't need those in Sacramento. He has passed every single class with flying colors. He is going to allow himself a well-deserved break.

He opens the bottom drawer which is basically full of things he didn't know where to put when he moved into this room. His old Gameboy is one thing among them. Feeling a bit nostalgic he decides to take it with him. He also needs some games to play, though. He kneels down and rummages through the drawer. His hand touches something square shaped, made out of plastic. Pokemon Red Edition. He already wants to get up when he notices a picture sticking out through all the useless stuff. He grabs the corner and pulls it out.

It's him and Ian. In their teens, both around 13 years old. That was the last summer the spent together before Anthony had moved away to that boarding school. And later he moved even further away, to Gainesville, to attend the University of Florida. He visited Ian on Christmas the same year, which was really fun. But after that he ran out of time. He stayed at his boarding school over the Easter break to train, to improve his swimming, to study harder for his scholarship. He took a raincheck on seeing Ian. And it happened again on the weekend of 4th of July. And again on summer break. His parents visited him then, so he could be with his friends. He loved his new life.

The last time he saw Ian was three years ago, out of sheer dumb luck. It was around Christmas time, the one time Anthony actually came back home. It didn't go well. They fought. Anthony left again. And they never spoke to or saw each other again.

Maybe he can try to find and talk to Ian now. To catch up. Maybe even make up. Anthony puts the picture into the front pocket of his backpack. He has to change into something better than just sweat pants and a shirt. It's 11:32 am. He needs to leave soon. He's going home.

Home. Where he is not free. Not at all.


	3. Chapter 2 - Home Coming

**Title: Chapter 2 – Home Coming**

 **A/N: Anthony's back in Sacramento. Anthony's POV.**

Suffocating. Again. This flight has been hell on earth. Anthony doesn't like going by plane. And that is an understatement. He hates being locked up inside a huge metal box that soars through the air. To Anthony, that is basically the concept of flying. So, obviously, he is very relieved when he steps on Californian ground. He wants to get out of the airport as quickly as possible, that's why he is running now to the baggage claim. Thankfully, his backpack is one of the first ones to arrive, and he is able to leave at once.

When he exits the airport through the main entrance, he can already see his father's car parked right in front him. His Dad is leaning against the passenger side of the car, welcoming his son with a smile.

"Right on time.", his Dad says, and takes Anthony into a bear hug. "Hey, son."

"Hey, Dad."

Anthony feels himself lean into the warm and safe embrace of his father. He must have missed this more than he would have thought. They get into the car and drive off.

"How was your flight?", his father asks, starting the small talk.

"It was okay." _No, it wasn't. It was exhausting, and horrible, and terrible. I felt like suffocating._ "How's Josephine?"

"She's fine. She's doing great at school. Still prefers to be called Joe. You know your sister."

"Yeah, I do." _Yes, I do, actually. She has problems at school. She doesn't tell you so you don't worry about her. I know her better than you think._

"You look tired. Flight was really okay? Were you able to you sleep?"

"A little bit." _No, I wasn't. I was restless. I was nervous. I want to go to bed right now._

The rest of the drive is spent in silence. Anthony is not in the mood for talking and his father seems to understand that. He leaves him be, not asking any more questions. When they arrive at his home, and Anthony sees the warm, yellow light shining through the curtains, he gets excited all of a sudden. Against all odds, for the first time today, he feels happy to be at home.

The moment he enters the house after his father, he is thrown to the ground by a short, black-haired girl.

"Anthony!", Jo screams, burying her face in her brother's chest, her lightweight of a body pressing him to the floor, making it impossible for him to move. Well, at least, he pretends to for her sake. "At last! I missed you so much!"

"Jo! I can't breathe!", he brings out, tugging on her arms who are wrapped tightly around his neck.

She lets go of him so the can stand up. Now Anthony can have a closer look at his younger sister. Long, black hair, fresh dark brown eyes, cheeky grin, slim figure. She hasn't changed at all since the last time he has seen her. Which was last year during summer break, when his parents came to visit him in Florida, helping him move there. Jo came with them and was a great help organizing and decorating his dorm room. It's thanks to her that he is able to find everything right away.

"Well, you haven't grown a lot.", he remarks, sticking out his tongue cheekily, at once earning a furious glare from his sister. "Kidding, kidding! I missed you, too."

With that he embraces her, gently at first, but then, out of nowhere, he picks her up and whirls her around, making her squeal.

"LET ME GO, YOU DOUCHE NUGGET!", she screams between laughs.

He lets her down again and together they enter the huge kitchen and dining area. His mother is standing at the stove, taking out what only can be Anthony's favorite food – Lasagna. She goes over to the dining table, setting the casserole dish in the middle of it. She then looks up, her face lightening up when she locks eyes with her son. She walks over to him and hugs him tightly.

"You've found your way home, I see. At last, I may add.", she says, kissing his cheeks. "I'm so glad you agreed to visit us this time."

"No problem, Mom. It was about time."

"No shit.", she answers, making Anthony chuckle. "Come, let's eat. I'm starving."

"You're starving? What about me?", Anthony objects, joining his sister, mother and father at the table.

During the next half an hour barely a word is spoken. Everyone is hungry and digs in. Anthony refills his plate two times. He feels like he hasn't eaten a proper meal in weeks. The food at his university isn't bad, it's actually pretty good. He doesn't know what's up with him. Maybe it's the jetlag or the exhaustion from the flight. The Lasagna tastes delicious, as always, and he is happy that he can enjoy his meal in peace. When everyone is stuffed, Joe and his Dad take care of the dishes while his mother sets the table once again – this time it's tea and Anthony's favorite cake: white chocolate with raspberries.

"So, now that you have been fed and hugged and loved – spill it. How's life in Florida?", Anthony's mother begins the unavoidable conversation.

"It's great. I passed all my classes."

"And?"

"And… And I have a lot of friends. They are all great."

"And?"

"And… And the captain of the swimming team is pretty amazing. I learn a lot from him."

"And?"

"And what? What do you wanna know?", Anthony asks back, sounding annoyed.

"And what about Simon? How is he?"

Anthony gasps at that. He completely forgot that he mentioned his boyfriend's name during their last phone call. Fuck. He can't hide him anymore. He hasn't planned on telling his family about Simon at all. It's not like this relationship has been going long, only a couple of weeks. He's not even sure if he loves Simon. Probably not. But there is no way around answering that question anymore.

"Uhm… He's fine. He's visiting his cousins in Europe."

"Wow! Europe! Mom! Dad! Can we go there, too? During my next summer break?", Jo exclaims, big pleading eyes, interrupting her mother's chain of thoughts. _Jo, you sweet angel! Thank you!_

"We'll see.", Anthony's father answers, smiling. "Well, I'm glad to hear that you have settled in well at your new place."

"Yes, I really love it there." That is quite an honest answer. Almost too honest.

Anthony sticks his fork into the last raspberry on his plate, putting it in his mouth and enjoying the sour sweetness of it. The moment he has swallowed it, his parents and Jo stand up in one quick joint movement.

"What is going on?", Anthony asks, startled and confused.

Jo takes him by the arm, pulling him up and dragging him across the house to the glass doors that lead to the backyard.

"What is going on? Jo!", he shouts, annoyed now. He looks over to his parents, who have followed them, grinning from ear to ear. Something is up.

"You surely know about that huge lawn area in our backyard, right?", his mother begins. Anthony nods. "We always wanted to do something about that, have something special built there, but we were kind of waiting for you to get into college, when we were sure you would appreciate it."

"It? What is 'it' exactly?" The curiosity is almost killing Anthony at this point.

His mother looks at Jo, winking, at which Jo opens the doors, shoving Anthony through it. The first thing he sees is actually nothing but darkness. It's around 11 pm already, night time, so it's hard to make out anything.

"Ready?", Jo asks, standing right next to him now.

"Yes, come on! I'm dying here!"

Jo snickers and hits the light switch next to her. And suddenly it's bright, almost too bright. Anthony squints, adjusting his eyes to the brightness. But when he does, and finally sees what he is standing in front of, he can't hide his happiness any longer. Where once was only grass, there is a huge outdoor swimming pool now. Lighted. Blue water. Long and broad enough for Anthony to train his strokes, to swim… to be free.

"What the…", he begins, but can't speak on. His voice is breaking. He is getting emotional over a pool. Well, that's really grown-up. However, he doesn't really care right now. There is a pool. In his backyard. He doesn't have to go to the public swimming pool. He can stay here, at home. He sighs out relieved.

"So? Speechless?", his mother asks, laughing cheerfully. "Do you like it?"

"Yes, of course! Oh my God… When did you…How did you…?" Words. He needs words yet nothing comes to mind. His brain has gone completely blank.

"Over the winter. Which is almost impossible, but your father knows a guy.", his mother answers and winks.

"This is… amazing." Finally a word. Yes, this is amazing. Even more than that. "Thank you so much!"

"He likes it!", Jo shouts out, and hugs her big brother lovingly and tightly again.

"Yes, I really do, thank you!", Anthony says once again, grinning broadly now.

"Mom! Dad! Can we break in the pool?", Jo asks. Again that pleading voice. Again those big eyes. Nobody could say no to her.

"Well, it's not really that warm tonight. But I guess we can make an exception, if you really want to, Anthony?", his father responds, looking at his son.

Anthony would really want to, actually he would love to go for a swim so badly it causes him physical pain right now. His body is craving the coolness of the water. He sticks a toe into the pool, checking the temperature. He is so tired, so goddamn exhausted. He looks at Joe, then back to the pool. He closes his eyes, thinking.

"Let's go for a swim."

The late night pool party with Jo was amazing. It didn't last long since Anthony was really weary from the long flight, but he had enough energy in him to splash his sister with water and show her a few swimming tricks. He even swam a race for her during which she timed him.

The siblings don't spend that much time together anymore, for obvious reasons, but he enjoys every single second with her when they meet. She is kind of his soul mate, yes, at least he would consider her one, and it's probably the other way around, too. They confide in each other, they tell each other their secrets or when they mess up. Jo is the only one he writes or calls at a regular basis. He has the feeling that she still needs him to be her big brother. And he doesn't want to disappoint her.

Anthony has already taken a shower and is lying on the bed in his old room. Nothing has been touched, everything is in the exact same spot when he left three years ago. He glances at the alarm clock over at his nightstand. 12:23 am. It's been a long day. He closes his eyes shortly, sorting his thoughts and emptying his mind.

Sacramento. No freedom. Bad memories. One true friend. Ian.

He gasps out loud, all of a sudden, remembering something. He was supposed to write Simon the moment his plane would land. He grabs his phone. Three new messages and two missed calls from Simon. One text being more urgent and worried than the previous one.

 **A: sry 4 not writing. i'm home now. call u 2morrow**

That should be enough of a message. Maybe he should have included something loving, or nice, like "I miss you already." or a stupid emoji heart. No, not really. Simon is his boyfriend, yes, but Anthony doesn't feel like texting his feelings, expressing them with silly kissy faces and other crap. He exhales deeply and flips through his contacts.

Contacts. Shayne. New message.

 **A: hey doofus :P**

 **A: how's ur paper going**

It takes only a few seconds for Shayne to reply.

 **S: T_T**

 **S: not even close**

 **S: gonna have to pull an all-nighter**

 **A: sry 2 hear that**

 **A: i feel u**

 **S: ty. how's Sacramento?**

 **A: it's okay. my parents got a pool now**

 **S: NO SHIT! O.O THAT IS SO COOL!**

 **S: hey maybe i'll drive up to Sac and visit u? how about next week?**

 **A: that would be great! :D**

 **S: okay gotta get back to my paper**

 **S: talk 2 u soon ;)**

 **A: np. gn doofus :P**

 **S: night dork :P**

Shayne has cheered him up a bit. Anthony is already looking forward to seeing his friend next week. But he is also planning to pay a certain someone a visit of his own. Specifically, Ian. He has to admit that he is curious what he has been up to, what he's been doing, if he's at college, or if he's working. He knows that Ian loved drawing back then, maybe he has had the chance to get closer to his dream. It would be really fun hanging out with him again. They were really close when they were kids.

However, their meeting three years ago was different. It was a game changer. Anthony takes a deep breath, closing his eyes again. It could all go downhill, their meeting could end up in a total disaster like last time. Maybe this is a bad idea, after all. Maybe Ian doesn't even want to see Anthony at all.

He rolls over onto his side, covering the lower half of his body with a light blanket. He will reach out to Ian tomorrow. He at least has to try. For old time's sake. And with these thoughts Anthony drifts off into a peaceful sleep.


	4. Chapter 3 - Game Changer

**Title: Chapter 3 – Game Changer**

 **A/N: Anthony meets a few people. Anthony's POV.**

"Thank you for taking me with you.", Jo says, once they are in the car. "I needed to get out there."

Anthony drives backwards out of the garage and onto the road. They are heading for Arden Fair, the huge mall in Sacramento. He doesn't want to stay there long, though. His main goal today is to try and contact Ian. Maybe he's lucky and he will meet him at the mall already, which would be best case scenario. If not, then he has to go and find his mother. He hopes that she still lives in the same house she did three years ago.

He glances over at Jo, who is looking out of the window, deep in thoughts, and he feels that something is up. She seemed eager to come along with him today.

"Why? Do Mom and Dad bother you that much?", he asks, jokingly.

"No, not really.", she answers, not looking at him.

"What is it then? Spill."

She sighs deeply, apparently not wanting to talk about it.

"It's nothing, really."

Anthony is not convinced. He starts to get worried. It's untypical for Jo not to talk to him about her problems.

"Liar.", he finally says. "Come on, you know you can talk to me." He pauses shortly. Maybe she really doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want to press her into telling him, and he doesn't want to be too nosy. "But if you don't want to tell me, that's fine too."

Jo turns her head to face him now.

"It's not that I can't trust you. I just don't think you can really help me with that."

Okay, now he actually _is_ curious.

"Try me. I will promise to give you an honest answer, and if I really can't help you, I won't press you into doing something you don't want to." A thought occurs to him right now, making him almost throw up. "Are you already… pressed to do something? By someone?"

Jo's face lights up suddenly and she bursts out laughing.

"Oh my God, Anthony, no! It's nothing like that."

Anthony sighs audibly. _Thank God._

"Well, okay then. You told me two weeks ago that you had some problems at school. Is it about your grades?"

"No, my grades are fine.", she answers, her smile fading away gradually.

"Is it a teacher? Do you have problems with a teacher?"

"No, they are all great."

Anthony is running out of ideas. Maybe the problem is more personal?

"Are you having trouble with a friend of yours?"

"Kind of."

Okay, he is getting closer. He hears her inhaling and knows she is about to tell him exactly what is up.

"I think I have a crush on one of my friends.", she begins, looking down on her feet now. "It started a while ago, before Christmas. He helped me with a project, we spent a lot of time together, more than usual. And now I can't stop thinking about him."

Should he play the overprotective big brother card? Or should he be supportive?

"Well, why don't you tell him how you feel then?", he suggests, in the end. What Jo needs right now is her friend-brother, not her bodyguard-brother.

"Not gonna happen. Nu-uh. Nope."

"Why not?"

"He has a girlfriend."

"Oh." Anthony bites his lower lip. "Sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, sucks. Problem is, I cannot stop thinking about him. I've been a bit absentminded recently. I think Mom senses something is up. But I haven't told her yet." She pauses for a moment, thinking. "I don't want to worry her. And Dad… oh my God, he would freak."

"I don't think you having a boyfriend would be such a big problem."

"Yeah, right.", she scoffs. "You are a boy. You don't get all that crap from Dad every day about men and sex and … ugh. Fucked up double standards."

Anthony doesn't know how to react to his sister's accusation. He can't really tell if this is true, he hasn't been here most of his teenage life, he was at the boarding school, and now far away, on the other side of the country, living his own life. Maybe her parents are acting so protective because she is the only child left now.

"Maybe it's just a phase. I wouldn't worry about that."

"Whatever. I doesn't matter anyway. I told you that he's taken."

The drive goes on for a few minutes in complete silence.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so gloomy. I'm really happy we are doing something together.", Jo suddenly says, and smiles at her brother.

"It's okay, that's why I am here for. To listen and to help.", he answers and smiles back.

They arrive at the mall 20 minutes later. The mall is quite packed, as every Saturday. Anthony hasn't been here in years, the life rhythm here in Sacramento is a bit different from the on Gainesville, or Miami. He sticks to Jo, following her closely, as she leads the way through the masses.

"Where do you wanna go first?", Jo asks. She seems to be more cheerful now, which makes Anthony happy.

"I wanna buy a new jammer swimsuit. And you?" Although he already knows the answer.

"As long as we get ice cream at some point, I don't care where we're going."

They have been strolling around the mall for a good hour now. Anthony actually buys a new jammer swimsuit. He tries on about a dozen of them before deciding on a black one with two blue stripes on its sides. Jo points out that he already has one that is similar, she has proof in the form of pictures taken a few months ago. And she remembers unpacking at least eight jammer swimsuits when she helped him move last year. Anthony objects, explaining to her that they feel different. Jo simply shakes her head.

Later they go to a bookstore, Jo's little world, where she finds two books about Japan, and the first volume of a new manga. Anthony points out that she already has a manga that has a similar story to the one she is buying now. She objects, explaining to him that no two mangas are the same and that they all feel different when you read them. Anthony simply shakes his head.

"Ice cream now?", he says, grinning, when they exit the bookstore.

"Yup.", she answers happily, and leads the way to the nearest ice cream booth. She orders two scoops of chocolate ice cream for herself and two scoops of vanilla for Anthony. They look for a place to sit and find a free spot on the rim of a fountain. They sit next to each other and enjoy their sweet treats.

"What's his name?", Anthony asks.

"Whose name?" Jo looks at him, confused.

"Your crush's."

Jo blushes immediately, focusing her attention on the chocolate ice cream in her hand.

"Dominic.", she says in a low voice. "Dom." A sudden small smile playing around her lips.

"How serious is his relationship? With that other girl I mean."

"I'm not sure. I hear he is quite fond of her and likes her a lot. Apparently, they've been dating for a few weeks now."

"That doesn't sound that serious to me, to be honest.", Anthony answers and bites down on his ice cream. Jo cringes at that. "I think you should tell him."

"Tell him what exactly?"

"How you feel. Then he can make an informed decision."

"But… what if he chooses that other girl? I would lose him as a friend. I'm not sure I wanna risk that.", Jo says, throwing her empty cone into the bin next to her. "I love hanging out with him so much. We have a lot in common, and he is really smart. And he makes me laugh."

"Well, tell him that, too. That you still want to be friends, and that you will be fine with whatever decision he makes, although maybe you're not. It will take the tension away. But in the end, it's your choice. I'm just adding my two cents."

Jo smiles and nudges his shoulder.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For listening. And trying to help." She leans her head on his shoulder. "I missed you, bro."

"Missed you, too.", he answers, smiling.

Anthony eats up his ice cream, they get up and head for the exit. They've had enough mall for one day. And Anthony still wants to find Ian, which Jo still doesn't know about. She liked Ian when she was little, and he also enjoyed playing with her, chasing her around the garden. Maybe she knows what happened to Ian.

They are almost at the main entrance when Anthony hears someone calling out his name.

"Anthony? Oh my God, it _is_ you!"

Anthony and Jo turn around and stare into the face of a boy, Anthony's age, orange dyed hair, fresh big dark eyes, and a huge grin on his face.

"Laser?", Anthony asks, starting to smile himself.

"What are you doing here?", Laser says, taking Anthony into a quick friendly hug. "Last thing I hear was you moving to Florida."

"I am, but I'm on spring break. I'm visiting my parents." Anthony looks over to Jo, nodding to her that it's alright for her to come a bit closer. "Jo, you probably don't remember, but this is Las-, I mean, David. We went to Junior High together."

They shake hands, Jo smiling politely at a grinning Laser.

"Ah, no, I don't think you know me. We didn't come over that much. If we did, though, you would have remembered me for sure.", Laser explains to her, winking. He turns to Anthony. "But we dragged you and Ian around a lot around town."

Laser has just mentioned Ian. Anthony is about to ask a question about that, but is interrupted by Jo.

"Who is 'we'?"

"Me and Sohinki.", he replies, pointing behind him. "He's at the gaming store."

"What are you up to these days?", Anthony wants to know, deciding to drop the Ian-topic for now.

"Oh, not much. I work at my Dad's music store. And Sohinki is actually going to college. He's on spring break, too."

"Hey, stop reciting my life, I can do that for myself, thank you very much.", Sohinki says as he approaches the group. He greets Anthony enthusiastically, also, by hugging him quickly.

"Are you heading out?", Laser asks, and Anthony nods.

"Well, we also might leave as well. They don't have the game I'm looking for.", Sohinki says.

The group of four strolls out of the mall, while talking about life, jobs and college.

"Do you still swim?", Sohinki wants to know.

"Yes, I swim in a team at my university. We are called Gators."

Laser snickers. Jo glares at him. Laser stops at once.

"I thought so. You were born a fish, Anthony.", Sohinki says. "Hey, now that you are here, you wanna hang out sometime? Laser and I want to go out tonight. Maybe you wanna join us?"

"Yeah, that would be great." Anthony checks the time on his phone. "I'm not sure about tonight, though. Can I get back to you on that?"

"Sure. Here's my number."

Anthony hands Sohinki his phone so he can type in his phone number.

"Call me when you wanna hang out."

"Yes, I will." He puts his phone into his back pocket. "Hey, uhm… Sohinki, you wouldn't know if Ian is still living here in Sacramento?"

Laser and Sohinki look at each other before answering.

"Dude… Nobody has heard from Ian in three years."

Anthony's eyes widen.

"What? How? What happened? Doesn't he live with his Mom anymore? Last thing I heard was that his parents got divorced. I assumed he stayed with his Mom."

"We don't know what happened. Or where he is now. Last time we saw him was…" Sohinki pauses and is silent for a moment, thinking. "I'm actually not sure. Laser?"

"Definitely when he was still going to high school. Fall, maybe? Or after Christmas during our second year?"

"Could be." Sohinki looks at Anthony, his face guilt stricken. "Sorry, Anthony. I know you two were close."

Jo suddenly takes Anthony by the arm, squeezing it tightly. _Do you know something, Jo?_

"No worries. I was just curious. I… I thought I'd drop by his place and talk to him. You know… catch up."

"Well, you can ask his mother, if she knows something. His father moved away a while ago, but his mother still lives here.", Laser informs him.

"Maybe I'll do that. Thanks."

"Okay, Laser, we gotta go. See you later then?", Sohinki asks Anthony.

"Yeah, maybe."

They say goodbye to each other. Laser grins cheekily at Jo and waves when he and Sohinki leave. Jo glares. Laser winks.

"You sure had some really strange friends back in junior high.", she says when they are back in the car, Anthony already driving out of the parking lot.

"You think?", he snickers. "I think Laser likes you."

"Yeah? Well… I find his… winking and grinning… rather annoying.", Jo stutters, turning red like a tomato.

"Whatever you say."

Anthony knows the way to Ian's house by heart. He visited his friend a lot back then. They would hang out one weekend at his house and then one weekend at Anthony's, playing video games, talking all night long, laughing, having fun.

"You really wanna go there?", Jo asks out of the blue, sounding concerned.

"Yeah, why? Do you know something?"

"Just rumors.", she admits quietly. "I also haven't heard from Ian in three years. I used to see him now and then, walking around the city, or at the mall. But then I didn't anymore."

"Do you know why his parents got a divorce?" Ian only told him that they were gonna get one, but never told him the reason.

"I think his father cheated on his mother, or something like that. Apparently he remarried. Ian slowly stopped talking to me when you moved away. He would say hello from time to time, but then just stopped and ignored me completely. When I would see him, he was always alone. No one was with him. It's as if he stopped looking for new friends when you left."

Anthony swallows hard, guilt hitting him hard. He followed his dream back then. Ruthlessly. He never meant for Ian to be alone and lonely, though. He wanted to stay in touch, to visit more often. But the boarding school was tough, the swimming program extremely intense. He worked his ass off for that scholarship. Not because his parents wouldn't be able to afford it, money was no the problem, but because he knew that it was hard to get into the University of Florida. It was the place to go when he wanted to get scouted. The university set a high value on students who were hardworking and applied with a scholarship. They took him right away when he showed them his excellent high school diploma. Maybe he was selfish, and ruthless, and maybe that's why he wants to make up with Ian so badly right now.

They arrive at Ian's house a few minutes later and get out of the car. They walk up to the front door, Jo standing a little behind Anthony, as if taking cover. Anthony rings the door bell. _Here goes nothing._

They hear movement and steps. The door opens and Anthony is faced with a sad, gray haired woman. Ian's mother has changed a lot over the years.

"Yes, how can I help you?", she asks, obviously not recognizing Anthony.

"Mrs. Hecox, it's me, Anthony. I was friends with Ian back in junior high.", he explains, smiling uncomfortably.

"Anthony…", she repeats, trying to remember. "Oh, yes, right. You were that boy that stayed the weekends, right?"

"Yes, that's me. And that's my sister, Jo."

Jo smiles shyly, making a quick waving gesture with her hand. Mrs. Hecox sees here but doesn't really. She is kind of looking through her, before she locks eyes with Anthony again.

"Sure, of course. Anthony… forgive me for not recognizing you at once.", she apologizes, smiling a sad smile.

She steps aside and gestures for them to come in. They go inside and sit down at the table in the kitchen. The house is small, but Anthony remembers feeling at home here. His second home. It's strange that Ian's mother didn't recognize him at once. She made them lunch and dinner, and brought them snacks. She took care of Anthony when he and Ian had a sleepover. Something must have happened. Maybe she suffered from depression after the divorce. That could actually be it. Anthony's hands rest in his lap, his eyes fixed on a small coffee stain on the table.

"What brings you here?", Ian's mother asks him, pouring each of them a cup of coffee. "How have you been?"

"I'm good, thank you. I'm in Florida now. Going to university there."

"That's great, Anthony. And I hope you still follow your dream?"

Anthony's eyed widen at that. He almost forgot. There was that one evening years ago when he talked to Mrs. Hecox about his plans. She knew about Anthony wanting to become a pro swimmer before Ian did.

"Yes, I do."

"That's good." She pauses. "Are you here to visit Ian?"

Anthony nods, excited.

"Yes, do you know where he is?"

Mrs. Hecox frowns, looking confused.

"Yes, of course I do. You don't?"

Now Anthony and Jo are the ones to look startled. They both shake their heads at the same time.

"He's at the same place he has been for the last one and a half years."

She pauses again, taking a deep breath, her eyes suddenly filling with tears.

"Where is that, Mrs. Hecox?", Anthony asks, although seeing her so drenched in tears, depressed and miserable, he already can guess the answer. And it scares the fuck out of him. Jo must be sensing the tension, too, since she is suddenly taking his now cold yet sweaty hand into hers. Anthony's face falls. His heart beat quickens.

"At the local graveyard."

Four simple words.

Game changer.


	5. Chapter 4 - Denial

**Title: Chapter 4 – Denial**

 **A/N: Anthony doesn't believe. Anthony's POV. I am sorry it took me so long to update, but it's been ESC week! :D Hope you enjoy this chapter (which was a MOTHERFUCKER to write).**

He needs to see it for himself.

His mind is blank. He needs to go to that graveyard. He needs to find that tombstone. He needs to read that name. He needs to confirm it's him. He needs to know what text is written down.

He needs to see it for himself.

Jo has difficulty catching up with Anthony after he has gotten out of the car and scanning the graveyard for the correct tombstone. Ian's mother gave Jo the directions to it after Anthony had stormed out of the house. She even described the tombstone. A weeping angel, half-leaning on and half-holding a heart.

Suddenly Anthony stops, looking down. There it is. It's right here in front of him.

Ian Hecox. 30.11.1987 – 31.12.2002

Ian's mother must have chosen the date he disappeared as his day of death.

"This cannot be true.", he whispers, while Jo is clutching his arm tightly, softly weeping into it. "Jo, don't cry. This is not true. There is an empty casket down there. This is not where Ian is."

"But…he's been missing for three years now…", she says quietly between sobs.

"This doesn't mean he's dead. I won't give up hope, Jo. I gotta find him. No one else will."

He checks the time. It's close to 4 pm already.

"Come on. Let's go home."

He wraps an arm around her, pulling her closer, and kissing her temple.

"Forget this exists, Jo. This is not Ian."

"They did _what_?"

Anthony's parents shout out in unison. They are all sitting at the dinner table, in the middle of enjoying their meals, when Anthony drops the bombshell.

"Why? Why would Maggie do that?", his mother asks, tearing up. "I know she loves her son. Why would she just go and declare him dead?"

"I don't understand it either. There is no body, right? The police didn't find anything. Anthony?", his father asks.

"No, nothing. No clothes. No note. No suicide or goodbye letter. Nothing. He just… vanished.", Anthony explains. Words are leaving his mouth, yet still he does not understand a single thing.

"We knew Ian wasn't around anymore. He heard about him go missing. But it all calmed down pretty quickly. We thought he moved away to live with his father.", his mother suddenly says, more to herself than to her family.

"Hold on! You knew about this? And you didn't tell me?", Anthony exclaims, shooting his mother and father a hurt and angry look.

"Yes, we knew.", his mother admitted guiltily. "But it happened after your huge fight with Ian. And you needed to focus on your training and your studies. You wanted that scholarship so badly, and we knew that this news would throw you off entirely."

It is absolutely cruel, and selfish, and thoughtless, and not like them at all… and true. He would have dropped everything and gone back. He would have forgotten about his dream and chased after Ian. Anthony stays silent for a moment, thinking. On the other side… maybe not. Maybe he would have been stubborn enough to forget about Ian. Their fight had been pretty rough. On both sides. He said some words he wishes now he could take back. This is all very messy and fucked up. And he cannot do anything about it now. He feels a headache coming up.

"We're sorry, Anthony. When we finally decided to tell you, after your exams and your spring swimming exam, there was that rumor that Ian had moved to Washington, to his father and stepmother. So, we dropped the topic completely. I am really sorry, Anthony."

"It's… okay. I guess. Well, not really, but okay. We can't do anything about that now." Anthony runs a hand over his face, frustrated. He turns to look at Jo. "Did you know about this?"

Jo flinches slightly at his words. He assumes that she didn't, though. She doesn't go to the same high school that Ian did, and it's a bit outside of Sacramento. And from what he heard from Mrs. Hecox, she didn't talk about Ian's disappearance much. The local news quickly lost interest in a boy who obviously did not want to be found and who didn't have much of a "news-worthy" story.

Jo is shaking her head violently.

"No, I did not! You have to believe me!"

Anthony smiles at her sadly and lays a hand on her shoulder.

"I believe you. It's okay."

"I am outraged.", Anthony's mother shouts out from the kitchen after having brought the empty dishes over there. "If it was either one of you that just went missing, I would search the entire world. I would never give up on you. Never. Let alone just declare you dead. This is horrible. Poor Ian." She cannot hold in her tears any longer.

"Mom, don't worry. I am going to find him.", Anthony replies, trying to comfort her. Her loving words have calmed him down a bit.

"How are you going to find him?", his father asks, joining them.

"I know things about Ian no one else did. I am sure I can find him. It won't be easy, but maybe I'm lucky.", he answers, not having a plan at all. "I just refuse to believe that he's dead. It just can't be."

Jo shows up next to him and bumps gently against his shoulder.

"Wanna go for a swim?", she asks him shyly.

"Sure." He needs to clear his mind and come up with a plan.

"Hey, stop.", his mother says, making them jump. "I want you two to promise me something."

The siblings look at their mother curiously.

"Don't ever run away. There is no problem big enough that we can't solve. Even if you fuck something up-"

"Janet!"

"-mess something up. Come to me or your father. We will help you. We might scream and shout at first, yes, but we will listen and we will try to help you. Have I made myself clear?"

Anthony and Jo nod at the same time.

"Good. Dismissed.", she adds jokingly. "And Anthony, we will help you. If you want to find Ian, we will help you. Your father has some connections at his company. Just ask if you need anything, okay?"

Anthony smiles at her. He cannot be mad at his parents for long. He understand their worries. He himself was worried about his scholarship back then. Second year had been tough and nerve wrecking and overall exhausting.

He follows Jo upstairs, going to his room and changing into his new jammers. When he steps outside into the backyard, Jo is already in the pool, doing backstrokes.

"Looking good, Jo!", he shouts over to her.

She stops and glances at him, grinning. She makes a few more strokes and joins him at the edge of the pool. Anthony sits down, his legs up to his knees in the water.

"Are you okay?", she asks him worriedly, a comforting smile on her face.

"Yeah, I think so."

He slides down into the water next to her.

"Wanna race me?", he asks her. He really needs a change of mind right now. A race will help.

Jo agrees and they chase each other back and forth, free style. Anthony lets her win a few times, but she quickly realizes that, scolding him for going easy on her. After about half an hour they sit next to each other on the edge of the pool, talking.

"What are you going to do now?", Jo asks him, curious about Anthony's next steps.

"I'm gonna meet up with Laser and Sohinki tonight.", he answers at once. He has made this decision after visiting Ian's… no, not Ian's grave. Nobody's grave. "I'm gonna find out what they know."

"Can I come?"

"No, of course not. You're only 16. We will be going to a bar.", he explains earning a glare in return.

"Yeah, what about you? You won't be able to drink anything yourself! You are only 19!"

"Jo, please. I'm not interested in drinking. I just want to find out something about Ian. I won't be long."

Jo looks away, a bit salty.

"I'm sorry that we don't spend that much time together anymore.", Anthony adds sadly. "I was so focused on my dream… I forgot I had family… and friends." He pauses, frowning. "Am I being selfish? For following my dream?"

"Yes.", Jo answers, not needing to think about it for long. "But that's okay. I admire you, by the way. You have a goal in front of you and you are getting closer and closer to reaching it. Of course, I would love spending more time with you. But I also know that you really, really wanna swim."

Anthony stares at her, eyes wide, lips parted in awe.

"Thank you, Jo. For understanding."

"No problem." Jo smiles and stands up. "I'm gonna go watch a movie now. You have fun with your friends."

"I will.", Anthony answers and also gets out. He watches her go inside. And then he decides to mess with her one last time. "I'll tell Laser you said hi!"

"DON'T YOU DARE!"

* * *

"Hey, Anthony! So glad you could make it!", Sohinki greets him when he walks up to them on the pavement in front of the bar. He had to drive a little bit outside of Sacramento, take the interstate 5 up to Woodland.

"How do you know about this bar?", Anthony asks after greeting Laser.

"A friend of ours owns it.", Laser answers as they enter the bar together and start looking for a place to sit. It's a bit muggy, like every other bar. There's a small stage and a band is getting ready to play. Live music. That's actually pretty cool. The crowd is mostly middle aged people, but they can spot some college guys also.

They find an unoccupied booth at the far back of the bar. They sit down and place their orders. Laser and Sohinki get a light beer while Antony decides on a coke.

"They didn't want to see your IDs.", he mentions, almost whispering.

"Told you. We know that guy.", Sohinki smiles.

"So, how is life in Florida?", Laser asks, cheerfully and takes a sip from his bottle.

"It's warm.", Anthony snickers. "It's actually really good. The swimming team I'm on is amazing, they have won so many different tournaments already. A really huge on is coming up at at the end of spring, and I'm gonna swim 100 meters freestyle."

"So, you sure have a lot of training, right?", Sohinki asks.

"Yes, it's tough, especially keeping up with the older students. But our team captain is really amazing." Anthony pauses. He notices that he has been smiling the entire time while telling his old school friends about his new life. "What about you? Laser tells me you are in college, too?"

"Yes, I study computer science. It's okay."

"He is underestimating! He is a total genius and rocking all of his classes!", Laser exclaims proudly.

They talk about their lives for a bit longer before the topic changes into the direction Anthony has been hoping for.

"… and then we would come by Ian's house, like two in the morning, and pick you guys up to go to some high school party we couldn't even get in to begin with." Laser bursts out laughing.

"I remember! Ian would be so pissed! But there was this one time, though, where we actually did get in. And you two drank way too much."

"Oh my God, yes!", Sohinki says excitedly. "My first experience with alcohol. Not good. That's the reason I don't drink that much anymore. My brother had to pick us up, remember? He still rubs it into my face every chance he gets. Me puking in his car…"

Anthony and Laser laugh out loud.

"Those were some good times.", Laser adds, the laughter slowly dying down.

Anthony clears his throat. It's time. He decides to be straightforward and ask them right away.

"Do you know about Ian's grave?"

"Yes, we do.", Laser answers, not sounding shocked at all. "I came across it by accident when I was working at the graveyard during my summer vacation last year. That was quite the shocker. We didn't tell you at the mall earlier because frankly speaking I don't buy it. Not at all."

"I remember you telling me about it. I did some research. They police never found a body. Nothing pointed to a suicide or a murder. Ian just vanished. They still assume he ran away. And that's what I still believe."

"I'm so glad you said that." Anthony lets out a sigh of relief. "Because I don't believe it, either."

"You know who had pressed to declare him dead?", Laser asks into their small round, leaning in closer as if about to spill a secret. "It was his father. Who is not really his father at all."

"What?" Anthony's jaw drops. That could explain why Ian never had the best relationship with his father. Stepfather.

"Ian's mother apparently had a complete nervous breakdown when he disappeared. Which doesn't surprise me. And after two years of nothing happening, his step-dad made the arrangements for a fake-funeral."

"That is insane… Where did you get all of this information?", Anthony wants to know. He feels like he is getting closer to finding out Ian's whereabouts. It's just a feeling, though. Ian could be living a peaceful life at the other side of the country, or he could be right around here somewhere. Who knows. But this conversation with Laser and Sohinki gives him a lot of hope. Now he is even more convinced that Ian is still out there somewhere, alive and hopefully well.

"I… uhm… I kind of hacked some sites.", Sohinki admits. Anthony stares at him in disbelief. "I'm sorry, okay? I was curious. You mean to tell me that I was supposed to believe all that crap? No fucking way! We knew Ian. We knew he was miserable, but he would never go and kill himself. He would run away. He would try to start a new life. But death was never an option. So that's why I hacked into his police file, and then this took me to the hospital where his mother had checked in a few times. And then I found out about his father."

"Sohinki… Laser is right. You are a freakin' genius."

Anthony checks his phone for the time. 21:21 pm. His headache is coming back and he is still kind of jetlagged. This day has been a freakin' roller-coaster ride.

"What are you doing tomorrow?", he finally asks.

"Nothing really. Why?"

"You wanna come to my place and hang out? My parents got a pool."

He really could use friends right now.

"Sure, why not. Laser you in?"

"Is Jo gonna be there?", Laser asks at once.

"Yes, I think so.", Anthony answers, suppressing a grin.

"Okay. We'll be there."

Anthony smiles happily. They decide to end this evening, and meet up tomorrow at noon. They pay their drinks and step outside of the bar.

"Laser, call that uber."

"Hey, I can drive you, no problem.", Anthony suggests, before Laser can type in a number into his phone.

"Okay, thanks!"

They walk down the pavement towards the nearby parking lot. Anthony unlocks his car and Sohinki and Laser get in. He's about to sit down behind the steering wheel when a really fancy, black car catches his attention. A sports car, Jaguar 908 RC. Must have cost a fortune. The car drives into the parking lot and stops. Antony doesn't want to admit it but he is kind of curious who will step out of that Jaguar. Normally, this area is not visited by such expensive-looking car.

The passenger door opens. Ah, so the driver must have picked up a girl. Or a hooker maybe? Anthony is getting less curious, feeling more embarrassed now. He gets inside the car and checks the exterior mirror. The person is standing in front of the passenger door now.

Dirty, worn down sneakers. Dark blue jeans with holes. A light gray hoodie. A black backpack over his right shoulder. The person waves the driver goodbye and the car drives off. His face turns. And Anthony almost loses it.

Bowl hair-cut. Blue eyes.

Ian.


	6. Chapter 5 - Comeback

**Title: Chapter 5 – Comeback**

 **Warning: rated R, smut, light sexual content**

 **A/N: Ian meets Anthony after three years. Ian's POV.**

"You sure you want me to drop you off here? Doesn't look like the safest spot, if you ask me."

"It's okay. There's a hotel right nearby."

"You know I would let you stay, if I didn't have to-"

"Yes, I know. I appreciate it. I'll be fine. Don't worry."

Ian clears his throat, ready to get out of the car. The older man sitting right next to him leans over to Ian's side and opens the glove compartment, taking out quite a thick envelope.

"Here." He hands it to Ian. "It's a bit more than last time. I won't make it next month. Text me where you are at the beginning of May and we'll arrange a meeting."

"You don't have to do that.", Ian says in a low voice, stuffing the envelope in his backpack.

"But I want to. Believe it or not, but after two and a half years, I kinda feel attached to you."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Damn. Why does Josh have to look so good? He's not even wearing his usual work suits. It's just some washed-out jeans and dark blue v-neck. Ian feels his cheeks turning red. He gives them a quick rub with the back of his left hand.

"Why Sacramento?", Josh asks out of the blue. "You always talked about this city like it's haunted. You never wanted to come back here. Why now?"

"No reason.", Ian lies.

"Liar."

 _Damn it._

"I'm meeting an old friend."

Josh nods, smiling.

"I hope the clothes will fit you. I've put in a few extra tees." He comes closer, their faces inches away now, and kisses Ian gently on the lips. "Take care, kid."

"You, too."

Ian opens the door and steps out of the car. He waves Josh goodbye and watches him drive away. He sighs deeply. Thanks to Josh he is going to make it through the next one and a half months until their next meet-up. Ian takes a look around the dim lit parking lot. He notices a blue BMW X1 in front of him, opposite of the place where Josh's Jaguar has been standing seconds ago. The lights go on, indicating that the vehicle is about to leave. Ian slides his arm through the other strap of his backpack and makes his way out of the parking lot toward the main street.

Then the engine of the motor suddenly subdues. Ian looks back over his shoulder. The car door opens and someone steps out. Tall. Dark hair. Tanned. Ian's eyes widen. He did not expect to meet him that soon.

"Anthony.", he whispers, a small smile appearing on his lips.

"Ian?", the taller man shouts over to him.

Ian turns to face his former friend and sees him running up to him. Anthony stops right in front of him, unsure what to do next. Ian is anxious himself. Should he hug him? Should he offer his hand to shake? He has no time to make up his mind about that anymore because suddenly he is tackled by Anthony. He is wrapped up in Anthony's loving arms which are slinging around his thin and fragile body.

"Ian...", Anthony is crying now, his tears streaming uncontrollably down his cheeks, damping Ian's hoodie.

Ian doesn't know what to say and is unable to move an inch. He didn't expect such a reaction. He remembers their fight. It haunts him almost every day. Anthony had screamed at him. And Ian himself had also said some horrible things he thought that Anthony would never be able to forgive. And here he is. Pressed against Ian. Sobbing. Happy to see him?

"Anthony... I can't breathe.", he says.

"I don't care."

Ian smiles, his heart almost exploding with happiness. He thought he would be more pissed, or angry. He had been carrying quite a grudge against Anthony during the last three years. He wasn't even sure if he should risk it and come back to Sacramento. But now, seeing Anthony's reaction, he knows he has made the right decision. Maybe that's why his hands suddenly move on their own. They dig into Anthony's back violently, tugging on his jacket. He buries his face in the Anthony's chest, enjoying this moment while it lasts. They stand like this for a while until Anthony's cries have died down and he is able to speak again without his voice breaking.

"You're alive.", are the first words that come out of Anthony's mouth when they break the embrace.

"Of course, I am. Why would you even think that?", Ian replies, furrowing his brows confused.

"Doesn't matter. You're here now." Anthony wipes the tears from his face with his hand. "Where have you been? Nobody has seen you in years."

No. Not here. Not now.

"I... I was traveling." Which is a very vague part of the truth. Ian decides to go with that. "I needed to be alone for a while, you know?"

"I can imagine."

"Since when are you here?", Ian asks. He wants to move this conversation to another day. He wants to sit down with Anthony and talk, and laugh, and be happy for a while before reality will get a hold of him again.

"I arrived yesterday. And it's been a hell of a spring break already." Anthony chuckles, newly formed tears starting to show in the corners of his eyes.

Suddenly they hear two more car doors being opened. Ian looks over to Anthony's car and sees Laser and Sohinki standing there, completely stunned with shocked faces.

"I see you met some of your old friends."

"Yeah, I bumped into them today at the mall."

Ian sees Laser and Sohinki slowly approaching them now. He only can handle so many people for one day.

"I... I gotta go now.", Ian says, taking a few steps back. "But I would love to catch up. Soon."

"Ian..."

"You're staying at your parent's?", he asks, keeping on walking away from his friend.

"Yes, but..."

"I'll come by tomorrow evening then. Okay?"

"Okay.", Anthony answers sadly.

Ian nods, smiling at his friend.

"Oh, and Anthony? I'd appreciate if you didn't tell anybody I'm back."

Anthony simply nods.

"Bye!"

* * *

Ian collapses onto the hotel bed, completely exhausted. And upset. And excited. And confused. And... Too many emotions right now. This is too much for one day. Hell, this is too much for a whole fucking lifetime.

Tomorrow he is going to see Anthony and tell him... well, what exactly. He hasn't had really time to think about this. What is he going to tell him? Why did he come back after all? Maybe this has been a terrible idea after all. They have grown apart, Ian has noticed that at once. Anthony looked good, healthy and careless. Ian assumes he is still chasing his dream. And what is Ian's dream? What is Ian chasing after?

He decides to take a long hot shower and try on his new clothes. He scrubs himself clean until his skin has turned red. There is a huge mirror in the bathroom, so when he steps in front of it to comb through his hair and brush his teeth, he is forced to look at himself.

His body is covered in scars. He is damaged goods. He doesn't look healthy at all. His ribs are showing slightly. Life, alone on the streets of the US, has not treated him well. The only time he felt safe and loved were the times he met up with Josh. Thanks to him he was able to check into a hotel from time to time, to travel further, to take the train or the bus, and was not forced to tramp and pay for his rides in a different way.

Ian walks over to his backpack and pulls out the clothes Josh has bought for him. There are a few tees, all in different colors, three pairs of jeans, a new hoodie and some sweatpants. Also new underwear and socks. Ian glances at his old, worn down things. He grabs them, crumples them up into a messy pile and tosses them into the trash bin.

He decides on a white shirt and the sweatpants. The clothes smell nice. Fresh and new. He hops onto the bed and switches the TV on, zapping through the channels. Thanks to Josh's generous 'tip' Ian has been able to buy some snacks which he now enjoys. The day after a weekend with Josh is always the best one.

He's in the middle of watching an action movie when his phone goes off. Yes, he has a phone. Again, thanks to Josh. Speaking of the devil.

J: i'm staying one more night. where r u?

Ian gulps. This has never happened before. Two and a half years. It's always the same procedure. He texts Josh where he will be staying (it's always around the end of a month). They meet up at a small motel. Josh buys him new clothes. Josh dresses him up. They leave the motel and drive to where Josh stays. Which is always some really fancy, 6-stars hotel. They spend the entire weekend together. Ian gets paid. He is always allowed to keep his clothes. And then Josh leaves. That's it. No messages after that.

I: Hampton Inn. Room 249.

He could use the extra cash, if he is planning on staying the next two weeks here in Sacramento. He hasn't made up his mind about that yet. He wants to see Anthony, and catch up on old times. Seeing him tonight has brought up so many almost forgotten and lost emotions. Anthony is still handsome. And still kind. And still... well, he's still Anthony. His best friend. Who he fell in love with during junior high.

* * *

"God... Ian...", Josh pants while thrusting harder and faster into Ian's slim body. The older man's hand is wrapped tightly around Ian's cock, jerking him off, his legs resting on Josh's shoulder. He is the only customer who makes sure that Ian enjoys himself, too. Who makes him come so hard and long. Who is willing to give him a blowjob from time to time.

Ian's hands hold on tightly to the sheets under him, his head is tilted back, loud lust-filled moans escaping his mouth.

"Fuck, I love your voice...Louder, Ian. Scream for me.", Josh says in a low and raspy voice and Ian obeys.

His not-at-all-faked shouts fill the room. Josh is hitting his sweet spot right now, so the moans and groans are real, Ian doesn't need to pretend at all that he is indeed enjoying himself a lot right now. Josh speeds up his thrusts, pounding into Ian, harder, wilder and fiercer than before.

"Fuck!", Josh shouts out when he comes hard into Ian's ass, and only a few strokes later Ian also releases himself, spreading his cum all over his stomach and chest.

His bangs stick to his forehead, his eyes are closed tightly, he is panting heavily. That was... intense as fuck. He flinches when he suddenly feels Josh licking his chest.

"You taste good."

Ian blushes, embarrassed. Josh is looking at him through his half-closed eyes, his lips parted, hair all after-sex messy. A view to die for. He doesn't pull out of Ian yet, but leans in, bending Ian's knees more, coming closer to his face, and then kissing him passionately.

"How you like the taste of yourself?", Josh smirks.

"I like yours better.", Ian says quietly, which makes Josh chuckle. _He is_ _going_ _to kill me with that smile._

After Josh has taken a quick shower, and steps out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, he joins Ian on the bed. The boy has cleaned himself up over the sink while watching Josh's naked, tall and athletic figure out of the corner of his eye. He is lying on the bed now, watching some music videos on the TV when he feels Josh's lips on his shoulder blades.

"Thank you for that."

Ian rolls around to face his customer.

"What made you come back?", he asks. "We haven't done this before. Why now?"

"No reason."

"Liar."

Josh chuckles. _Can you please stop smiling goddammit?_

"You caught me." He straddles Ian, hovering over him. The towel knot has come loose, so that Josh's naked body is only inches away from Ian's. "I wanted to spend one more night with you. We won't see each other for quite a while now."

"I know." Ian pauses for a moment, thinking. Should he ask him? Will it make him look like some kind of crazy stalker?

"I'm going to miss you." Josh has just answered his unasked question. He places a gentle kiss on Ian's forehead before getting up and collecting his clothes, putting on his briefs and jeans.

"You're not staying?"

"No, sorry. I gotta catch an early flight tomorrow." Josh gives Ian a jokingly angry look. "You made me mess up my plans completely."

"Sorry, not sorry.", Ian replies, getting up himself now. "I already took a shower today, but thanks to you I need another one. So, I think we're even when it comes to making things inconvenient for each other."

"Oh, so I am a burden, is that what you're saying?", Josh asks, raising an eyebrow.

Ian snickers and sticks out his tongue cheekily. He loves their after-sex talks. He isn't able to reach the bathroom due to Josh tackling him, throwing him over his shoulder and slumping him down on the bed again. They roll around on the bed, laughing, and Ian squealing cheerfully. Ian wins their playful fight, pinning Josh down on the bed.

"You lose, bitch!"

"Yup. You got me."

They look at each other for a few seconds. Smiles fading. Replaced by something else. Longing? Desire? Ian doesn't know how to describe the sensation that is building up in him right now. Emotions. Feelings. Long lost. Long forgotten. Growing with every second. Becoming bigger. Overwhelming him. Getting a hold of his heart and crushing it.

"I think I should be going.", Josh breaks the silence. Ian lets go of him. The taller man puts his shirt back on, reaches for his wallet and pulls out a few more dollar bills. He places them on the drawer right next to the TV.

"See you, Ian."

"See you."

Josh leaves the hotel room. Ian is still sitting on the bed. Silent tears running down his cheeks.

 _What_ _am I_ _thinking?_ _I_ _will never be anything else than a_ _fuck_ _to him_ _. Nothing more. Nothing less._ _This is all_ _I_ _will be_ _. Forever. Nothing's gonna change. No one will come to save_ _me_ _._

 _I_ _will never be free._


	7. Chapter 6 - Questions

**Title: Chapter 6 – Questions**

 **Warning: R, light smut, masturbation**

 **A/N: Hanging with friends at the pool. Waiting for Ian. Anthony's POV. I am freaking out, guys. My muse is strangely absent most of the time. T_T I hope I can update the next chapter really soon (plan is tomorrow evening). Thank you all for reading this crappy piece of whatever this is. o.o This is kind of a filler chapter. It will get better. I promise. For now, I hope you will enjoy this part.**

When he is finally at home, unlocking the front door and entering a very silent house, Anthony lets out the biggest sigh in history.

Ian.

He is alive. And talking. And seemingly healthy, though maybe a bit upset and nervous. But at least he is alive. And not dead. Lying in a casket six feet under the ground. With a tombstone on top of it in the shape of fucking weeping angel.

He walks into the kitchen, opens the freezer and pulls out a bottle of Tequila. Normally, he doesn't drink, or at least not much. He's not the type of guy to hang out at bars and get wasted at college parties. He is the kind of guy who has a dream and who works toward it. But today…oh, today is different. Today he needs a drink.

Looking around he notices that the doors to his parents' and Jo's bedrooms are closed. They must have gone to bed already. He passes Jo's room and hears slight noises, then a laugh. So, Jo is still awake after all. Maybe watching TV. He should tell someone that he is home. And what he has found. Or rather who.

He knocks gently on her door.

"Come in!", she says and Anthony cracks the door open, sticking his head inside her room. "Hey, you're home!"

"Yes, I am." Anthony smiles when Jo gestures for him to come inside.

"So, where did you go?", she asks curiously.

"A bar near Woodland. It belongs to a friend of Laser and Sohinki.", he answers, plopping down beside her on the bed. She mutes the TV and is sitting cross-legged next to him now.

"Ah, okay." She pauses, narrowing her eyes. "Did you drink?"

"No, I did not, MOM. Sohinki and Laser had a light beer. That's all."

"Oh, okay." She smiles softly. "What did you talk about?"

"Well, at first Laser was going on and on about how gorgeous you are and the way your bangs fall into your eyes when you're angry – he, like, finds it totally adorbs – and the way you smiled at him the last time you met- OUCH!"

That has been Jo punching him hard in his upper arm.

"Liar!", she exclaims. "What are you trying to do here? You know I like another guy!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Anthony smirks. "But seriously now, we mainly talked about old times. How often we used to hang out, our nightly trips around the neighborhood. And our new lives. And also about Ian."

Jo jumps at that name.

"And? What did they say? Do you have more information on his whereabouts?"

"I sure as hell do.", he answers. "Well, they said they didn't believe it either. The whole death-thing. They thought he ran away. They couldn't tell me why, though."

"See? We are not the only ones thinking that there's something wrong."

"Jo."

"What?"

"I met him."

"Who?" Sounding confused.

"Ian. I met him after the trip to the bar."

Jo's eyes widen in shock and her jaw drops open.

"Yes. Exactly.", Anthony answers, getting up again and pacing around her room. He needs movement. And alcohol. He opens the Tequila bottle and takes a gulp out of it. Fuck, that burns! And it tastes awful! He grimaces his face in disgust.

"Where is he now?", Jo asks into the silence that has filled her room.

"I don't know. We talked for like ten seconds before he walked away again."

"What… How…", she starts but is not able to complete her questions.

"Yes. Exactly." One more gulp out of the Tequila bottle.

"But, is he alright? Healthy? How did he look?"

Anthony's head is already buzzing, not from the alcohol but rather from exhaustion and the events of the day. And he didn't expect so many questions. He himself has a lot of them, too. And they will stay unanswered until tomorrow evening.

"Jo, stop… I just came by to tell you that Ian is alive. We don't need to worry anymore." Anthony walks over to the door. "You can ask me all the question you want to tomorrow, okay?", he adds, his voice softer now.

"Okay.", Jo says, looking a bit disappointed. "Night."

"Night."

He leaves her room, closing the door behind him, and heads for his own one. Finally. Alone. His hand still tightly wrapped around the Tequila bottle he slumps down on his bed and takes another gulp. And another one. And another. Next time he checks the content of it, it's half empty. Or half full. Not really sure.

Anthony places the bottle on his nightstand. He should take a shower. He reeks somehow. There's a certain unpleasant smell in the air and he guesses it's coming from his clothes. While taking off his pants and shirt, he trips and almost hits his head on his desk. No. No shower today. Way too dangerous. Way too drunk.

He throws a new shirt over his head and dives into his bed. When his body hits the soft mattress, he immediately closes his eyes. Everything is swirling. He feels dizzy, but not really sick. He is just drunk and in a very strange and funny state of mind right now. He rolls onto his back, eyes still closed.

Ian.

Standing in front of him. Worn down clothes. Ocean blue eyes. Reflecting the lights of the dim lit parking lot. Looking lost. Him wrapped around in Anthony's arms. His small, thin body pressing against Anthony's. His hair messy, brushing against Anthony's jaw and neck.

He glides a hand down his chest, slipping it under his briefs. Somehow the thought of Ian so close to him made him hard almost instantly. He can't be _that_ horny. And he should be thinking about Simon, his actual, real boyfriend. However, Ian has occupied his mind. His soft hands. Anthony touched them briefly when they stopped hugging. They appeared so slim and fragile.

He imagines Ian lying next to him right, his hand around Anthony's cock. Caressing him. Jerking him off. His panting increases. His hand moving faster. Eyes shut tightly. Brows furrowed. His other hand caressing his chest, twisting a nipple. Arching his back.

Ian. Beautiful, lost Ian. His face so close. His lips inches away. His eyes big, and curious.

Anthony comes long and hard into his briefs. Fuck. Now he really needs new ones. He gets up, tosses his cum filled briefs into a corner and puts on clean ones. _Sleep. Rest. Now._ He crouches back into bed, covers himself loosely with his blanket and falls asleep right away.

Ian.

* * *

"Anthony, what do you want on those sandwiches?", Jo yells over to the living room.

"Anything is fine. I'm the only vegan. Sohinki and Laser eat everything.", he shouts back.

He is kneeling in front of the huge drawer in the living room, going through his games collection. Although, he can't really focus right now. Ian is still on his mind. Apparently, he is never going to leave. Well, at least not until later this evening. He has so many questions he needs to ask Ian, although he is uncertain whether Ian will answer all of them.

What was that car? Who did it belong to? Why was Ian in it? Why did he look so worn down? He was really thin. Anthony could feel his fragile and slimmed down body through the fabric of his hoodie. He looked exhausted. Tired. Sad even. But he has the feeling that Ian was also quite happy and relieved to see him.

"I need to call up Mom and ask her about that one dip recipe." Jo's voice is somewhere nearby, though it doesn't really reach him. His parents have left early for a trip to visit some friends. It's just him and Jo now, preparing food and hooking up his consoles for later. Sohinki and Laser will arrive soon, there is not much time left.

"Anthony?"

Jo's suddenly very close voice startles him, bringing him back to reality. He looks up at her, realizing now that he has been holding like five games in his hands and has not moved an inch since then.

"Are you okay?"

Anthony drops the games to the ground, maybe a bit too forceful, looking down.

"No, not really.", he says quietly. "Ian is coming by later, have I told you that?"

"No, you haven't. You haven't told me anything yet." Jo straightens up again and turns on the TV, checking the correct channel for the console. "Are you going to tell me anything eventually?"

Anthony recognizes Jo's hurt voice immediately.

"Yes, I'm sorry. What do you wanna know?"

"Well, everything! How did you meet him? And when? And why?"

"It was a pure coincidence.", Anthony begins and gives her a rather short summary of last night. "Laser, Sohinki and I were going home. We were at the parking lot in front of the bar when a car showed up. Ian got out and it drove away. That's when I saw him."

"How did he look? How is he? Did you talk to him?" Jo seems to have an endless amount of questions prepared.

"He looked…." Broken. That's what he looked like. Damaged. Destroyed. Fragile. Helpless. "…not well."

"What did he say? Did he mention where he's been all this time?"

Anthony's headache is back. It's been an incoming and outgoing thing all morning. Maybe because of the Tequila. Maybe because he himself has a ton of questions.

"Jo, can you please stop pestering me with all of these questions!", he shouts, a bit louder and stands up. He walks over to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of ice cold water. It's getting hotter by the minute. Sacramento is heating up fast today.

"Well, where was he?", Jo asks more forcefully now, having followed him.

"I don't know! He didn't tell me!", Anthony answers, annoyed. He chucks the water.

"Does his mother know he's back and alive?"

"Jo! Stop it now!", he shouts, clenching his fist.

"What are you yelling at me for?", she shouts back, shooting him an angry and hurt look.

"I don't know, okay?" Still shouting, still angry, he throws the empty glass into the sink. It bursts into pieces.

"Anthony, what the fuck?", Jo shouts, taking his hand into hers and checking for bruises.

She has always been like that. Always worrying about him, although this supposed to be his job. After all, he is the big brother. Anthony lets out a deep sigh, frustrated and angry with himself.

"I'm sorry. It's just… He was right there in front of me. I didn't ask a single thing. I just… hugged him. And then he was gone." He pauses, his voice breaking. No. He is not going to cry. He swallows the lump in his throat. "I shouldn't have left, Jo. I should have stayed here, in California."

"What? No! That's bullshit, Anthony! You were following your heart! You love swimming, you had a dream, still have, and you are trying to make it come true. There is nothing wrong with that."

"But if I had stayed, maybe we would still be best friends. Maybe he wouldn't have run away."

"How do you know he ran away because of you, huh?", Jo asks, and she has a point. "Don't make this about you. We don't know anything yet. Right?"

"Right."

"See? When he comes by later, you can ask him. Talk. And for fuck's sake, make up. I am still not over your fight."

"How do you know about it?", Anthony asks, but doesn't get an answer because at that moment the door bell rings. Sohinki and Laser have arrived.

* * *

"And there was nothing else?", Laser asks after Anthony has told them how his meeting with Ian has went once again.

All four of them are sitting by the pool, enjoying their pizzas and talking. Nobody actually wants to play video games right now. The number one topic is Ian's mysterious return.

"No, noting else. He just appeared, and then he vanished again. We couldn't really talk. He seemed to be nervous and was headed somewhere."

"Did you see that car?", Sohinki mentions. "That's like… a billionaire's car."

"How expensive are we talking?", Laser wants to know.

"I don't know the exact price, but damn expensive. I'm not sure they make cars like these for us normal human beings."

Anthony slides into the pool for what feels like the 100th time today. He needs movement. This is the only way he is able to think clearly. To make up his mind about the whole situation. He can still hear Laser, Sohinki and Jo talking on, though.

"So, why was he in that car?", Jo asks. "Do you think he was… you know?"

Anthony stops mid-swim and looks over his shoulder.

"I hope not. For Ian's sake.", Laser answers, taking his water blaster and filling its tank with water. "Okay, that's enough worries for one day. Anthony is going to find out what has been going on the last three years and then we'll know. End of story."

Sohinki and Jo nod in unison.

"Okay. Now that that's settled -" Laser pauses and stands up, blaster in hand. "IT'S ON BITCHES!"

And then Anthony hears nothing else but Jo squeaking as Laser is spraying her with water with his water blaster. They run around the pool, Sohinki joining Jo's team eventually, so they both are chasing Laser now. Anthony smiles. A little bit of distraction is not such a bad idea. He is glad Laser and Sohinki are here right now.

Sohinki is the first to get thrown into the pool by Laser. Now it's only him and Jo.

"Run, Jo! Get the blaster!", Sohinki shouts, pointing to a spot on the lawn.

Anthony smirks and swims to the edge of the pool. He lifts himself out of the pool by his arms, grabs the blaster and points it at Laser who has gotten a hold of Jo, an arm wrapped around her waist, and is jokingly hiding behind her now, keeping her hostage.

"Stop right there, Dolphinman!", he shouts, pointing his own water blaster at Anthony. "One more step and she is going down!"

Anthony put down his blaster on the floor, very carefully and slowly.

"Laser-Fish, think this over. You don't have to do this. Nobody has to go down. Not me, not Jo, and not even you.", he says calmly, approaching Laser gradually.

"Ah-ah-ah! Don't move. One more step…", Laser warns him, stepping closer to the edge of the pool.

"Laser-Fish, I think you're forgetting something.", Jo suddenly says, smirking.

"What?"

"I am Jo Padilla, yes, but only by day. By night I am Aquagirl." She reaches out for his arm, gripping it tightly, pressing hard against his chest. "I am immune to water."

And with that she throw herself and Laser into the pool. Water splashes everywhere as Laser and Jo struggle around, and finally Jo can swim over to join Sohinki who bursts out laughing and Anthony, seeing this, joins in.

"Damn it! I knew it! Aquagirl! My sworn enemy!", Laser shouts out as he is pretending to drown.

Anthony is watching the cheerful scene play out in front of him and can't help but think of Ian again. He doubts that Ian had an innocent and carefree childhood, filled with laughter and smiles. He shakes his head, beads of water flying everywhere. _Don't thing about. You don't know anything yet._

Their fun time goes on for quite a while before Sohinki and Laser eventually leave. They have returned from the bathroom, dressed in their clothes again, backpacks over their shoulders, and walk over to Anthony who is waiting for them in the hallway.

"This was awesome, Anthony. We should do it again some time.", Sohinki says and hugs his friend goodbye. "I'm glad we ran into each other."

"Yeah, me too.", Anthony says. "Actually, a friend of mine is going to visit me next week. Maybe you two got time and could come again."

"Sounds like a plan.", Laser answers and the two friends bump their fists against each other. "See you soon, then!"

"Wait up!" Jo runs over to them from the kitchen, carrying two plastic containers. "Here. Sandwiches. Take them with you." She holds them out to Laser who accepts them, smiling friendly at her.

"Awesome. My Mom was going to make mackerel tomorrow, and I am not really a fan of that." He beams at her before taking her into a bear hug. "You are saving my life. Thanks, Jo."

Jo's cheeks somehow turn red when Laser lets go of her. Anthony nudges Sohinki against his arm, and he nudges back knowingly.

The four of them step outside and Laser and Sohinki get into Laser's car. It's a small jeep, a little run down, but still kind of cool looking.

"Text me about the exact date.", Sohinki yells over to Anthony from the car.

"Will do!", he shouts back, waving at his friends, watching them drive away.

"Well, this was nice.", Jo says as they walk back inside the house.

"You seemed to enjoy yourself.", Anthony says, helping her stacking the plates into the dishwasher. "And don't tell me that you don't like Laser. Even Sohinki has noticed by now."

Jo doesn't answer but stays quiet, however, Anthony can see a small smile on her lips. He lets out a small sigh. This will do her good, having someone who is actually interested in her. And he likes Laser. He would totally sign off this marriage.

"Do you know when Ian will show up?", Jo asks him when they plop down on the couch in the living room, playing a quick game of Mario Kart on Anthony's old N64.

"Nope. He said evening. It's… what… like 7 pm? He should be here soon."

Not even half an hour after this comment, the door bell rings for the second time today.

Anthony paces over to the door. He runs a hand through his hair, clears his throat and opens the door.

"Ian, hi!"

"Hi, Anthony."


	8. Chapter 7 - Too Real

**Title: Chapter 7 – Too Real**

 **A/N: Ian's story. Ian's POV.**

"Come in! Make yourself at home!", Anthony says and invites him inside.

Ian clings onto the strap of his backpack and takes off his shoes. It's been a long time since he's been here.

"Would you like something to drink? Or eat? I think we still have some sandwiches left."

Anthony sounds nervous which makes Ian grin. It's like nothing has changed. Anthony has stayed the same. He is the same shy and adorable guy he knew in junior high. He looks incredible today. Light blue tee with the logo of his university apparently, black shorts, messy and still a little wet hair. Seeing him right now, after so many years, brings out his locked away emotions again. Ian takes a deep breath and follows Anthony into the kitchen.

"Water is fine.", he answers, still holding onto his backpack.

"Hey, Ian."

He turns around at the sound of a female voice and sees a girl his size with long black hair, tied together into a ponytail, and a friendly smile staring at him. He smiles at her, immediately recognizing her.

"Hey, Josephine.", he says friendly-

She approaches him and hugs him tightly.

"Glad you're okay."

"Uhm… thanks… I guess? You, too?", Ian answers, a bit confused. Why is everybody saying this?

"Jo, let him go, you are going to choke him to death.", Anthony interrupts their embrace and hands Ian a small water bottle. "Don't you have something to do? Like an essay or homework?"

Ian suppresses another grin. It's quite obvious now that Anthony wants to be alone with him. He is somehow thankful for that. He senses that Anthony has a lot of questions and that Ian has to tell him parts of his story. Not all of it. He is not ready for that yet, maybe he never will be. He is really glad that it will be just him and Anthony for now.

Jo glares at her brother, flips her hair and scoffs.

"No, actually, but if you wanna be alone with you _boyfriend_ , you just have to mention it."

"JO!", Anthony exclaims, but she is already walking down the hallway. "USE A CONDOM!", she screams before slamming the door to her room shut.

Anthony's eyes and his cheeks are even redder than before, highly visible to Ian. He has difficulty getting rid of them but he tries by rubbing over his face a few times.

"Do you wanna sit by the pool?", he asks Ian, already heading in the direction of the glass door.

"You have a pool now?", Ian asks in surprise.

"Yes, it's awesome! You wanna check it out?", Anthony grins, ready to go outside.

"Uhm, actually, if you don't mind, I would prefer the couch… or maybe your room? I would love to see howt it looks like now."

This request is blunt, Ian knows that, but he really is curious. And he is hoping that the security of Anthony's room will help him tell his story. Also, he has not taken off his hoodie yet. He is kind of cold, although it is still very warm for an evening in March. Ian would also prefer something soft to sit on rather than the cold and probably wet ground by the pool.

"My room then?", Anthony asks shyly.

"Lead the way."

Anthony's room has changed a lot since he last saw it. The furniture has been completely exchanged for something more modern and more grown-up. His room is kept in white and different blue colors. He always admired the size of his best friend's room. There is enough place for a big desk, a huge bed, drawers, a closet, shelves filled with books, and even a small couch. He also has a bathroom of his own, which was very convenient when he would sleep here. They were on their own. They didn't have to leave this room after dinner time. They stayed here and played video games, read books, Anthony lying on his bed and Ian leaning against it, or they would play some silly made up games, pretending to be superheroes or detectives undercover. Anthony's room has always been Ian's safe place. It still is.

"You wanna hold on to that?", Anthony asks him, pointing to his backpack. "You can put it next to my desk. It'll be safe there. Promise."

Ian scolds himself silently. It has become kind of a habit to protect his backpack, his only belongings. But in here? He is acting just plain out weird, he knows that. He nods, smiling embarrassed, and does as Anthony has suggested.

"Couch or bed?"

Ian smiles and answers by throwing himself onto Anthony's bed. So soft. It smells fresh and new. And also a bit like Anthony. Anthony slumps down next to him, sitting cross-legged, watching him with a sad smile.

"Where have you been, Ian?"

 _Okay, here we go._

"Why do you care?"

That just sounded wrong on so many levels. He doesn't mean to start a fight, or be annoyed and pissed at Anthony. It's not his fault, that Ian left, after all.

"How could you ask that?" Anthony sounds hurt. "Do you even know what I've been through since I got here? I was looking all over for you! I came here in the hopes of making up with you, but instead I found a fucking tombstone!"

Ian sits up when he hears that.

"What tombstone?"

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

Anthony takes a deep breath, as if to confess something. He looks uncomfortable and somehow guilty.

"Ian, after you had been missing for almost two years, your father…" He pauses shortly, apparently contemplating whether to speak further. "He declared you dead."

Ian's jaw drops in shock. _Not actually surprised, but_ _pretend to be hurt, f_ _or_ _fuck's sake_ _._

"What about my Mom?"

"She had a nervous breakdown. She checked into the hospital a couple of times."

Ian stays silent for a moment, trying to process all of this new information. He fumbles around with the water bottle, ripping off the label.

"Ian, please start talking.", Anthony suddenly says with a pleading voice, making Ian glance at him.

He gulps, looking back down on his bottle. He takes a deep breath and then he starts telling his story.

"After our fight… after Christmas…" _Something happened. But I_ _won't tell you that_ _._ "I couldn't stay here any longer. It felt like suffocating. I needed to get out. I couldn't stay in that house anymore. I hated everything about it. So, the night before New Year's, I packed up my stuff, took my savings and ran away."

"Was it because of me?", Anthony interrupts him quietly.

"No, not really. I mean, you triggered something in me that I had been suppressing for a while. But you were not really the reason I left. There were so many other things, Anthony. School, bullies, family stuff… I didn't feel happy where I was. I thought I could have a better life somewhere else. I thought it would be easy. I would just travel to the next city, or state, get a job and just… be happy, finally."

Ian pauses, taking another deep breath. Suddenly Anthony's room couldn't be smaller. The walls seem to be closing in on him. He puts the bottle aside and lies down on the bed again and turns away from Anthony, closing his eyes. During the next part of the story, he doesn't want to look at his best friend and he also doesn't want him to look at Ian.

"It turned out differently. The first six months I tramped and mainly hitchhiked around the country. I didn't care where I went, I just wanted to keep on going. I ran out of money pretty fast. I couldn't get a job, I didn't have a place to sleep. So, I just kept on traveling. One time I got inside a man's car who said he would pay me for a certain service. Guess, I was his taste."

"Oh my God, Ian…"

"He paid me well, and I figured, I could just do that. It was the first time in months that I got to sleep at a motel, with a shower. So, I started offering this kind of service to whoever would drive me around. I met kind people, drunk people, and… other kinds of people."

He could hear Anthony's breathing rhythm changing, it sounded staccato-like, short breaths. Was he suppressing to cry?

"But then, one night, I was in New York. It was my first time there. I was looking around for an open diner where I could get some coffee or cheap food. I had like five bucks left. I found a rather small one. I sat down at the bar and ordered a coke. And it must have been fate or some kind of greater force interacting – because in that diner, on that day, on that night, I met Josh."

"Who…is Josh?" Anthony's voice sounds raspy and is breaking mid-sentence.

"Josh is the owner of that car you saw yesterday. He was sitting two stools away from me. We started talking. He felt lonely. And I offered him my services. To make him happy. He smiled at me. And that's how he became my regular customer. He's been basically providing me with food and money throughout the last two and a half years except for some rare occasions where he just wasn't in the country. He got me a phone, clothes and checked me into a hotel after our first night together. Before I met Josh, I would only do blow jobs or would jerk my customers off. But Josh wanted more and I was willing to give him that."

"Ian… stop."

"I am very lucky to have met him. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here right now. He saved my life. I owe him everything. So, that's why he can call me anytime, day or night. We meet up. I let him fuck me and he pays me. A lot. Enough for me to buy food and sleep in a bed at night."

"Ian… please… stop."

Ian does not turn around.

"Why, Anthony? You wanted to know where I was. Now you do."

"I'm sorry, Ian. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. But I just don't understand why you just up and left. Why would you do this to your mother? What happened that made you run away?"

"You wouldn't understand.", Ian says under his breath. "And it doesn't matter now. It happened. You can't change it, and neither can I. But now I'm back."

"Why did you come back?"

That's Ian's cue. He sits up and faces Anthony again, yet avoiding his eyes.

"I wanted to see you. I knew you'd come back for spring break."

"But how?"

"Your sister shares pretty much on her Facebook page. You should tell her to be more discrete." Ian smiles softly. "That's how I found out. Sorry, for sneaking around."

Anthony oddly enough chuckles at that statement.

"Actually, I'm gonna thank her for being so open about everything. Her carelessness brought you here."

Ian looks into Anthony's dark brown gems, and sees that his cheeks are tear-stricken. A sudden rush of guilt hits him hard in the gut, he doesn't know exactly why. But he feels responsible for his friend's tears. And then his body and hands move on their own, as if he has no control over them. His thumb brushes over Anthony's face, wiping away some tears. He come closer, and closer, in the end, closing the space between them by placing a kiss on Anthony's lips.

And Anthony doesn't resist. He leans into the kiss, their lips moving slowly and lovingly against each other. Anthony's hands cup his face, his fingers running through Ian's hair, combing through it, pulling gently on them. Ian moves closer, straddling Anthony, never breaking the kiss. He's in his lap, his legs wrapped around his friend's waist, while his hands roam his back, tugging on his shirt.

What is happening? He has been dreaming of this moment for so long. Kissing Anthony. Feeling his body against his own. Is it the heat of the moment? Is Anthony pitying him and that's why he makes out with him? That's why he is not pushing him away? Because he feels sorry for Ian? No, this can't be. This feels too real. Ian tries to get rid of his thoughts right now, he wants to enjoy this, he wants to focus on Anthony alone. Yet he can't help but play a certain question on constant repeat over and over in his mind.

 _What the fuck is happening right now?_


	9. Chapter 8 - Spark

**Title: Chapter 8 – Spark**

 **A/N: Monday, 1st day of spring break. Anthony spends time with Ian and tries to figure out his feelings. Anthony's POV. This is a freakishly long chapter. Bare with me. T_T**

Warning: smut, NC17, graphic sexual content; A/N: Monday, 1st day of spring break. Anthony spends time with Ian and tries to figure out his feelings. Anthony's POV. This is a freakishly long chapter. Bare with me. T_T

What the fuck is happening right now?

He is kissing Ian. Why? Why is he doing this? Why is he kissing back? Why are his hands entangled in Ian's hair, pulling on it gently, pressing his body against the one of the smaller man's? They are kissing. They are sitting on his bed and are kissing.

Oh my God. Simon. He is cheating on his boyfriend. Which doesn't really bother him. Not at all. It's not like he and Simon are an exclusive item. Or are they? Is he actually betraying his boyfriend's trust? By making out with a lost-and-found friend? Whom he hasn't talked to in years? Is he willing to give up his life and his morals for this boy in front of him? Is he making a huge mistake?

"Anthony...", Ian breathes against his lips, passionate, loving. "I... wanted to do this for so long."

No. This is wrong. He doesn't love Ian. Or does he? He definitely does not love Simon. But why does this all feel so... weird? Not wrong, but just unfamiliar and strange. He needs to stop this before something happens they will both regret later. It wouldn't be fair towards Ian. It would feel like leading him on. And he doesn't want to hurt Ian. He already is hurt and broken enough.

"Wait... Ian... Wait!"

Anthony places his hands on Ian's chest and pushes him away very softly. He fears he will break Ian in two if he touches him too roughly. The other boy just stares at him, confused, brows raised in surprise.

"I... I have a boyfriend.", Anthony begins and adds under his breath, "... of some sort."

Ian's face falls, his eyes big and suddenly sadder than before.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you. We shouldn't have done that."

"Do you love him?", is the instant question which leaves Anthony flabbergasted

"I...I...",, he begins but is interrupted by another one of Ian's questions.

"Anthony?" Quiet voice. "Do you love me?"

"I... I...", he stutters again, not knowing what to answer, how to answer.

Damn it, pull yourself together, man!

Ian suddenly chuckles. It's not a happy chuckle, though. It's a frustrated one. He huffs and gets off the bed.

"I guess I have my answer.", Ian finally says and starts to slowly walk over to the desk to get his backpack.

"No, Ian, wait!" Anthony jumps off his bed and runs over to his friend, grabbing his upper arm. "I like you. I really do. You are my best friend, Ian."

"Was. I was your best friend.", Ian corrects him. "You are such a bad liar, Anthony."

Ian's answer hits Anthony deeply and forcefully into the gut, making his stomach churn.

"We don't have anything in common anymore. We lead different lives. Don't you see it?"

"Then why did you come back, Ian? You said you wanted to see me! Tell me why!"

Ian opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it seconds later, looking down on his feet.

"I don't know what I expected. I just... wanted to see you."

"You love me, don't you?", Anthony asks boldly.

"Yes. Always have. Always will." Almost a whisper. "But it doesn't matter anymore. I won't love someone who doesn't want me. And you made yourself very clear right now what you want. Or rather who."

Ian turns around and heads for the door.

"Ian... wait... STOP!", it bursts out of Anthony. A desperate cry. Ian is about to vanish again, but this time, he will stop it from happening. Simon, or no Simon. "Didn't you hear me at all? I like you, Ian. I like you. Just... please, give me time to figure this out. I loved kissing you. I love you around me. I love you being close to me. Seeing you here, after all of these years, healthy and alive... my heart leaps with joy. It has brought up so many different feelings. Please... Ian... please. Stay. Don't leave. Not like this. Give me the benefit of the doubt. Give me time to think."

Ian hasn't turned around yet. Is he seriously considering leaving? Ian must truly hate him right now. He is messing up his world, his life. But what kind of life is that? Living on the streets. Making a living by selling his body to some rich-ass stranger. Who does things to him Anthony doesn't even want to imagine. He doesn't want those pictures in his head.

"Anthony?"

Anthony flinches at Ian's voice and expects something negative to happen. Ian leaving. Never coming back again. Hating him. Forgetting him.

"Can I sleep here tonight?"

The taller man's face lights up immediately.

"Of course, you can!"

Only now does Ian turn around to face his friend. Tears are streaming down his face. Sad tears? Happy tears? Anthony can't tell. Suddenly Ian bumps into his chest, wrapping his skinny little arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you for not letting me go.", he whispers into Anthony's shirt, voice muffled, hoarse, breaking.

Anthony's heart almost breaks in half when hearing this. He would never let him go again. He is way to precious, a treasure, a star in the night sky. He needs to be protected and kept safe. Something terrible has happened to his best friend. Something he won't tell Anthony yet. Maybe later, when they have worked things out again. When Ian finally trusts Anthony again. And Anthony will be around when that happens.

 _Who has hurt you, Ian? Why did you leave a Sacramento? What happened?_

* * *

"Simon... Simon! Calm down...", Anthony whisper-shouts, trying not to wake up Ian who is still fast asleep in his bed. "No, I didn't... It just happened!... Well, I'm sorry if you don't believe that. I just need a little bit time to figure this out, okay? No... No! We are not breaking up, I just need a break from us... Because he needs me right now... No, this doesn't concern you at all! ... Simon!"

Simon has hung up. Anthony's urge to throw his phone against the next wall rises, but he manages to calm himself down again. Deep, slow breaths. He knew that Simon would not understand his situation.

"Hey..."

Anthony jerks when he hears Ian's soft voice. He looks over his shoulder and sees Ian watching him through half-closed eyes. His hair is good-morning-messy, a few strains falling into his clear blue eyes. A gorgeous view which mesmerizes him completely. And he forgets how to speak "human" at all.

"Is everything alright?", Ian asks, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah..." It comes out as a screech. Anthony clears his throat and tries again. "Yeah, don't worry. I just... I had to tell Simon I want a break."

"Oh." Ian's friendly features change into serious ones. "Is it because of me?"

Anthony stands up from the floor where he is sitting and goes over to lie down next to Ian again. He is watched closely by the other boy, maybe wondering what Anthony is about to do next. He is right next to him, though no body parts are touching. His arm is tugged under his head, eyes locked with Ian's.

"Partly. You showing up in my life again has changed a lot. Though I've never been quite sure about Simon either. He's a great guy, but kind of... clingy.", Anthony answers.

Ian chuckles a little at that. He is lying on his belly, head resting on his arms and pillow, looking at Anthony.

"Where did you stay last night?", Anthony asks, scolding himself for not having asked this question sooner. He never knew where Ian went that night they met.

"At a hotel. Josh paid enough for me to stay there for the next two-... few days if I want."

"Is it a nice hotel?"

"It's okay. Bed, shower, TV. I don't need more. That's enough."

Anthony raises his brows in pity, not noticing it at all, however, Ian does and shoots him a slight glare.

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't look at me like that. I'm fine. I was fine the last three years."

"Sorry.", Anthony answers and shuts up, pressing his lips together. Ian's face softens at that gesture.

"Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the concern. It's just that I don't need you to worry, okay?"

Anthony nods but avoids Ian's eyes. He then rolls onto his other side and gets up.

"I'm gonna make breakfast now. What do you want? I can cook. I can make basically anything. Waffles, pancakes, eggs, bacon. Or are you a vegetarian? If you don't eat meat, we also have a lot of vegan food, because I'm vegan, you know. But Jo always eats my food, so we have to check if there's anything left. But I can definitely find something you like. I can make you a bowl of fruit, or if you want vegetables or cereal, we got that, too-"

"Anthony.", Ian interrupts his rambling for which he is kind of thankful for. "Do you want me to stay?"

Anthony exhales deeply and nods his head slowly.

"Yes. Please stay. I know you don't want my pity. But I worry. I can't help it. I don't want you staying in a hotel. I want you here." With me.

Suddenly he feels Ian's head leaning against his back, his slim arms slinging around his chest, pulling him closer. His heart beat quickens instantly.

"I'll stay.", Ian says quietly. "For you."

* * *

Jo has already left for school. Unfortunately for her, her school doesn't have a spring break. She will be back Thursday evening, which means Anthony will be spending the week alone with Ian. Which is not a bad thing at all. He needs the time together with his – he guesses former best – friend. And time to think everything over. His feelings are still all very blurry and messy. They are all over the place.

Ian sleeping next to him. Listening to him breathing. Alive. Well. Right here. With him.

Anthony doesn't want to rush things. Breaking up with Simon has been hard enough. Yes, that's what it was in the end. A break-up. He got a text from Simon the same day after breakfast, a very hurt message, stating that he couldn't handle this. That he would rather not be together with Anthony at all than have to share him with someone else. Not knowing how he truly felt about him. And that's when their temporary break-up turned into a permanent one. Anthony is not really bummed about that, but his mind is a bit occupied during the day. Not intentionally, but he is not really himself today.

His parents will come back from their trip in the evening. Anthony has already called them, telling them about the good news, that Ian was alive and well. They were thrilled to have Ian around, and his mother already planned out their evening. Going out. Dinner. Pizza. A big celebration. Anthony smiled throughout their whole conversation. He convinced his mother to just order in pizza, that Ian wanted to stay home.

The truth is, however, that Ian doesn't want anyone to know he is back in town. Especially, not his mother. And nobody is supposed to know about how he spend the last three years. So, instead of going to the huge Sacramento mall, they stay home, only going for a quick walk around the block.

And that's where they are right now when Ian notices Anthony's somehow gloomy mood. They have reached a nearby playground, which is normally full of children but not today. They sit down on the swings, each of them swaying gently from side to side.

"What's wrong? You haven't been very talk-active since breakfast."

"It's nothing, really. I don't even know myself why I'm so bummed about this now." Anthony pauses and kicks a small rock, it soars through the air until it hits the pavement. "Simon and I broke up for good."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I feel like I'm causing you nothing but trouble since I got back. I didn't really mean to, though. I just wanted to see you. Talk to you."

"It's really not your fault, Ian. I think I'm just a bit upset about how it ended. Our conversation didn't go so well, and his text... I feel a bit guilty. Like I've led him on or something." Anthony shakes his head to get rid of those negative thoughts. "Let's not talk about that anymore. It's good as it is."

"Okay." Ian nods and keeps on swinging back and forth.

"What do you wanna do? Do you wanna go somewhere special?"

"I... I'm not sure. I don't want to be recognized."

"Don't worry about that. I got a car, we can go anywhere you want. Leave the city. Go somewhere where no one knows you."

Ian stops swinging and looks at Anthony, smiling. It's a happy smile. A real, honest and cheerful smile. Anthony takes a deep breath, relieved that his friend seems to be fine with that plan.

"Yes, let's do that."

"Okay! It's settled!" Anthony swings a bit more energetically now and then jumps off the swing, stumbling but not falling. "Come on!"

Anthony stretches out his hand and Ian takes it shyly. Their hands touch and Anthony's heart makes a small leap. They walk back together to the house and spend the rest of the day planning out their week. After a few hours of clicking through different websites and looking at photographs of various locations, they have found three places they both want to visit: Folsom State Recreation Area, San Francisco, and Mendocino National Forest.

"That sounds like a plan!", Anthony exclaims happily and takes a few more notes. Suddenly his phone goes off, vibrating twice. A message from Shayne.

 **S: hey doofus! :D i made some time and could come to sac on thursday**

 **S: u got time?**

Anthony grins at once, typing an answer right away.

 **A: who u callin doofus, doofus? :P**

 **A: thursday is fine**

 **A: can u come around noon?**

 **S: done and done**

 **S: text me your address**

 **S: cu soon, buddy! :)**

 **A: awesome! can't wait! :D**

 **A: cu! :)**

* * *

"You promise?"

"Yes. I won't tell anything."

"What will you tell them?", Ian asks, fumbling with his shirt.

"I won't tell them anything. That's your job. Come up with something and I'll support you."

Ian gulps and nods.

"Hey, it's gonna be fine. I'll make sure my parents won't pester you too much with questions you don't want to answer."

Anthony feels the urge to take Ian into his arms, embrace him and hold. But instead, he just rubs his upper arm gently and comfortingly. He doesn't have the time to do more because he can hear his parents' car driving into the garage. They walk to the front door and wait for them to enter. Suddenly Anthony feels like he's 12 years old again, waiting for his parents to come home from work, asking them if he and Ian can have a sleepover on the weekend. Yet now, it's more than just a weekend. And more than just until the end of spring break. Ian doesn't know it, and he won't say anything unless he has his parents' permission. It's their house after all.

Anthony's mother walks in first and starts sobbing at once at the sight if Ian standing there, dressed in black sweatpants and a white tee, his hands nervously playing around with the hem of his shirt, smiling awkwardly. She takes him into a hug, rocking him from side to side. Anthony has to break them up, fearing that his mother might just choke Ian to death. His father has a slightly different reaction. No crying, but he also greets Ian by embracing him.

It's just a very small movement, but Anthony notices at once. His father takes a step toward Ian, and Ian almost instantly backs away. However, it's just for a split second, because then he lets himself being wrapped inside of the arms of Anthony's Dad.

The house is immediately a bit louder than the last two days. His mother is chatting away, telling her son about the trip, and about their friends. His father already is on the phone ordering pizzas while Ian is helping out in the kitchen. He slices some tomatoes for the salad.

"Ian, you can't even imagine how much I missed you having here!", she beams while throwing some chopped up cucumbers into a huge glass bowl. "I remember when you were little as if it was yesterday. You would always help me in the kitchen. Anthony would set the table and we would eat dinner. Remember?"

"Yes, I do, Mrs. Padilla.",Ian answers friendly, smiling.

Anthony takes out four plates and four glasses and places them on the table.

"I loved having you here over the weekends.", Anthony's mother adds. "You were like a second son to me. And I think Janet said something very similar about Anthony, too."

"Really?", Anthony shows up right beside her at the sound of his name.

"Yes! She was also so happy when you were at Ian's. I saw her smiling rather rarely, but when you were having your sleepovers, she seemed so relaxed and cheerful." She pauses and looks over at Ian. "I never saw your father on the weekends. He must have traveled around a lot."

"Yes. But it was okay. My father never really liked the weekends.", Ian answers, his voice suddenly monotonous and his eyes empty. "I saw him a lot throughout the rest of the week, though."

"Well, at least you had that! Spending time with your father in the afternoons and evenings must have been fun!", she continues, finishing the salad and carrying the bowl over to the dining table.

Their pizzas arrive ten minutes later, so they all take their seats and dig in hungrily.

Anthony is paying quite a lot of attention to the conversation. His parents start carefully asking Ian about the past three years. He tells them he ran away because of his parents' divorce. That he couldn't handle it. That he didn't have any friends. And so he decided to leave Sacramento. He tells them that he lived with an estranged uncle in Kentucky. Which is a straight-out lie, Ian doesn't have any relatives living there. He also explains that he was so angry with his parents that he didn't want to talk to them, that's why he didn't come back. But his uncle made him return now, so he could visit Anthony and also his mother. He dropped him off at a parking lot in Woodland. And that's how he and Anthony met that night.

Oh, this sounds incredibly convincing. The way he tells this story, his mouth slightly pouted, eyes glistening. Ian is a master at lying, and his parents buy all of his bullshit story. Anthony isn't too happy about it, he hates lying to his parents. But he also can understand Ian's side. So, he keeps a straight face and nods along, since his mother is seeking confirmation by shooting him small glances.

After their dinner together which went frankly speaking very well, Ian excuses himself to Anthony's room, feeling tired. Which is the perfect moment for Anthony to address a certain topic.

"Uhm... Dad? Mom? Can I ask you something?

"Sure, honey. What's up?"

His parents are sitting together on the couch, enjoying their evening together when Anthony decides to disturb them.

"It's about Ian... He doesn't really get along with his mother... well, at least not now. So, I was wondering if he could stay in my room until he has talked to her."

"Yes, of course, he can stay!", his mother says, smiling. "He can stay here as long as he wants."

Wow. That was actually pretty easy.

"Great, thanks, Mom."

"Anthony!", his father calls out, making him come back, looking at his father curiously. "There is no uncle in Kentucky, right?"

"Yes, there is! Ian... worked there... on the ranch. He had a nice life. He had food and a bed... and friends!"

 _Dude. Way too defensive. Way too obvious._

"Anthony, it's okay if you want to protect your friend. But I know for a fact that neither Janet nor his father... or step-father for that matter... have any relatives there."

Anthony can feel the color draining from his face.

"You don't need to tell us. And neither does Ian. It's fine. We... We kind of can imagine what he's been going through. I just wanna tell you this: If Ian moves in here, he has to end his old life. Period. Understood?"

"Yes, Dad.", Anthony answers seriously.

"You don't need to tell him that I told you that. Tell him yourself. Make him listen. I gotta feeling he will listen to you, and to you only."

Anthony looks over at his mother whose face reflects nothing but empathy and also sadness.

"I'll try."

"Good. Will you be going out tonight?", his mother asks, getting more comfortable on the couch now that the serious talk is over apparently.

"No, we'll play some video games or watch a movie in my room."

"Okay. Have a nice evening, dear."

Anthony wishes them also a good night and walks over to his room. On the way there he prays that Ian will agree to his plans, that he will stay here with his parents, even after spring break. Here, where it's safe. Where he doesn't have to meet up with pervy strangers called "Josh". His heart races at the thought of Josh lying on top of Ian's fragile body, slamming into him mercilessly, making him suck his dick, using him for his own needs. Abusing him.

Anthony clenches his fist and punches the wall next to him so hard, his knuckles start to bleed. Also, his little outburst left a few bloody marks on the white wall. Goddammit. He makes a u-turn, heading for the guest bathroom. He cleans up his hand, which is hurting like hell right now, wets a towel and rubs the wall clean. He sighs deeply, shakes his head violently, his hair whirling around him. He checks his wounded hand one last time before entering his room.

He is greeted with a very adorable view. Ian lying on his bed, writing something in a little notebook.

"Hey!", he says, closing the door behind him, taking a small water bottle out of his closet and slumping down next to his friend.

"Hey.", Ian answers, closing his notebook so that Anthony cannot take a peek.

"What are you writing?", he asks and opens the bottle.

"Journal entry. Gotta keep track.", Ian answers rather abruptly.

"Oh, that's nice." Anthony takes a gulp out of his water bottle.

Ian sits up, watching him. He puts the notebook and pencil away, his eyes completely fixed on the taller man.

"Hey, Anthony?"

"Hm?" Still drinking.

"You wanna have sex?"

Water. Everywhere. In Anthony's nose, throat, on the bed, on his shirt. Coughing. More coughing. Chocking.

Ian bursts out laughing. A lovely, cheerful and genuine laugh.

"Dude, chill! It was just a joke!", he says in between his laughs. He pats Anthony a few times on the back, helping him calm down.

 _Thank you, Ian. Really. Thank you a lot. Way too many images in my head right now._

After a few seconds, Anthony has got his breath back. He puts the water bottle on his nightstand and lets himself fall onto the pillow.

"Man... You almost gave me a heart attack."

 _I see me kissing you. Fiercely. Wildly. I'm running my hands through your hair._

Ian lies down next to him, just like this morning. Chest to chest. Face to face. Looking into each other's eyes.

 _I trail kisses down your neck. You moan, hiss and start panting. You arch your back, longing for more._

"Anthony?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you so nice to me?"

Is that a legit question?

"I mean... I said so many terrible things during our fight. I... I never thought you would forgive me."

 _I undress you. First your shirt. I pull it over your head and mess up your hair. Your bangs fall into your blue eyes. You stare at me. Eyes half-closed. Lips parted. Cheeks flushed. An embarrassed and shy glance hits me deeply in my heart. You look stunning. Amazing. I want to make you mine. I want to make you feel good._

"I also said a lot of horrific things, Ian. It took two to break up this friendship."

"Is it?"

"Broken? No, I don't think so. It doesn't feel like it."

"I have the same feeling."

 _I hover my body over yours. I am afraid to crush you, break your bones, if I let my weight fall onto your fragile and slim figure. You whisper my name. I take your nipples between my teeth, biting them gently. You moan and bite down on your lower lip. I lick and suck around it, and then move over to the other one, repeating my actions._

"Anthony?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. For caring. For giving us a chance. And for letting me stay here with you."

 _I make my way down south, but not without devouring every piece of skin possible. I reach your pants. I touch your crotch, massaging you through the fabric and again I gain moans and hisses from you. Your cries of pleasure fill the room, making me hard instantly. Your voice sparks something in me, a fire I thought never existed. I pull down your pants just enough to free you. I wrap my hand around the base and begin to move it up and down slowly._

"I know we were so young back then in junior high, but I'm sure that I loved you even then. When you told me that you were going to move away, to some boarding high school, I was crushed beyond imagination. I thought I was going to lose you forever. And I kind of did."

Ian's honest words sting a dagger into Anthony's heart.

"I am sorry, Ian. I never intended on hurting you. I was just so focused on my own dreams."

"I get that. And I don't blame you."

 _When you begin to writhe more and more under me, I take you into my mouth. At first, I suck gently at the top, covering it completely with my saliva, letting you slide out with a pop. I keep on jerking you off while my lips are wrapped tightly around your cock. I start bopping my head, speeding up the pace gradually. I feel you wriggle and thrust your hips into my mouth._

Anthony scoots closer. Now that he has Ian so close again, lying next to him, taking in his sweet scent, he can't really grasp why he didn't see it sooner. There are some very strong and intense feelings for Ian deeply locked up inside of him. He always thought it was their soul-mate-like friendship, but maybe it was more. It definitely is now.

 _I feel your fingers digging into my hair, pulling on it gently, and I know you are close. I take you all in, so that you hit the back of my throat with every thrust or bopping of my head. I send you over the edge and you shout out in pure pleasure, having finally reached your climax. I swallow your sweet juice and lick my lips, enjoying every bit of it. You grab my shoulders and pull me up again, kissing me passionately, wanting to feel the taste of yourself in my mouth. You break the kiss. You stare at me mesmerized, panting, satisfied. And then you whisper two words into my ear that I've been yearning to hear you speak._

He suddenly has no control over his body when, after having gazed into each other's eyes for a while in complete silence, Ian is suddenly kissing him, deeply and passionately. Like the night before. But this time, Anthony has no plans to back away. Tonight he wants to feel Ian's skin on his. Wants to be buried inside of him, wants to give him pleasure, wants his lips pressed against his.

Ian breaks the kiss. He stares at Anthony mesmerized, panting, longing visible in his eyes. He leans in even closer, his lips right next to Anthony's ear. And then he whispers two sinful words into his ear. Words that Anthony has never thought would spark a certain fire inside of him.

"Take me."


	10. Chapter 9 - Friends

**Title: Chapter 9 - Friends**

 **Warning: Rated NC-17, smut, graphic sexual content;**

 **A/N: Ian's time in Sacramento. A serious talk. Ian's POV. Small time jumps. :)**

Anthony is loving, tender and gentle during their lovemaking. Although, at this stage in their relationship, Ian doesn't really want to call it like that. He is very certain about his own feelings, but he feels that Anthony is still confused about his. He has just broken up with his boyfriend for crying out loud. Of course, this is happening too fast. Of course, they haven't talked about anything yet. Not the past, not their fight, not the present, not their feelings.

However, Ian doesn't care right now. He is aware of all these problems but he is kissing Anthony. He cannot focus on anything else. He wants to enjoy their intimate moments while they last. He's not sure when Anthony is going to wake up and smell the reality. Something just overcame him and he had to kiss his friend. One more time. Feeling his body against his. And luckily for Ian, Anthony doesn't push him away this time. He embraces Ian, holds him in his arms while placing small and gentle kisses on his face, lips, jaw and neck.

They change their position, so that Anthony is lying on top of Ian, hovering his hands over Ian's skinny body. They are still kissing, not needing a break. Ian's roaming his hands over Anthony's back, gripping him tightly, not wanting to let go. Anthony's hands start to put pressure on his skin, releasing a bunch of emotions in Ian. The taller man's hand wander southward, reaching his crotch. This small and actually meant-to-be-loving gesture oddly enough startles Ian so much that he pushes Anthony off of him and sits up.

He rubs the back of his hand over his lips and stares at Anthony's chest.

"Ian... I'm sorry... I...", Anthony begins but halts, apparently not knowing how to go on. "I was just so... caught up in the mom-"

That's the moment Ian straddles Anthony, getting comfortable in his friend's lap. Realization hits him. It was like some strange kind of reflex. The only man who has ever touched him like this, or maybe even kissed him like this, has been Josh. No one else. Anthony's touch feels unfamiliar, and that's what startled Ian a bit. He looks into Anthony's worried, big dark brown eyes, and smiles gently, hoping he can take away his friend's fears and concerns.

"Ian...We don't really have to-"

"I want you, Anthony.", he interrupts him, meaning every word, kissing his cheeks, hands around his neck. He wants Anthony. Now. Raw. Wild. Passionate. He wants to please Anthony. He is going to do that, the one thing he has always been good at.

Ian pulls down the taller man's pants and briefs, just enough to free Anthony's hard cock. Then he works on his own sweats and briefs, taking them off completely. Anthony's eyes widen in surprise when Ian positions him in front of his entrance. He is about to sit down when Anthony grabs him tightly.

"Ian, stop!", he shouts, panting, a shocked expression on his face. "Condom!"

Ian looks at him curiously but then nods smiling. Anthony points to his drawer, Ian takes out one package, rips it open and rolls it onto Anthony's length. After that, nothing can stop him from giving Anthony pleasure. He pushes himself onto the other man, and starts riding him, slowly at first and gradually speeding up his movements.

Quiet moans, hisses, and pants fill the room, Ian holding onto Anthony's upper chest, his arms around his neck, and Anthony gripping his hips and supporting the smaller man. Ian's heart races at the sensation of Anthony filling him, being buried inside of him. He starts moving faster, and faster, pulling all out of Anthony before pushing back on forcefully. They both come almost at the same time, Ian releasing himself against Anthony's chest, and Anthony screaming out his orgasm, which is muffled by him pressing his mouth into Ian's shoulder.

"Was it good?", Ian asks, panting heavily, after they have calmed down a bit.

"Yes... fuck yes...", Anthony answers, chuckling.

"Good."

A content grin spreads on Ian's lips as he unmounts the other man and gets dressed again.

"I think we need new shirts.", Anthony says, taking off his cum-spilled shirt and throwing it to the ground.

"Uhm... Yes, I think so.", Ian stutters and walks over to his backpack, taking out a fresh shirt. "I'm gonna... take a quick shower if you don't mind."

"No, not at all.", Anthony answers, tossing away the used condom into the bin, his back to Ian. "Can I join you?"

"I... I'll be quick.", is the only answer Ian can think of and closes the bathroom door. He leans against the door and exhales deeply. He takes off his shirt and then looks at himself in the mirror, long and thorough. Scars on his chest, abdomen and back. Small cigarette burns. Bruises from a week ago that haven't healed yet. He swallows hard, letting out a deep breath.

He is not ready to show Anthony how broken and bruised he really is.

* * *

The next two days are filled with laughter and happy new memories to feed on later. On Tuesday, they visit the Mendocino National Forest. They go hiking, stroll around nature, laughing and spotting an animal here and there. Anthony takes a bunch of selfies with his phone, forcing Ian to join him in doing stupid faces and poses. They have brought along sandwiches, some fruits and enough water to stay in the forest all day long.

They make a small picnic by Lake Pilsbury, taking in the beautiful landscape and scenery. While they are enjoying their sandwiches, Anthony sits a bit away from Ian, leaving some space between them.

"I don't bite.", Ian finally says and Anthony looks up wide-eyed.

"Oh... No, it's not that... I just... I wanted to...", he stutters, looking everywhere now but not at Ian. "I just wanted to give you some space."

Ian can't help but chuckle at that statement. Maybe it's because of last night that Anthony has been a bit more distant than the last few days. It's his fault. He shouldn't have backed away. Ian feels Anthony slipping away again and decides to do something about that. So, he pushes their water bottles, which lie between them, aside and scoots closer, their shoulders touching now.

"See? Still not biting.", he states, making Anthony smile. "Well, at least, not now...", he adds in a lower voice, pecking his friend on the cheek. "Thanks for the trip, Anthony. I really enjoy spending time with you."

"Sure. You're welcome." An obvious blush lights up on Anthony's cheeks.

"I know you still have to think about a lot of things and come clean with your feelings. Just want you to know, that whatever you decide, I hope we can at least still be friends. I am willing to give us another shot."

Ian doesn't know himself where these thoughts have just come from, but they are heartfelt and honest. He loves Anthony, yes, but if he doesn't love Ian back, if this all has just been a way for Anthony to be sure about his feelings, then Ian will understand. It won't be easy going back to just being friends after Ian has experienced things he has been dreaming of for so long, but he will try. He just doesn't want to lose Anthony. Not as a lover, not as a friend.

The rest of the day is spent with a quick dive in the lake, relaxing in the sun afterward and then hiking back to the car. When they arrive at home, late in the evening, Ian falls into Anthony's bed, tired, exhausted, but happy that he got to spend such an awesome time with his friend. Anthony soon joins him, curls up next to him, wrapping an arm around Ian's waist, and they both fall asleep like that within minutes.

The next day the pack up their things and drive down to San Francisco, and it turns out to be one hell of a trip. Their first stop is the famous Pier 39 where they actually see some sea lions sunbathing; they take a walk down Lombard Street, taking in the beautiful and colorful scenery surrounding them; they visit the aquarium at the California Academy of Sciences; in the late afternoon they end up at Super Duper Burger's, where you can apparently find the best burgers ever made.

Ian has never been to San Francisco, so Anthony shows him around, telling him all the little anecdotes and stories surrounding this colorful and cheerful city.

"You wanna know something...uhm... dirty?", Anthony asks at one point as they are strolling through the Golden Gate Park. "There is an annual Masturbate-a-thon. It's for charity. And the current record is 10 hours."

"Holy shit!", Ian exclaims. "How does this even work?"

"Don't ask me." He leans over, nuzzling Ian's ear. "Me, I just have to look at you and I could come right here. Right now. Wouldn't take me 10 seconds."

This time around, it's Ian whose cheeks turn red at once at that statement. Anthony is a bit more self-confident today, a little bit cocky even. He even holds Ian's hand sometimes throughout the day, squeezing it gently from to time. And right now, he is totally exaggerating. Ian doesn't like to think of himself as the type of guy other guys, especially hot guys like his friend, swoon over. However, he accepts the compliment; on the outside, he plays the cool one and punches his friend jokingly in the arm.

They are on the drive home when Anthony's phone goes off. He asks Ian to check it.

"It's Shayne. You want me to read it out for you?"

Anthony nods and Ian opens the message.

 **S: yo, doofus,** i'm **already in Sacramento, visiting my uncle and aunt.**

 **S: i can be at your place tomorrow around noon**

 **S: cu then :)**

"Perfect!", Anthony says excitedly. "I gotta prepare everything before he arrives. Gotta go shopping. You wanna come along tomorrow or do you wanna sleep in? I really gotta buy a bunch of Sour Patch Kids. He loves them!"

Ian smiles at Anthony's enthusiasm and excitement to see his friend again. He looks out of the window. Weird. His stomach suddenly hurts a bit.

They arrive in Sacramento at around 8:30 pm. They quickly say hi to Anthony's parents, tell them shortly about their day and head for Anthony's room. It's become kind of a habit that Ian takes a shower first, already getting ready for bed, and then it's Anthony's turn. One hour later they are both relaxing, Ian watching a movie while Anthony is quite occupied with planning out the day with Shayne.

"We gotta order Thai, cause Shayne loves Thai and spicy food. And then we could play some Mario Kart and Super Mario Bros on my new Wii. And later we gotta go for a swim in the pool. Shayne used to be in the swimming club at my college, a really good one..." Anthony pauses, which makes Ian glance at him. "...but he hurt his arm last summer. And his swimming career was over. He could have become an Olympic swimmer. He holds the record for the fastest 100m freestyle nationwide. Some scouts were already interested in him, but... yeah, well, life sucks sometimes."

"No shit." Ian doesn't even notice that he has said that out loud. Must have slipped.

Anthony apparently hasn't heard his remark or he chooses to ignore it.

"Anthony?" Ian mutes the television and walks over to Anthony who is sitting on his bed, taking notes and writing a shopping list.

"Yes?"

"Tell me about your life."

Only now does Anthony put aside his notes and pencil and he turns around to face Ian.

"What do you wanna know?"

"What your life was like. After you left. After our fight. Did you feel lonely? Did you make new friends quickly?" Ian pauses for a moment, bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. "Did you miss me at all?"

Anthony shifts so that he sits next to Ian now, leaning against the bedhead.

"Yes, I did. A lot, actually. I missed my best friend."

Ian flinches slightly at that but other than that doesn't move.

"The first year at that boarding school was really tough on me. You know how shy and self-conscious I was back then. It felt strange. I was quite lonely. High school was actually a really bad time for me. I barely made acquaintances. Colleagues. I was stressed out, I couldn't keep up with my teammates in our swimming team, my grades were not so good. I began doubting whether I really belonged there. If it had been the right decision to leave everything and everyone behind for a dream I apparently would never achieve."

"Sorry to hear that. I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wouldn't have mattered. You wouldn't have changed my mind. And around that time of our fight, it got a bit better. I got new teammates. I trained harder. I pulled myself together. I focused on what was important, and that was my dream. Swimming. Being free. And so I didn't mind having no friends, as long as I was able to swim. I kept on moving forward. And then I graduated. I got into the university I wanted, and everything changed from there on. Suddenly I had a bunch of people supporting me, who wanted to hang out with. Me and Shayne, we hit it off almost right away."

"He's a bit older, right?"

"One year. He showed me around on my first day at the university. We bonded over our love for swimming and we have the same kind of humor. I stopped hiding. He was nice to me and wanted to be my friend."

"I didn't know that you had such a hard time, Anthony.", Ian muttered. That weird feeling in his stomach intensifies times a hundred. Yet this time out of guilt and not jealousy. "But I'm glad you're doing okay now. And I can't wait to meet your new best friend. I bet it's gonna be a fun day tomorrow."

Ian leans back and rests his head against Anthony's shoulder.

"Yes, I'm also very excited for you to meet Shayne.", Anthony adds, slinging an arm around Ian's waist. "And Ian?"

"Hm?"

"I have enough friends already. All I need now is someone to love."

Ian smiles. It's not really a love confession, but it will do for now.


	11. Chapter 10 - Broken Boy

**Title: Chapter 10 – Broken Boy**

 **A/N: Ian and Jo talk. Ian reveals something about himself to Anthony. Split-screen POV. Another very long one. Wasn't actually my intetion. O.o Get comfy, I guess? Enjoy!**

"NO! Don't you dare, dude!"

Anthony smirks.

"You will not stop me!"

Anthony's evil laugh echoes throughout the living room.

"ANTHONY USED BLUE SHELL!"

Shayne watches as a blue thingy flies over Bowser and crashes down on him.

"NO! YOU BITCH!"

"IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!"

And that's the moment Yoshi passes Bowser and takes the first place. Game over.

Shayne drops his controller, throws his hands up in the air and lets himself fall backwards on the floor.

"You have defeated me... I thought... you were my friend...", he croaks, right in the middle of a fake-death.

"Bitch, you know I won't go easy on you, just because you're older than me!"

"You should, though.", Shayne replies and sits up again. "You know... I have a few more swimming tricks left in storage, and I was about to teach them to you... but since you don't have the decency to at least let me win in a – what I can just call – unfair and deceitful game of Mario Kart-"

"No! Please!" Anthony kneels in front of Shayne and makes a few bows. "I AM NOT WORTHY! PLEASE TEACH ME SENPAI!"

"You are so lucky that the weather in California is as it is. And that you got a pool."

Shayne stands up in a flash and runs outside.

"What are you waiting for, doofus!", Anthony can hear him yell and only seconds later a loud splashing noise follows.

Anthony bursts out laughing and looks over at Ian, who has been sitting on the couch, playing Pokemon on Anthony's old Gameboy Advance SP. Not laughing. He has been pretty quiet and didn't want to play with him and Shayne, explaining that he doesn't really know how to play and that he didn't want to spoil their fun.

"You coming, too?", he asks and Ian glances at him, shaking his head slowly.

"Later maybe. Gotta get out of Rock Tunnel first."

"Okay. We'll be in the pool."

He gets up and kisses the top of his head gently, rubbing a hand over his back.

"Okay.", is Ian's one-word answer. Anthony has been getting a lot of those all day long. He's about to ask Ian what's going on but then he hears Shayne calling his name.

"Anthony! Come on!"

"I'll be right there, just a sec!" He turns his attention back to the boy in front him. "If you need swimming trunks, I got some in the top drawer in my room. It's the one right next to my closet."

"Got it."

Two words. Okay then. Anthony leaves Ian alone for now and decides to have fun with Shayne. It wouldn't be fair since Shayne has had a long drive and went through a lot of trouble to pay him a visit. He dashes outside and jumps head first into the pool, swim-diving almost all the way through the other end of the pool.

"So, what about those tricks?", Anthony asks, coming to the surface, gasping for air.

"First – a race. Then – training.", Shayne answers and swims over to him.

Anthony pulls himself out of the pool and takes his position at the edge of the pool, soon joined by Shayne who is standing next to him now.

"Ready!", Shayne shouts and both of them bend down. "Set! Go!"

It's quite a close race with Anthony and Shayne hitting the pool wall at the end at almost the same time. Anthony has not put all of his energy into that swim, knowing just too well that Shayne's shoulder wouldn't have handled it well.

The two friends spend the next two hours jumping in and out of the pool. Shayne shows Anthony a few new techniques and tricks, one being how to hold your breath properly and take longer and more precise strokes. Then they start a water blaster game, with Shayne winning this one by far. The moment he throws Anthony into the pool, is also the moment Ian joins them. Anthony's face immediately lights up when he sees the boy approaching them. He's wearing Anthony's blue swimming trunks and a light blue tee.

"Ian! Come on in! The water is great!"

The other boy comes closer and plops down on the stone ground at the edge of the pool, letting his legs slide into the cool water. Anthony swims over to him, positions himself in front of him, kicks off the ground and gives him a quick peck on the lips before gravity pulls him back into the pool again.

"Is everything alright?", he asks worriedly, noticing that the cheerful shimmer in Ian's eyes that has been there for the past few days, somehow has faded away.

"It's nothing. I...I don't feel so good. Maybe I'm coming down with something." Ian leans down and places a loving kiss on Anthony's cheek. "You have fun, okay? Don't worry about me."

"Are you sure? You wanna lie down? Do you need some pain killers?" Still worried. Even more so.

"No, Anthony, it's really fine."

"Hey! What's up lovebirds? Doofus! Don't you want revenge?", Shayne shouts over to them. "I can even fight against both of you. I'm gonna win either way." He lets out a fake-evil laugh.

Anthony looks over to his friend and joins his laugh.

"No, it's just me and you. Let's do this!"

And the fight goes on with both of them chasing each other with their water blasters and Ian watching them, from time to time letting out a quiet squeak whenever Shayne is about to win and almost manages to push Anthony into the pool.

"DIE!", he shouts, shoving a bit harder now, yet Anthony is putting all of his strength into a counter attack and actually is able to throw Shayne to the ground.

"VICTORY!", he exclaims triumphantly, placing a foot on Shayne's chest and throwing his arms up in the air.

"Okay, okay! You win, I lo-" Shayne's voice breaks as he suddenly screams out in pain. "Fuck!"

Anthony immediately is on his knees, his smile replaced by a worried expression.

"Shayne!"

Shayne sits up while grabbing his left shoulder tightly.

"Fucking shoulder...", he curses under his breath. "It's okay. I must have landed on a small rock or something."

He begins to rub his shoulder, trying to massage the pain away.

"It's burning hot!", Anthony notices after having placed a hand on Shayne's pain region. "Come on, you gotta cool it.", he suggests and helps him get up carefully.

"Stay here.", he can hear Ian's voice say, suddenly very close now. Anthony turns around and sees him standing not a foot away. "I'll get the ice bag. You sit down."

And off he is, running inside the house.

"You won't find the good ice cream in there."

Ian smiles at hearing Jo's voice and looks behind him to find her standing there, arms crossed, grinning.

"Welcome back.", he says, taking out the ice bag and scanning the kitchen for a dishtowel. "When did you get back?"

"About half an hour ago." Jo seems to know what he's looking for and walks over to a drawer. "Here." She hands him the towel. "Who's hurt?"

"Shayne. It's his shoulder."

"Oh, Shayne is here?", Jo's face lightens up more, if that's even possible. "Gotta say hi!"

Ian wraps the ice bag in the towel.

"Hey. Why the gloomy face?", she suddenly asks, making Ian jump slightly.

"I'm not gloomy."

"Sure.", Jo answers sarcastically, coming closer now and hugging him. "Hello, by the way."

"Hi.", Ian says and breaks the embrace. "Would you mind bringing Shayne the ice bag?"

Jo narrows her eyes, looking him up and down.

"Something is up, and you're gonna tell me." She takes the ice bag from Ian's hand. "You. Go. My room. I'll be right there."

Normally, Ian would resist or talk back. Or maybe not. Who knows. He has never been confronted with a self-confident teenager version of Anthony's younger sister. Anyway, right now, he can really need a friend to talk to. So, he just nods and starts walking to her room. He opens the door and plops down in front of her bed, leaning against the frame, and waits for her to come back.

While he is sitting there by himself his mind drifts off to that kiss Anthony gave him in the pool. It was quick, and wet, for obvious reasons, and it almost felt like they did it every day. It felt familiar, and good. Something, Ian has always wanted. But now, that it is finally happening, now that Anthony apparently is slowly beginning to show his true feelings for him, Ian is doubting everything.

A few more minutes pass before the door finally opens and Jo appears.

"How's Shayne's shoulder?", Ian asks at once, concerned.

She plops down next to him.

"He's gonna be fine. He just strained it too much."

"That's a relief."

Jo nudges his shoulder.

"So, spill! What's up?"

Ian sighs, not knowing where to begin.

"You like Anthony, right?", she asks when Ian doesn't say anything.

Nodding.

"Did something happen? Did you have a fight?"

Shaking his head.

"Did he say something to offend you?"

Shaking his head.

"IAN!"

Ian jumps.

"I'm not sure what it is. Shayne is a really nice guy. And he is friendly to me. And you can see that he and Anthony are really close friends."

"Got it. So, that's what bothers you."

Looking confused at Jo.

"Dude, you are jealous."

"That can't be it. Anthony is not interested in Shayne. And Shayne isn't even gay!"

Jo chuckles.

"No, that's not the point. You're jealous because Anthony has been spending all day long with Shayne and not with you. Isn't that so? Isn't that what happened today? I know my brother. When Shayne's involved, nothing else seems to count. Shayne is Anthony's top priority."

"Yes, maybe. Could be. I mean... they were playing Mario Kart and Smashing Brothers-"

"Super Smash Bros."

"Whatever. I didn't want to spoil their fun, so I just watched them having fun on their own. I didn't want to ruin Anthony's day with his best friend."

"And that's why you didn't say anything?"

"Yes."

"And didn't play with them in the pool?"

"How do you know?"

"You are not wet at all."

"Oh."

"Ian, I'm not sure that's what Anthony wants."

What Anthony wants. Did he read the signs wrong? What does Anthony want? Did he let him down? What was he supposed to do? He saw two friends, reunited, fooling around, having insider jokes Ian couldn't understand, playing games Ian couldn't participate in, swimming in the pool...

"Seems like I'm doing everything wrong since I've arrived.", he mentions, staring at the ground.

"Mom and Dad told me that you're living here now. In the guest room?"

"No, actually, I sleep in Anthony's room. I don't have a lot of stuff. It's all in my backpack."

"You don't have more stuff?"

"No. I didn't need that much, you know, traveling around the country, you don't need-" Ian bites his tongue. Fuck. "I mean... I didn't need that much when I came here... I left my things at my uncle's...I was gonna sleep at my Mom's... but..."

"Ian. Stop.", Jo interrupts him.

Ian wants to break out into tears when he sees Jo's knowing look. He already can feel a strange shivery feeling running up and down his spine. Hot and cold. His stomach churns. Tears start to form, blurry vision. She knows. He doesn't know how, goddammit, his big mouth. Maybe she has figured it out just now. He buries his face in the space between his knees and chest, sobbing now.

"It's okay.", he hears Jo say and feels her hand on his back, rubbing it gently. "We all know. We won't tell. Promise."

She takes him into a hug, and he falls against her shoulder. They stay like this for a while, and since Ian doesn't seem to calm down any time soon, Jo switches on the TV to distract him. There's a THE OC marathon on one of the channels, so they sit, cuddled up against each other, a light blanket around them, and watch in silence, some giggles tearing through the depressed atmosphere from time to time. Nothing is said for the next hours.

It's close to midnight when suddenly the door creaks open and Anthony's head pops inside.

"Hey.", he greets them quietly. "Have you seen-" He stops mid-sentence when he notices Ian.

"Hey.", Jo and Ian reply almost simultaneously.

"Uhm... I'm going to bed. Are you coming?", apparently directing his question at his friend.

Ian nods slowly, frees himself from Jo's embrace, bids her goodnight, and leaves the room to follow Anthony into his.

"I need to take a shower to wash off the chlorine.", Anthony says, picks up some clothes and opens the door to his bathroom. "Don't leave. Wait here, okay?"

"Okay."

While Ian can hear the shower running, he strolls around Anthony's room, taking a closer look at certain things he hasn't noticed yet. Anthony has a picture wall. There are mainly pictures of him alone, and it seems like he has taken the pictures himself. Alone in front of his school. Alone in his dorm room. Alone at an indoor swimming pool. Alone in a forest. Alone in a city. There is a picture here and there of Anthony with his family on Christmas, but these seem to be older ones. Anthony is way younger in those pictures. Every other picture is just Anthony and some random background. He must have really been alone. Ian is about to walk on when something catches his eye. There is a picture he hasn't seen before, since it's hiding under another one. He grabs the corner and pulls.

He smiles sadly and turns the picture around to check if Anthony has written something on the back.

 _Ian and I. Last summer together. August 2001. :(_

It was indeed an amazing summer. They tried to pack everything they wanted to do in that one month. They went hiking, spent a lot of time at the beach, even went to Disneyland for a day, had even more sleepovers, went camping. Ian still loves thinking about that summer.

"What are you doing?"

Ian whirls around, the picture still in his hand.

"I was just... looking at some pictures."

Anthony's wet bangs cover half of his face. He's dressed in a black shirt and some black Calvin Klein briefs. Ian has difficulty forming his next words.

"I... you... nice pictures."

"They're shit.", Anthony scoffs and walks over to Ian, taking him in a hug. "So often I just wanted to tear this picture wall down. It reminds me of the bad stuff. But I never seem to find the time to do it."

He releases Ian from the embrace, takes him by the hand and leads him to the bed.

"Which picture were you looking at?", Anthony asks, sitting down and taking the little piece of paper out of Ian's hand. He takes a quick look at it and puts it away. No comment? No reaction?

"Is Shayne gone?" It has been bothering Ian all the time. He needs to know if they are alone again.

"No, he's sleeping in the guestroom. He's too tired to drive and also he had two beers."

"Oh, okay."

"Ian, is everything alright? You are acting really strange today."

Ian goes around the bed and slumps down on it, putting some distance between him and Anthony.

"The last few days have been really nice.", he begins, looking down, his back to the other boy. "It's been nice, spending all that time with you. It was like we were back in junior high. I don't think that I've laughed so much in the last three years than I have in the last two days."

"Ian..."

"I want to thank you for that." Ian halts and risks a quick glance in Anthony's direction. He is being watched closely. "But I don't think I can live here with you."

"Why not?"

This is not going to be easy. Ian knows how badly Anthony wants to help him, that he has talked to his parents so he could stay until Anthony leaves for Florida again.

"I don't think...I'm not sure if we..."

It's difficult to say these words out loud. It makes the whole twinkly and peaceful illusion of his reality vanish in the blink of an eye.

"I was watching you today. How you treated Shayne and vice versa. You have changed, Anthony. A lot. Not in a bad way!", Ian adds quickly, guessing that his words might have hurt Anthony just now. "You are more confident, you know what you want. You are not scared to state your opinion. You can be serious but you can also have fun and laugh. You live a brand new life in a different, shiny and bright world. You can be whoever you want to be. In this world you are accepted and you have friends like Shayne who support you no matter what. There is simply no room for me." He pauses and swallows the lump in his throat. "You deserve better. You should make up with your boyfriend, and forget me. Who would want to play with a broken toy, anyway."

The mattress under him is suddenly moving, signalizing that Anthony is coming closer. He is ready to dodge Anthony's touch, but something inside him wants to feel his arms around his body one more time. He wants to feel him entirely, wants to stroke his hair, brush his head against Anthony's, feel the weight of the other boy's body against his own. He wants to kiss him one last time.

"Ian."

Anthony's voice is right behind him, and then he feels his hand on his shoulders, rubbing him, massaging him through the thin fabric of his shirt. He pulls him closer, muscular arms slinging around his chest, holding him. Not letting go.

"What?"

"Can you please stop talking such bullshit?"

Ian frowns at that comment. Obviously, he is not being taken seriously.

"Anthony, I mean it! You don't know half of what I've been through."

"Then enlighten me. Tell me."

"You don't wanna know, believe me."

Anthony lets go of him only to whirl him around, so that they look at each other now.

"I want to know.", he says seriously.

Ian scoffs. Actually, why not. Maybe then Anthony will understand that they simply don't belong together. He scoots a bit away from Anthony and then takes off his shirt.

There is a longer pause where neither one of them speaks. Anthony stares, lips slightly parted, brows furrowed, at Ian's chest and stomach. Then Ian turns around to show the rest of his scars, bruises and wounds.

"I got some on my back, too."

No comment. No reaction. Anthony stays silent. Ian knew it all along. With a body like this, it wasn't easy to lure in customers. Thankfully, Josh has never cared about that fact. He was just different from everyone else.

"This one-" Ian points to a scar on his shoulder blade. "-I got from a fight with an older man. He didn't want to pay me after I blew him and so he rammed a knife in there. And that one-" He turns around again and runs a finger over a longer scar on his chest. "-was from a mugging a year ago. They stole all the money I got from Josh two days earlier. I told him that the next time we met and he scolded me for not calling him. He made me stay for one week and paid double."

Still no comment. No reaction.

"The small wounds are cigarette burns. Those happened in the beginning, before I met Josh. I met that guy with a weird kink. He said he'd pay me more than usual if I let him inflict some pain on me. I told him to only do that on my chest, so I could hide my scars."

Another round of Anthony not saying anything.

"I can go on and on. I have a story for every scar and bruise, also the ones that have already healed and are not visible anymore. Look at my body, Anthony, and then take a look at yours. We are not the same. I've seen it today, and hopefully, you see it now, too."

Silence.

"Yeah. I thought so." Ian puts his shirt back on, avoiding Anthony's eyes. "I really thought we had a chance, I would have loved that. But I am too broken and fucked up for you, Anthony. I am a prisoner in my own body. I will never be really free from all the bad memories, they will always haunt me. And I don't want them to haunt you, too. I want you to stay free from all of that."

Ian meets Anthony's eyes. One more time. One more look into those dark brown sparkling eyes.

"I just want you to know that I love you, Anthony. I honestly do, with all my heart. I always have. I want you to be happy, and if that means that I need to leave you, then I wi-"

Anthony's lips are warm, and soft, and slightly trembling, as they press against Ian's. He invades Ian's mouth, devouring him, caressing his tongue, together dancing a passionate dance. Ian leans into the kiss. This is what he wanted. One last kiss.

They break the kiss a few seconds later, both panting, both in need of air. Their foreheads rest against each other, Anthony's hands cupping Ian's face.

"Didn't you hear me the first time?", Anthony breathes out. "I said, stop talking such bullshit."

He pulls Ian into a tight and loving embrace, digging his fingers into his shirt.

"I am not letting you go. No more bad memories, you hear me? No more scars. No more bruises. You have me now. I won't let anyone touch you. Ian? You hear me?", Anthony exclaims, sounding frustrated and angry.

"You still want me?", Ian asks in pure disbelief, tears running down his face. "But... I'm broken... A broken boy... Nobody would want a broken toy..."

" _ **I**_ want you, Ian.", Anthony interrupts Ian's whimpered and sad words. "And I'm gonna fix you."


	12. Chapter 11 - Don't Forget Me

**Title: Chapter 11 - Don't Forget Me**

 **A/N: A rough day for Ian. Anthony's POV.**

Ian has been quiet all morning. Anthony is sure that something is bothering him but he is too afraid to ask. He doesn't want to annoy Ian with his pestering. Maybe Ian just needs some time for himself. After all, a lot has happened in the last two weeks. They have basically become a couple now. Boyfriends. Anthony has enjoyed every single second of being together and spending time with Ian.

They have met up with Matt and Laser a couple of times. They would come by the house, talk, play games – games that also Ian could play – and just have fun. Anthony also would teach Ian how to cook some of his favorite vegan meals. Ian turned out to be not such a great fan of vegan food, so Anthony had to come up with something different. In the end, they ordered pizza (one normal one, and one vegan one) and ate ice cream (again, and one normal vanilla flavored ice cream and one vegan chocolate flavored ice cream).

There were no tears, just a lot of laughter, a lot of talking until sunrise, and also a lot of kissing and making out. Anthony wanted to take it slow after their first sexual encounter and decided to not pressure Ian into anything. He wanted to gain Ian's trust first before initiating another intimate moment. He was happy when Ian was around him, smiling and being happy. This was the most important thing in the world: To make Ian forget his bad and lonely times.

But today, the mood suddenly has changed. Ian seems pensive, his mind occupied with certain things he won't tell Anthony. Not yet, that is. They are in the kitchen, Anthony cleaning up after their breakfast. His parents are at work, so he sees no need to turn on the dishwasher. He's standing at the sink, cleaning some plates while Ian is leaning against the kitchen counter right next to him.

"What do you want to do today?", Anthony asks to break the uncomfortable silence. This is driving him nuts.

"Why? Have you planned something?", Ian asks back, looking at him quizzically.

"No, just curious."

 _And we're back again with the silence._

Five more minutes pass.

"Anthony? Can I ask you a favor?"

Anthony dries his hands with a dishtowel and glances at him.

"Of course. Shoot."

"I would like you to drive me somewhere. If that's possible…"

"Yes, sure. Where do you wanna go?"

"My house. I wanna talk to my Mom."

* * *

They've been sitting in the car for about 15 minutes now. Anthony is grabbing the steering wheel tightly, staring at some imaginary spot in front of him. He doesn't dare to move, he doesn't want to disturb Ian's trance-like state. It's been completely quiet. Since Anthony has parked in front of Mrs. Hecox's house, Ian hasn't moved an inch, hasn't spoken a word. Anthony wonders if he should say something, to encourage Ian to go inside and see his mother. Give her a hug. Tell her that her son is alive and well.

"Anthony?"

He jumps hard at Ian's words, not having expected something to be said at all.

"Yes?", he answers, quite shaken up.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.", Ian says, looking at Anthony with guilty eyes.

"It's okay.", Anthony answers, smiles and reaches out for Ian's hand, but the other boy pulls back.

"I'm going inside.", he mutters and opens the car door, getting out.

Anthony does the same, locks the car and walks around it to join Ian. He tries again to take Ian's hand into his but the boy has already started moving toward the house. Anthony follows him, putting his hands into the pockets of his jeans. They stop in front of the door. Ian hovers his finger over the bell for a while before finally pressing it. Movement can be heard from inside the house, then someone's light steps, someone approaching the door. It opens a bit and Mrs. Hecox appears.

"Yes?", she asks, looking a bit terrified.

"Mom? It's me.", Ian begins, smiling slightly.

Ian's mother looks him up and down, her scared expression not changing.

"Ian. It's Ian.", Anthony can hear his friend say, a little desperation now audible in his voice.

"Ian…", she repeats monotonously. "Ian…"

"Yes, it's me, Mom. I'm back.", Ian explains and takes a step forward. His mother immediately backs away and is about to shut the door again. Ian slams his hands against it, pushing it open forcefully. His mother screams in fear and tumbles backwards.

"Don't come in!", she shrieks. "I don't know who you are!"

Ian's face falls at that statement while Anthony's eyes widen in shock. What did she just say?

"Go! Now! Or I'll call the police!"

"Mom…", he begins but is being interrupted by his mother's sobbing.

"No… please…leave!"

Anthony watches this horrific and terrifying scene play out in front of him and doesn't know how to react. Is he supposed to do something? Can he do something? And if yes, what? Ian's body seems to have turned into stone, as if he's rooted to the ground. He is not moving, not even the slightest bit. Should he approach him and hug him? Comfort him? But how do you comfort someone who has just lost his mother?

"Anthony.", Ian suddenly says, not turning to look at him. His eyes seem to be fixed on his mother who is crouching now on the floor, still crying her eyes out. "Call an ambulance."

* * *

"Nervous breakdown?", Anthony repeats Ian's words.

They are standing in the small waiting room area of the local hospital. Ian has just finished talking to one of the doctors and has returned to inform Anthony about his mother's condition.

"Yes. They say the stress, and her depression… all of that…have led to a complete nervous breakdown. She suffers from some sort of amnesia, where the brain tries to protect itself from bad memories… or events… or something like that. I didn't really understand it. They say her memory could come back at some point, but they don't know when that will be."

"Oh my God, Ian… I'm so sorry."

Anthony opens his arms and wants to take Ian into a hug but Ian turns around at that very moment, rummaging for his phone.

"I… I need to make a call.", he stutters.

"Who are you calling?"

"My step-dad."

Anthony decides to give his friend some space and sits down a few steps away from Ian in one of the empty seats. He watches him type in a number and press the phone against his ear. He's chewing on his lower lip, then bringing his free hand up to his mouth and starting to bite his nails.

You don't have to be a psychologist to see that Ian is extremely nervous right now. Anthony can only guess how long he and his step-father haven't talked to each other. The other thing he is curious about is the fact that Ian knows about his father being his step-father. He wonders since when Ian has known that. They have never had the best relationship. When they were little, Anthony would tell Ian about the activities he had done with his Dad, like camping or going to the zoo. One time his father had brought him to the company, showing him around. Anthony remembers that Ian just smiled and nodded, and when Anthony asked him what kind of stuff he would do with his father, Ian changed the subject immediately. And he never mentioned his father again.

Anthony's leg is nervously twitching up and down as he watches Ian talking to his father on the phone. He manages to overhear some snippets from their talk.

"…Sacramento…two weeks ago… None of our business!" Then there's a lot of incoherent whisper-shouting, which Anthony can't understand. A few sentences later Ian has seemed to calm down again. "… I don't know… mental institution maybe… Will you fly down here? … Fine."

Ian seems to have ended the conversation. He locks his phone and lets out a deep and frustrated breath, groaning annoyed. Anthony gets up and joins him again.

"Didn't go so well, I guess?"

"No. He won't come to Sacramento. Said she was my problem now.", Ian tells him and curses under his breath.

"What happens now?"

"My mother will be transferred to the psych ward for now. They doctors are hoping that she will regain her memory. If this doesn't happen within the next month she will be moved to a mental institution."

Again, Anthony doesn't know what to do. He wants to hug Ian, and tell him that everything's gonna be just fine. Yet he senses that Ian needs space right now. He has been avoiding Anthony's touches all day long. He tries not to take it seriously, since it's been a hell of a day for Ian, still… It makes him sad to know that he cannot really help Ian. That he can't show him that he's there for him, no matter what.

"I wanna go home.", Ian mutters, voice low. He sounds worn down, and defeated.

"Okay."

They walk side by side to the elevators and take the first one down to the underground garage. They search for Anthony's car and get inside. Anthony drives while Ian is staring out the window, seemingly lost in thought. They don't speak during the entire drive, and when they finally arrive at home, Ian excuses himself at once to Anthony's room.

It's the first time since Ian has moved into Anthony's room that they eat dinner without him. Jo has come back for the weekend again, joining them. They talk about Ian's current situation, about his mother and his step-father, and about what Ian will be doing next.

"Well, you can forget child services. Ian's 18. Technically, he doesn't need a legal guardian anymore.", Anthony's father mentions, shoving his empty plate away from him a bit.

"But what is he about to do then? He has no degree, he has no job. They can't just not take care of him!", his mother exclaims angrily. "You tell Ian that he will always has a home here. You're off to college in two days, he can have your room then. Do not let him leave, you hear me!"

"Yes, of course, Mom.", Anthony answers, relieved about his mother's words.

"We have to come up with something, though. He needs to get back on his feet. We need to cheer him up and show him that he has our support!", Jo suggests, holding out her plate to her brother. "Refill please."

Anthony puts another big spoon of tuna casserole on her plate.

"What do you suggest then?", he asks, glaring at her for making him her food servant. She grins back.

"Well, he could go back to high school, if he wants to do that. Graduate. Go to college maybe. You know him better than anyone else here, Anthony. What does he want to do? What does he like?"

Anthony's cheeks turn red at that question. He is embarrassed to admit that they have never really talked about stuff like that. Yet suddenly, he remembers an almost forgotten conversation.

" _What about you? Any plans for the future?"_

" _Well, let's see… I'm not sure. Maybe something with drawing. Maybe college, too. I don't know. My grades kinda suck, and I don't think my parents can afford paying for some high-class fancy arts college. Let alone let me apply to one."_

"Drawing. He likes drawing. But I'm not sure if he is still interested in that."

"Then, Anthony, you gotta talk to him about that. Find out what he wants to do with his life. Until then, he can most certainly live here."

Anthony thinks about what his mother has just said for a moment. Is Ian ready to make such important decisions? He basically lost his whole family in one single day, and now he supposed to decide what he is going to do next?

"I'm not sure if Ian already knows."

However, his words are not really heard anymore, since the topic has slightly changed to Jo's school life. Anthony cleans up the table, puts the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and says his parents and Jo good night. When he enters his room a couple of minutes later, he finds Ian lying on his bed, on his stomach, head resting on his arms, eyes closed. A lovely view actually. He looks quite peaceful.

"Hey.", Anthony greets him quietly, sitting down next to him on the bed.

"Hey." Ian tilts his head to look at Anthony.

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Well, if you get hungry, there is a lot of tuna casserole left. And some of my vegan stuff, but I know you don't like that."

Ian chuckles which makes Anthony smile in relief.

"Anthony?"

"Yes?"

"Can you… lie down… next to me?"

Ian has mumbled the question but Anthony has heard every single word, loud and clear. He immediately obeys, scooting really close to his friend, putting an arm around the slender man's waist, pulling him closer. He places a kiss on Ian's forehead and nuzzles his face lovingly.

"I'm sorry… for being all weird today." Ian's cheeks suddenly feel wet. Anthony kisses his tears away.

"Ian, don't apologize. I understand. This must have been one hell of a day for you. I am so sorry about all the things that have happened.", he assures Ian, kissing him gently on the lips. "I am here for you. As are my parents and Jo. They said you can live here, in my room, while I'm away in Florida. You can stay as long as you want."

"Anthony… I can't accept that…"

"You can and you will. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you while I'm gone. You stay here. End of discussion. And tomorrow, we're gonna go to the mall in Sacramento and get you some more clothes."

Anthony has actually meant to say _new_ clothes. He hates the clothes Ian's wearing. They have been a gift from Josh. Anthony despises Josh with all of his heart. He wants to get rid of Josh. Josh will no longer exist in their lives. Tomorrow will be the end of Josh. Forever.

"And I will also show you how my computer works. I'll tell you my password and make sure my webcam is working properly. If not, then we'll have time to buy a new one tomorrow. I'll make sure everything works just fine, so when I'm away we can skype if you feel lonely or of you need me. You'll be able to see me acting all goofy and I'll be able to see you smile and laugh."

This is going to be tough. Anthony will be gone for a long time. He won't come back to Sacramento until summer break. Damn. He has to find a way to visit Ian at least once, at least for one stupid weekend. He is going to miss him a lot. His blue eyes. His messy morning-hair. His slim and fragile figure, hugging him. His small arms around Anthony's neck. His lips against Anthony's. This is going to be tough as fuck.

"And on my last day here, on Saturday, we'll do nothing big. I just wanna be with you one last time before our big break. I want to spend time with you. We can… I don't know… We can watch TV all day for all I care, if that means you lying next to me, or on me. Whatever you wanna do is fine. I wanna make you happy, Ian. I wanna see you smile. I want to cherish your smile until our next meeting. Which I promise you will come sooner than you think."

Ian's cheeks are covered by even more tears now. They seem to be endlessly streaming down his face while small sobs and whimpers escape his mouth. He buries his face into Anthony's chest, groping his shirt tightly. Anthony takes him completely into his arms now, whispering soothing words, rubbing Ian's back and combing through his hair from time to time.

"Thank you, Anthony…" A whisper, almost inaudible, loving, tender. "Thank you."

"I'm here, Ian.", Anthony whispers back. "I won't forget you. I won't abandon you. I am here. Promise."


	13. Chapter 12 - Miss You

**Title: Chapter 12 - Miss You**

 **A/N: Their last two days together. A filler chapter? Oh well, why not. Fluff only. No smut, I'm sorry. However, there will be more smut at some point. THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY BTW! MUCH MORE TO COME! Enjoy. :) Ian's POV.**

"Anthony? Have you seen my blue shirt?"

Ian is sure he has put it in his backpack. He has emptied the entire content of it onto the floor, but the shirt is nowhere to be seen.

"Uhm… No."

That doesn't sound very convincing. Ian's kneeling on the ground, throwing clothes everywhere. Hold on…

"And my gray hoodie is missing!"

Anthony emerges from the bathroom, just wearing some black briefs, his body glistening from being still a little bit wet after his morning shower. Ian's jaw drops down at that sight.

"Ian?"

"Huh?"

"You're staring."

Ian blinks several times and closes his mouth quickly.

"Sorry."

"So, what is missing?", Anthony asks, walking over to his closet and taking out a pair of jeans and a shirt.

"My hoodie." Ian is aware that he sounds a bit whiny, but it's his favorite hoodie. He has had it for almost two years now. "Josh has bought that one for me."

"I'll buy you a new one today."

Anthony appears suddenly behind him and kisses him on the cheek.

"Okay.", Ian answers, defeated.

"Why do you even need it? It's like 85F out there!"

Ian nods slowly in agreement, picks up a black tee and stands up, looking around the room, feeling a bit lost.

"What is it?", Anthony approaches him again after having gotten dressed.

"You don't have to do this, Anthony. I don't need that many clothes and stuff."

 _I'd be fine wearing your shirts from time to time._

"What are you talking about? Of course, you need your own stuff! And I don't wanna hear another word about that, got it?"

He's standing in front of Ian now, kissing him tenderly on the lips. Ian hides his flushed face behind his long bangs.

"And you might wanna consider getting haircut.", Anthony adds, taking his hand and dragging him out of his room.

"A haircut? What is wrong with my hair?"

"Nothing… I like it. But I can't see your beautiful eyes, your bangs are always in the way."

Anthony and his compliments. Ian will never get used to that. He always blushes and mumbles a quiet "Thank you." whenever Anthony is being friendly and praising Ian for something.

"Okay. I'll think about it.", he finally answers when they are sitting in Anthony's car.

Anthony turns on the radio, plugging in his phone and putting on some music. He is singing all the way through the drive until they reach the Sacramento Arden Fair. Ian can't help but laugh out loud, seeing his friend acting all goofy and funny. He has a feeling that he is not hitting the right notes on purpose.

After having arrived at the huge mall, Anthony leads the way, entering every clothing store and picking up different clothes for Ian. He gets new jeans, new trousers, new sweatpants, new shirts, new sweaters and a brand new gray hoodie. He also promises Ian that he will get him a hoodie with the emblem of his university.

Two and a half hours later they are sitting on a bench, eating some ice cream, while being surrounded by bags full of clothes.

"Thank you.", Ian says in between licks. He has picked two scoops of peanut butter flavored ice cream and is almost finished.

"You are very much welcome.", Anthony answers and throws his empty cup away into the nearest trash bin. "Do you need anything else? Like tooth brush, your own towels?"

"No, I like your towels, if you don't mind, I would like to continue using them." _They smell like you._

"I hope I can visit you really soon. If only for the weekend."

"Isn't this too much trouble for you?", Ian asks worriedly.

"No, not at all. Well, I hope so."

Anthony smiles at him, leaning back, his arm on the back rest of the bench. Ian scoots a bit closer while finishing the last of his ice cream cup. They watch people walk by, some in a hurry, some just strolling slowly from shop to shop.

"I can't wait until it's summer.", Anthony mentions, daydreaming. "I would like to take you to the beach. We could go swimming in the ocean, lying at the beach, chilling, spending some time together."

"I would like that.", Ian replies, but doesn't really mean it. Going to the beach would mean he has to take his shirt off. And he really wants to avoid that.

"Hey, how about we go for a swim tomorrow? Weather seems fine enough to me."

"In the ocean?" Ian panics slightly.

"No, in the pool.", Anthony replies and gets up. "Come, we gotta buy you one more thing."

Ian watches him curiously but also gets to his feet. They take their bags and head for the sports store.

"What do we want here?", Ian asks, stopping in front of the entrance.

"Buy you a pair of jammers.", Anthony answers and doesn't wait for Ian's reply. He takes his hand and drags him inside the shop. He aims for the swimming department and starts looking through different swimwear. After a few minutes he orders Ian to try on a few. The changing room is big enough for them both, so that Ian doesn't have to step out. Ian has to try on six pairs of jammers until he finally finds a pair that fit perfectly. Anthony nods, satisfied.

"You look really good in those.", he remarks and swallows visibly which makes Ian smile shyly.

What is that boy doing to him? Normally, he isn't that shy. Not at all. He is the one approaching cars and talking to strangers. Anthony is no stranger, and yet Ian behaves totally different around his friend. He scolds himself for being so shy and self-conscious and promises himself to change his attitude. So, he quickly drops the shy face, and instead, he slings his arms around Anthony's waist, pulling him closer. He rises up on his tiptoes to reach Anthony's lips and kisses him not shyly and gently but passionately and wildly. Anthony's hands are immediately on his back, shoulders, around his neck, in his hair.

"You cannot do this to me.", Anthony whispers, out of breath.

"You can't tell me what I can or can't do.", Ian says back and smirks confidently. One hand slides down Anthony's body and cups him through his pants. The taller boy inhales sharply at that touch and takes a step back.

"Ian, not here!", he whisper-shouts.

Ian approaches him again, not breaking eye contact, and kisses him once again.

"Then let's go. Let's leave right now."

* * *

"Wake up, sleepy head."

Ian snickers when he feels Anthony's lips on his nose tip and then on his cheek. He peeks through his eyes and glances at the clock. 9:34 am. Saturday. It's the last day he will spend with Anthony since he has to leave early in the morning tomorrow. His smile fades.

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

Ian shakes his head slightly and sits up. Anthony kneels in front of him, hair a bit messy but still perfect, eyes friendly and a gentle smile on his face.

"Do you wanna go somewhere?", Anthony asks, still watching Ian closely.

"No, I would like to stay here.", Ian answers and adds in a much more quietly, "And be with you."

"Good." Anthony gets off the bed and heads for the door. "Wake up, take a shower, and then join me for breakfast."

Ian nods, smiling, and Anthony leaves the room. It's suddenly very empty and he shivers slightly. Is the window open? It can't be that cold, it's California for crying out loud. Maybe he just needs a hot shower, that should do the trick.

It's twenty minutes later, after the hot shower, and Ian still is freezing. He goes over to the closet, a huge towel wrapped around his slim and trembling body and rummages through his clothes. Anthony took out all of his clothes yesterday to make room for Ian's new ones. Ian wasn't able to stop him from doing that so he just let it happen.

He decides on a new shirt (with a huge Legend of Zelda motif on the front), black sweatpants and his new hoodie. He's at the door when he turns around one last time and lets his eyes roam the room.

Empty. Cold. Lonely.

Ian insists on having pancakes for breakfast, so Anthony decides to show him how they are done – non-vegan version with eggs and milk. This special cooking lesson turns out to be one of the funniest events that has happened in the past two weeks. After about an hour of stirring, mixing, breaking a dozen of eggs and almost burning down the kitchen, Ian is covered in yolk and flour. By now Anthony is laughing so hard that they have to take a break so that he can calm down. In the end, there are no pancakes, but black round hard things and also very soft, still kind of liquid heart-shaped things that cannot be defined as pancakes anymore. Anthony, however, takes a small bite of each, ignoring his vegan side for once, chews and swallows. He smiles and gives Ian a thumbs up, grinning from ear to ear, yet still earning a soft punch in the arm by Ian.

"How about we break in your new jammers?", Anthony suggests while cleaning up the mess they have created. Ian nods in agreement, wiping away some yolk from the floor.

Luckily they are alone today since Anthony's parents are busy at their company and Jo – well, she didn't really want to say where she was going, which was kind of odd, but she also left the house quite early. Ian is thankful for their alone-time and so far he has enjoyed every second of it. Also, he doesn't need to worry about the rest of Anthony's family seeing his fucked up body when they go for a swim.

An hour later they are at the pool, both in their jammers.

"Can you time me?", Anthony asks and hands him his phone. "I have a special app for my times."

Ian takes it and Anthony explains the basics to him.

"Do you have to exercise often?", Ian wants to know while Anthony takes his position at the edge of the pool.

"At home? Not really, but I want to. I have to keep in shape, we got a big competition coming up. And I kinda promised JD."

"JD?"

"He's the captain of my swimming team."

More people Ian doesn't know. People who have become a part of Anthony's life.

Anthony bends down and waits for Ian's signal. He dives into the water at a perfect angle when he hears Ian yell "GO!" and takes off. Ian has difficulty concentrating on stopping the time, he is too fascinated by Anthony's smooth movements and swimming technique. His muscles flexing, his speed, the way he dives into the water and comes up again, it's almost like a dance. He is parting the waves, forcing his way through the them. He looks so magical. Ian's fingers are itching. He needs to capture this moment.

He lays down Anthony's phone and runs back into the house to get a pencil and the first best sketchbook he can find in Anthony's room. When he comes back the taller boy is about to leave the pool to check his time.

"Where did you-", Anthony begins but Ian interrupts him.

"Can you do that again? But a bit slower?"

"What exactly?", Anthony asks, perplexed.

"Just… swim… back and forth. Please?"

Anthony looks at him quizzically, but then he smiles and does as he is told. He starts swimming again, slower this time, still in freestyle. Ian sits down at the edge of the pool, his legs in the water, and starts sketching the other boy's outlines. Thin, light lines first, then stronger, thicker ones, a while into the drawing he is going into detail. His hand moves fast, then slow again, he changes the angle of pencil, fine lines, more lines, less lines, shadows, light, he focuses on Anthony's back, arms, face, and his eyes. Drawing the water that is splashing around him is the difficult part, but Ian manages somehow.

"How much more time do you need?", Anthony asks at one point, taking a brief pause.

"Oh, sorry, you don't need to swim anymore. It's finished."

Anthony swims over to him, pushes himself out of the water and plops down next to him.

"Show me."

Ian hesitates. He has never shown his drawings to anybody yet. Not even Josh. His drawings are for him only, so he can look at them when he's sad and wants to remember the positive things that he has experienced. The good memories. Or fantasies.

"Come on, I bet it's awesome!", Anthony encourages him, reaching over and taking the sketchbook away from the red-cheeked boy. He stares at the drawing for a while, not saying anything for a while, but then Ian can hear him sigh out deeply. "Ian… This is amazing!"

"No, not really. I messed up the water parts."

"Dude, stop dragging yourself down! This is really good!" Anthony cannot seem to take his eyes away from the drawing. "Can I keep this?"

Ian looks at him, surprised.

"Yes, sure. It's yours."

"Thanks. I'm gonna take this with me to Florida and hang it on my wall."

Ian doesn't want to talk about Florida right now. Instead, he takes off his shirt and slides into the pool. The water is freezing cold at first but his body adjusts itself to the cool temperature and after a few breast strokes he can enjoy the coolness. He stays close to Anthony though, who is still sitting on the edge of the pool.

"Ian?", Anthony says a bit louder for Ian to hear. "Are you okay?"

Oh, what the hell. He promised himself to be more confident again. This shy boy with the blushed cheeks and embarrassed looks – that's not him. He can speak out what is bothering him. Well, it doesn't really bother him, but rather makes him sad.

"No, actually.", Ian says, kicking his legs underwater so he stays in one spot, opposite of Anthony. "I know you have to leave for Florida tomorrow, and I am happy that you have this whole other life, and that you are happy and not alone – but I'm gonna miss you."

Anthony's eyes widen but he stays silent.

"The last two weeks… I had the best time of my life. I would have never imagined that we would bond so fast again. But when I saw you at that parking lot… Everything was forgotten. The harsh words, the fight, my grudge against you. It all suddenly seemed so pointless and senseless. I was just so glad to see you."

"Me, too.", Anthony answers, and joins Ian in the pool. "I had went through hell the day before our meeting. I didn't want to believe that you were dead. I wanted to find you. I knew you were out there somewhere."

"Anthony..."

"And then I saw you at that parking lot, I couldn't believe my eyes. I thank God that you are well and alive, and that you are here now. That we are here together. And don't worry about me being gone. We'll stay in contact, we'll skype, we'll text. This long distance relationship thing has to work. And it's going to, I promise. I am not letting you slip away again, okay?"

Ian is completely rendered speechless, simply too touched by his friend's words. Anthony is swimming toward him, coming to a halt right in front of him. Why does he have to look so incredibly gorgeous? Sun-kissed smooth skin, athletic body, mesmerizing brown eyes. And that soft smile on his lips.

"But in the end, I guess we have found each other. You were looking for me, and I was looking for you. That's what I call fate, huh?" Anthony pauses and kisses Ian tenderly on the lips. "I'm gonna miss you, too."

Ian relaxes when he feels Anthony's arms around his waist. He lets out a deep breath, some tears running down his face. Goddammit, he is a mess once again. Gone is his self-confidence, his morals, his cockiness. Anthony is doing things to him he cannot quite grasp. He is changing him, inside and outside.

The two boys spend the rest of the day by the pool. Afraid of trying to cook lunch or dinner, they wait until the afternoon to order pizza. In the evening they relax in Anthony's room, playing Pokemon, and later watching an action movie. Ian doesn't make it through the whole movie. They are sitting on Anthony's bed when Ian's eyes shut close and he falls asleep next to Anthony, his head resting against the taller boy's shoulder. He doesn't notice when Anthony covers him with a blanket, slides down on the pillow, wraps his arms around Ian and cuddles up next to him.

When they say goodbye the next morning, Ian tries to stay strong. He doesn't want to seem too attached and also doesn't look like a weak little pussy, all crying and tear-stricken. However, when Anthony pulls him into a hug for the last time at the airport, and kisses him one last time, Ian cannot hold in his sadness any longer.

"Don't cry, we'll see each other sooner than you think, okay?", Anthony murmurs into his ear, kissing his cheek and neck.

"Okay.", is the only thing Ian can say through the big lump building up on his throat. "Call me when you land. And when you're in your dorm room."

"But you'll be sleeping already-"

"Don't care! Call me!", Ian exclaims, still not letting go of his friend. "I'll be up, waiting."

Anthony squeezes Ian a bit tighter before finally letting go. He ruffles through the smaller boy's hair, hugs his parents and Jo one last time and walks away.

"Don't worry, Ian. You'll see him soon enough. May, to be more specific.", Jo tries to comfort him as they are all walking back to the car.

"May? What's in May?", Ian gives her a surprised look, a soft smile appearing on his face.

"Anthony's swimming competition. We are all going. And you are, too!"

Jo hugs him form the side and Ian chuckles.

May. That's not that long, actually. They will survive one and a half months without each other. This is going to work. He needs to mark the day in his calendar, so he reaches for his phone but notices at once that it's missing. He must have left it at home. Home. Anthony's home which also has become his home. He is surrounded by friends. He is not alone this time. He doesn't have to run away this time. Why would he?

* * *

Somewhere in Anthony's room Ian's phone vibrates two times.

 **J: hope u r well. miss u.**


	14. Chapter 13 - Rumor Has It

**Title: Chapter 13 - Rumor Has It**

 **A/N: Anthony's back in Florida. Ian's new life in California. Split-screen POV. A small time jump of two weeks.**

"Oh no...", Anthony mumbles and immediately hides behind Shayne.

"What is it?"

"Simon."

Shayne looks across the huge dining hall and sees Anthony's ex at the far end, sitting with some other boys and girls at a table.

"Dude... He's like 10 miles away. You're fine.", he says and sits down at an empty table. "Sit. Eat."

Anthony obeys, taking a seat opposite of his friend, yet still tries to hide his face by letting his hair fall into his eyes. He doesn't have to hide long, though, since both of them are soon joined by Keith, Noah, Courtney and Olivia.

"Noah, no! Sit over there!", Anthony orders, pointing to the free spot next to Shayne. Noah looks at him quizzically, but then Keith nudges his elbow and makes a short movement with his head.

"Simon.", he whispers, clearly audible for Anthony.

"Yes, Simon. I'm sorry, okay? I know it's been two weeks, I should be talking to him, but I can't. I just can't right now. I have swimming practice, I have three essays to work on already, one presentation and JD wants me to tutor the new swimmers.", Anthony defends his actions. "I don't have time to deal with him right now."

"Hey, no one's blaming you.", Olivia says, shooting an angry look in the direction of Simon's table.

Only now does Anthony notice that all of his friends are in a really strange mood today. As if they are silently raging over something. Or someone?

"Guys, if you have a problem with the way I treated Simon, I understand-"

"It's not that! We're glad you broke up!", Courtney exclaims suddenly, her statement throwing off Anthony completely. "It's just...There is kind of a strange rumor going around."

"What rumor?" Anthony is clueless, he has had so much to do since he got back from spring break, he hasn't been paying too much attention to gossip.

"That you... Well, it's not like it is true, but rumor has it you...", Olivia begins, but halts, as if she doesn't want to continue speaking.

"Olivia, what is it?", Anthony pressures her and looks into uneasy faces. "Shayne?"

"I don't know where it came from, but I think we can all figure that out.", his friend begins, putting down his glass. "There's a rumor that you cheated on Simon with a hooker."

Anthony's fork makes a terribly piercing and clinging sound when it falls onto the plate. His jaw drops open and his eyes widen in shock.

"Yeah, I know, right?" Keith huffs, shaking his head. "This is really fucked up. I don't believe a word of it."

"There have been no names mentioned so far, but Simon – you bet you ass I think it was him! - well, he basically calls your new boyfriend a hooker. Ian, isn't it? Shayne told us a bit about him since you won't spill the beans.", Courtney says, nudging Anthony's shoulder. "He seems like a really nice and kind boy. I can't believe Simon would spread such a horrible rumor! We are all outraged!"

Anthony gulps. Hard.

"Don't worry, Anthony. It's just a rumor. There is no evidence. And basically no one believes it.", Noah comforts him and looks at him sympathetically.

"It's a good thing you broke it off. Who knows where this relationship with that nerd kid would have led you.", Shayne says, and smiles friendly at him. "I saw you with Ian. I think you've made the right choice. You deserve each other."

A huge lump is building up in Anthony's throat. No. He doesn't deserve Ian. Not a bit. He has trusted Simon with something. A secret, believing that Simon would keep it to himself. He chose to believe that Simon would not betray him. That he would be fine with their break-up. Anthony thought back then that by explaining Ian's situation that Simon would understand. He would get that Ian needed Anthony, and that he needed that time apart to help Ian get back on his feet. Apparently, that wasn't the case.

He has made a terrible mistake.

Ian jumps onto Anthony's bed, hugging the pillow and closing his eyes. A few more minutes and he will be skyping with Anthony. It's his favorite time of the week. They have talked it over and have made a plan. Since Anthony has a very strict schedule – his lectures, swimming practice and tutoring new swimmers – they meet up online on Wednesdays, then Fridays and Saturdays. It's Friday today, so this means they will chat longer than normal because both of them can sleep in tomorrow.

He opens his eyes again and checks the time. 7 pm, meaning it's 10 pm in Florida. Ian reaches for Anthony's laptop, types in the password and opens up Skype. Seconds later he can see Anthony's screen name pop up – freestyle16. Ian's username that Anthony has picked for him is sketchboy because of his drawings.

The familiar ringing sound goes off and Ian hits the video camera button.

Ian: "Hey there!"

Anthony: "Hey, Ian. How are you? How you've been since Wednesday?"

Ian: "I'm fine, thanks. I got a job at a bookstore! It's only part-time, but at least I got something to do. And I got time to draw." _(smiles)_

Anthony: "That's great! I'm happy for you." _(seems to be distracted)_

Ian: "Anthony? Is something bothering you?"

Anthony: "Huh? No, no, it's fine. I just have a lot of stuff to do for my classes. And JD is torturing us with more swimming practice next week." _(huffs, annoyed)_

Ian: "Oh, sorry to hear that. You kind of look exhausted to be honest."

Anthony: "Yeah, I'm pretty slumped."

 _(PAUSE)_

Ian: "Do you wanna go to bed? And we'll talk tomorrow?"

 _(Anthony looks away, as if pondering deeply over something)_

Ian: "Anthony?"

Anthony: "Huh?"

Ian: "You are not fine. Something is up. Can you please tell me? You might feel better after-"

Anthony: "Ian, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm really tired. I promise we'll talk more tomorrow, okay?"

Ian: _(sad)_ "Okay, no problem. See you tomorrow."

Anthony: "See you."

 _(END OF CALL)_

Anthony's face disappears from the screen. Weird. Anthony is always the one to prolong their conversations. One time Ian fell asleep during one call and Anthony couldn't force himself to end the call. He had watched him sleep for a while before softly speaking to him again and waking up.

This just has been really not like Anthony at all. To hang up like that. Although, he really didn't look good at all. Exhausted? Maybe. Worried. More like it. But about what? Ian tells himself to ask Anthony during their talk tomorrow. His mind is suddenly filled with strange and negative thoughts. What if Anthony has gotten tired of him? And he doesn't want to be together anymore? Well, it's not like Anthony has promised him anything, there is no label on their relationship. Or friendship. Or whatever this is. Ian is not even sure if Anthony loves him. He hasn't told him yet. They have talked so many times since Anthony has gone back to Florida but the l-word hasn't come up so far. Maybe Anthony simply doesn't love him. Maybe it's the guilt and pity that keeps him glued to the fragile and broken boy. And this thought scares the shit out of Ian.

* * *

Anthony is five minutes early. Just in case. He looks around the huge library and sees students deepened into their books and taking down notes. He should by doing that, too, actually. With him being all busy with studies and swimming practice there won't be much time to study right before the exams. He needs to start early.

"Sorry to keep you waiting.", a familiar voice suddenly says, coming from behind him.

He turns around and sees his ex-boyfriend leaning against the bookshelf.

"Thanks for meeting me.", Anthony says. He has picked the library as a meeting place so that Simon couldn't make a scene.

"No problem. I assume you want to talk?"

 _No, not talk. Not at all. I wanna scream and hit you and beat the shit out of you for badmouthing Ian, you sick bastard!_

"Yes, come with me."

Anthony leads them to the far back of the library where they can talk in peace and won't disturb anybody.

"So? What is it?", Simon asks innocently.

"You know exactly what is up. Don't act all stupid!", Anthony shout-whispers, towering over the smaller boy like a furious giant.

"You mean the rumor?"

"No, I mean my gigantic cock! Of course the fucking rumor!"

Anthony can't help it but sarcasm seems to be the only thing to be working for him right now.

"Okay, okay, I get it. I heard the rumor, too. And, frankly speaking, if this is really true, I am even more hurt than I already was, Anthony. A hooker? Seriously?"

Simon's scornful smirk drives Anthony almost over the edge.

"Simon! Don't play dumb! I know it was you! No one else knows about Ian... Ian's past. It had to be you."

The smaller boy doesn't answer but shakes his head slightly.

"What? Are you mocking me?", Anthony exclaims, quickly shutting up again. That was way too loud.

"Got me. It was me."

"Why, Simon? I mean... I confided in you! I thought we were still friends!"

"I never wanted to be just friends. I wanted you. Nothing more, nothing less. Just you. Your love. I thought when you went home over spring break that you would somehow miss me. So, imagine my surprise when I get a call from you, the first call since our goodbye, and it's not about missing me, but about breaking up with me. You know how hurt I was, Anthony?"

"And that's why you told everyone that I cheated on you with a hooker? For the record, Simon, I did NOT cheat! We were over when I started dating Ian. And I never really planned it. It just happened!"

"So, break up with him then! Come back to me! He doesn't deserve your generosity and your kindness, Anthony. You told me the story over the phone, remember? He left you! He decided to leave everything and everyone behind, including you, and went off to being a hooker! That was his choice! And now he's back all of a sudden? Haven't you asked yourself why he came back? After three years? Why now? You just took him in like a stray dog! Does he really care about you?"

Anthony hesitates to answer, but shakes off his doubts and continues to speak.

"He missed me. He wanted to make up. He wanted me to forgive him, although there was no reason to."

Simon takes a step back, hands in the pockets of his trousers, head facing down.

"If that really is the truth, then fine. I can understand that. That you wanted to be there for him, be his friend. But what I don't understand is why you are dating him all of a sudden. He never came up in our talks before. There is not one single picture of him anywhere in your room. Have you always loved him? Or do you love him at all? Or do you pity him? Do you feel guilty that you left California? Why are you with him, Anthony? Do you know that this affair may ruin your career if anyone ever finds out the truth about him? Are you willing to risk your dreams for him? Can't you just be his friend and come back to me?"

Anthony clenches his fist, already thinking about punching Simon hard in the face. But you just don't punch smaller boys, especially when they wear glasses.

"Fuck off, Simon. That's none of your business. And it never will be. I am done with you. If I hear about that rumor EVER again, I'm gonna beat you up so badly you will not be able to walk, talk or write for weeks. Are we clear?"

"I understand. I'll try my best to make the rumor disappear.", Simon answers quietly, looking up, staring into Anthony's eyes. "But I want you to think about it, Anthony. Really think about it. Do you love him? Really love him? And is he really worth it?"

Anthony wants to talk back but Simon whirls around and runs out of sight and earshot.

Of course, Ian is worth it.

Or isn't he?

* * *

"I was surprised to read your text.", Ian murmurs into the phone, stretching out on the bed.

"I can imagine that."

"Where are you now?", Ian wants to know, voice soft.

"New York. I've been to that diner... you know, the one we've met?"

Ian smiles at that memory.

"I remember. I was telling Anthony about that only a couple of weeks ago."

"Anthony, huh? Is that the friend you wanted to meet? Is he the reason you wanted to come to Sacramento?"

"Yes. Although, we haven't spoken to each other for so long... but it went well, our meeting I mean. He was overwhelmed to see me. And so was I."

"I'm glad to hear that.", Josh answers, and Ian imagines him smiling. He always had a weakness for Josh's gorgeous smiles.

"I also met up with my Mom, but... well, that's another story for another time. I live at Anthony's, his parents let me live here. And I also have a job at a bookstore."

"Hey, that is great! I just remembered that I'm all out of reading material..."

Ian laughs out loud. That is such a big lie. Josh has always something to read, and even if it's printed toilet paper. He has a vast collection of books, always refilling his stock, never running out of new books to read.

"Well, next time you're in Sacramento, you can stop by and I'll show you some books I am sure you haven't even heard of yet."

"You got yourself a deal."

There is a slight pause in which Ian considers the fact that it might have been a bad idea to reply to Josh's message. And to answer Josh's call. But also, it feels good talking to him. They were always good at that.

"So, I guess you are not in the business anymore?", Josh asks, sounding a bit disappointed.

"Officially, yes."

"And unofficially?"

"I could make an exception for you."

 _Why the hell have I just said?_

"I'll take you up on that offer." Josh laughs. "Okay, I gotta go back to the office. I just wanted... Well, I just wanted to see how you're doing. I'm glad to hear you're fine."

"Yes, I am."

 _Am I?_

"So, see you soon maybe. Take care, Ian."

"You, too."

Ian hangs up and puts his phone aside. What is he doing? This is wrong. So wrong. So very fucked-up wrong. He sits up and looks around the room. Saturday evening. Usually, he would be skyping with Anthony right now, but there has been no message or text or phone call from his friend all day long. Ian reaches once again for his laptop and signs in. He needs to distract himself and decides to browse the internet for some funny videos and cooking advice.

Suddenly a funny pinging noise attracts his attention, telling him that someone has sent him a text in Skype.

 **A:** **ian r u there?**

Ian's heart skips a beat.

 **I: yes** i **am. r u okay?**

 **A: wanna talk to u**

This sounds serious. Too serious. Is it already time to say goodbye to Anthony?

 **I: okay**

Seconds later the Skype phone is ringing and Ian hits the video camera button.

Ian: "Hi."

Anthony: "Hi."

 _(PAUSE)_

Anthony: _(rubs the back of his hand over his eyes)_ "I'm sorry, Ian. I am so sorry-"

Ian: "It's okay. I understand. I'm just glad we met, and could make up. _(wipes away some tears building up in the corners of his eyes)_ I'm happy that you're okay and are chasing your dreams. I'm only in your way and I-"

Anthony: "Ian, stop! What? No! That's not what I was... _(confused, shakes his head)_ Ian, I am sorry because of yesterday. Me acting all weird. I wasn't tired. My mind was occupied with certain things... I found out that Simon, my ex-boyfriend, had spread a horrible rumor about me – and it was kind of about you, too."

Ian: "Why would he do such a thing?"

Anthony: "He was jealous, and he couldn't deal with our break-up. I talked to him and it should be fine now. _(runs a hand through his hair)_ Ian, I want you to know, that you matter to me, a lot. And I miss you every single day. I fill my days with tasks and practice and studying so that I don't think about you that much, to keep myself distracted. But that rarely happens. _(chuckles)_ You are everywhere. In my head. Under my skin. In my heart."

Ian: "Anthony..."

Anthony: "I want to see you. Soon. I will try to get a flight back home in about a week or two. I will let you know when exactly. JD is gonna flip, but I don't care. I want to hold you in my arms. You mean so much to me, Ian."

Ian: "I want to see you, too, but only if it doesn't get you into trouble."

Anthony: "I will take care of that. Don't worry."

 _(both boys smile)_

Anthony: "So, tell me about that job of yours."

And then they talk, like nothing ever happened. Ian tells him about the bookstore, and Anthony tells him more about university life. They laugh and chat, and Ian doesn't want it to end. He shows Anthony a new picture he has drawn of him which makes Anthony blush. When it's time to say goodbye none of them want to hang up.

Anthony: "Good night."

Ian: "Sleep tight."

Anthony: "Don't let the bed bugs bite."

Ian: "I won't. I'd rather you to bite me." _(winks)_

Anthony: _(pause, stares at the screen)_ "I will try to get a flight next weekend."


	15. Chapter 14 - The Unwanted

**Title: Chapter 14 – The Unwanted**

 **Warning: R-rated, slight smut**

 **A/N: Summer Swimming Competition. Ian visits Anthony in Florida. Ian's POV.**

"Spill. It's time.", are the first words that Ian says when he enters Jo's room announced. Jo almost drops her phone in shock and lets out a scared squeal when she sees Ian barging in.

"Hello? Privacy?"

"Screw that!", Ian exclaims and sits down on her bed. "It's been a month. Something is up."

"I...I don't know what you mean…", she stutters, gets up from the bed and walks over to her desk.

"You are out almost every Saturday. You check your phone every five seconds. You can't stop grinning. There is only one reason for that – you got yourself a boyfriend."

Jo doesn't say anything but turns red as a tomato.

"I knew it. Who is it? You know that Anthony is going to kill me if he finds out? I was supposed to look out for you!"

"Oh, stop it. I don't need a fucking babysitter. I can take care of myself. It's not like he's some kind of predator, Anthony does know him, you know-"

"So, I was right! There is someone!"

Jo curses silently.

"Come on, just tell me. I won't tattletale. Promise." Ian makes a cross over his heart.

"Alright. If you really wanna know…" Jo walks over to him, unlocks her phone and opens her gallery folder. She clicks through some pictures and holds up her phone at one point. Ian takes a look at the picture and smiles a broad grin.

"Dude, you are totally cute together!"

"I really like him.", Jo adds in a low but loving voice. "He's goofy, and he makes me laugh."

"And does Laser feel the same way about you?"

"Yes, I think so. It's way to soon for the L-word, but we enjoy spending time together. I feel safe around him, and he makes me happy. Isn't that what you feel when you're with Anthony?"

Ian smiles at that, takes out his own phone and shows Jo some pictures Anthony has sent him. Anthony at the pool. A secret selfie taken in a huge lecture hall. Anthony lying on his bed, smiling gently. In the dining hall, Shayne next to him, stealing food from Anthony's plate. A group picture of Anthony and his friends.

"I miss him."

"I know." She wraps an arm around his waist and rest his head on his shoulder. "I'm really sorry that Anthony couldn't visit you in the end."

"I'm not mad. He has a lot to do. It's actually better that way. It would have been too hard to say goodbye again.", Ian replies.

"Just know that Anthony misses you, too. Very much so. And he really can't wait to see you next week.", Jo adds knowingly.

"You talked to him? When?"

"This morning. I'm actually not supposed to tell you this, but-"

"LALALALALALALALA! I DON'T WANNA KNOW!", Ian screams, hands over his ears. "If Anthony has planned a surprise, I don't wanna ruin it. And you shouldn't, too."

"Relax, I was just messing with you.", Jo laughs.

"Do you wanna see what I've drawn for Anthony?", Ian asks shyly but his face lights up the moment Jo jumps up and nods excitedly. They walk over to Anthony's room and Ian rummages through his sketchbooks. He has three small ones, those are the ones that have accompanied him throughout his whole journey, and also a bigger, newer one. Anthony has bought this one for him, a very expensive one, with better paper quality and he also has bought him a new pencil set. It has been his goodbye present for Ian.

"When I came back after we had dropped him off at the airport, this way lying on the bed, red ribbon, and a card.", Ian explains to Jo, blushing slightly. "Here. That's it."

He shows her a very fine and detailed drawing of Anthony in the water, floating, looking up.

"It's my first colored drawing. Do you think he will like it?"

"Ian… This is incredible. Did he act as a model for that?", Jo asks, taking the picture in her hands and staring at it in amazement.

"No. I've watched him swimming in the pool a lot of times, and this is how I imagine him to be."

"He looks so peaceful, content and happy." Jo's eyes suddenly begin to glisten.

"Jo? Is something wrong?"

"It's nothing… It's just… I haven't seem my stupid big brother so happy in a long time. And I know he's like that because of you."

Ian's eyes widen, his cheeks turning even redder.

"He is gonna love this, Ian. Do you want to frame it?", she asks, handing him back the drawing.

"Uhm… I'm not sure. I haven't even thought about that."

"Then it's settled. We'll drive to the mall tomorrow and I'll help you pick one out, okay?"

"Okay."

Ian smiles at her, cheerfully. Jo has convinced him that Anthony will appreciate his present. He can't wait to see his friend's face. Next weekend seems suddenly like an eternity away.

* * *

"I wouldn't worry about that.", Ian hears a familiar voice behind him and turns around. He looks into the friendly face of Shayne.

"What do you mean?", he asks, frowning.

"Anthony and Simon."

Shayne makes a slight head gesture into the direction of the two boys who are standing by the pool, talking.

It's finally Anthony's turn to show off his swimming skills. He told Ian yesterday that he was quite nervous since JD would be competing, too. The weather is amazing, it's warm and sunny, and the whole competition is quite a success. It has drawn a lot of people and families to the university. It was difficult to find Anthony's dorm room in all of those hallways and people, but when they finally lay in each other's arms, the stress and sadness of being apart for so long was forgotten at once.

This is the last swim of the day, 100 meters freestyle, and Anthony is getting ready, stretching a bit and talking to his team mates. Simon has joined him, for whatever reason, and they seem to be chatting away quite enthusiastically. Which doesn't really make sense to Ian since Anthony seemed to be really angry with his ex only a few weeks ago.

"Why are they even talking?", Ian suddenly asks out loud, starting to get uncomfortable on his seat.

Anthony's parents, Jo and himself have found some good seats in the middle of the grandstand. Anthony's friends, Shayne, Noah, Keith and Courtney, are right behind them. Olivia is down by the pool, coaching the team and giving last instructions.

"That's what we are wondering, too.", Noah interjects, also a stern expression on his face.

"I just don't get it. He told me himself that he doesn't want anything to do with him anymore." Ian huffs, sounding more annoyed than before.

"They've made up only a couple of days ago.", Shayne explains, leaning forward so that Ian can hear him better. "I told him it was a bad idea, and that Simon probably is still plotting something weird. But he didn't listen. Maybe he just feels sorry for him."

"That would be typical for Anthony.", Keith mentions, which makes Ian listen up.

"Yeah, he has a big and good heart. It's like him to take care of the strays and the unwanted.", Courtney adds and sighs deeply. "He just can't help it."

Ian's chest stings unexpectedly and he clutches his chest, rubbing the spot over his heart. However, there's no more time to deepen the conversation since the competition is about to begin.

"All contestants please take their positions!", the announcer's voice can be heard through the loudspeakers.

Ian sees Anthony step onto the starting block, and Simon runs to the side, standing next to Olivia now, who doesn't really seem to like that.

"Ready! Set! Go!"

The referee blows the whistle, the swimmers take off and the cheering begins. Jo screams the loudest, followed by Anthony's mother and father. Ian just claps along, trying to smile and laugh. Behind him, Anthony's friends are holding up a huge banner with the words "SWIM DOLPHIN SWIM!" written in huge colorful letters on it.

It's a close race, with Anthony coming in second, right after JD. They are only .3 seconds apart, which to Ian doesn't seem to be such a big deal, but he can see Anthony's disappointment when he gets out of the pool. He looks over to the grandstand and waves at his parents, Jo and Ian, giving them a sad smile.

"He's way too hard on himself.", Ian can hear Shayne say behind him. "He was amazing. His technique is getting better and better. And it is really hard to win against JD. He's not become captain of the swimming team because of his fine cooking skills!"

Words that should cheer up Anthony, words he has probably heard many times before, yet the sadness and defeat is very visible on his face when he is surrounded by his team mates. Ian sees JD approaching Anthony, and taking him into a quick hug, smiling comfortingly. Anthony nods, waves one last time over to his family and disappears in the changing room.

"Poor baby.", Anthony's mother says sadly. "Should we go downstairs and cheer him up?"

"Let him just be for a while.", his father retorts and stands up. "We said we'd meet him at the restaurant later. Give him time to calm down. I know my son, he needs this time alone."

They all nod and follow Anthony's father downstairs. They are almost out of the swimming pool area when Ian suddenly stops mid-walk.

"Shit! I forgot my backpack!" The drawing is in there. He has planned to give it to Anthony after the competition.

"We'll wait in the car.", Anthony's mother answers, and Ian dashes away.

The grandstand is almost completely empty, only a few students and family members here and there, waiting for their loved ones to return or talking about the results and college life in general. He rushes upstairs to their former seats and can already make out his back pack under one of them. Thank God. He kneels down and unzips the back compartment and sighs relieved. It's still there.

"Nice picture."

Ian turns around and sees a boy his age standing behind him. Short hair, glasses, a smug smile on his face.

"Thank you.", Ian replies in a low voice, knowing exactly who he is dealing with right now.

"I like your drawing technique. You're pretty good." The boy smirks even more. "For a hooker that is."

Ian cannot move a single inch. He looks up at the boy, completely stunned and dumbfounded by Simon's words, feeling smaller and more insignificant than ever before.

"I don't have to remind you that you could ruin Anthony's career with your relationship. It would be really awful if someone was to find out about your past. Imagine the embarrassment, and also the rejection Anthony would go through. No scout would want him. That would really be the end of everything. The end of his dream he has been working so hard for."

Simon pauses, still looking down at Ian.

"I am sure you don't want that. You love him way too much to do something so terrible to him, am I right?"

He leans down so they are face to face.

"If I were you, I would leave him alone. Leave, and never come back. You would do us all a big favor by disappearing out of Anthony's life."

He straightens up again, turning his attention to the pool, smiling at something, and then he's looking back at Ian.

"Keep up the good work. See you around."

Simon turns around on his heels and walks way, leaving a very shaken up Ian behind.

* * *

"Finally home!", Anthony exclaims, stuffed and exhausted, and throws himself on his bed. "Why didn't you stop me when I ordered dessert?"

Ian sits down next to his friend, putting his backpack down on the floor.

"I could never do that. You were so excited.", he answers, fake-smiling.

"You didn't eat a lot. Didn't you like the Thai food?", Anthony wants to know and stretches his worn down legs and arms.

"No, it was fine. I'm just not used to eating so much."

"I understand." Anthony props himself up on his elbows. "Wanna join me over here?"

"I… I wanted…", Ian stutters and begins to unzip his backpack. "I got you something… or rather made you something… drew you something."

"Really? What is it?" Anthony sits up at once, sounding excited.

"It's not a big deal. I thought you could use a little color in your room. It looks a bit too… dark."

"Come on! You are killing me! Show me!"

Anthony scoots closer and watches Ian closely as he is pulling out the framed drawing. Jo and he have picked out a slightly thicker shimmering white frame, which brings out the colors of the drawing very well.

"Here. Congratulations on your swim today." He pauses and adds, "I thought you were really good today."

He hands Anthony the drawing, hiding his blushed face behind his bangs again. He hasn't been to the hairdresser yet. For a very good reason.

"Ian…", Anthony begins, gazing at the picture he is holding now. "This is… I am speechless. This is beautiful."

"You like it?", Ian asks quietly and in disbelief.

"Like it? I love it!", his friend shouts out and gets to his feet. "I will hang it right next to my bed, so I can look at it every day when I wake up."

"Anthony?"

"No? Not the right place? But I want to look at it every-"

"No, it's fine there. Hang it wherever you want." He doesn't mean to sound annoyed, but he can't help it.

Anthony puts down the picture on the nightstand and sits down next to Ian again. Concerned eyes. Great. More pity Ian doesn't need.

"What is it? Just talk to me, Ian."

No, he doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want to confront Anthony with all of his weird thoughts and fears. He doesn't want Anthony to know that he has been agonizing over Simon's words from earlier today. And that he thinks that Simon is right. He sees it, too, yet he doesn't want to believe it. He wants to stay here, with Anthony. He wants to keep on loving him. He is scared to ask his friend all the questions that are torturing his heart and soul. Do you love me? Do you really want to be with me? Do you want me to leave? Why do you care about me? Is it pity? Why are you willing to ruin your career for me? Are you even aware of that?

Anthony has told him time and time again that he cares about Ian, that he wants them to be together. But maybe Ian is the "stray of the day" that Anthony wants to save. The broken one he wants to fix. The unwanted toy nobody wants that Anthony just plays with at the moment until he gets bored and throws him away.

To get rid of all these thoughts and to make Anthony stop talking, Ian leans over and kisses him hard on the lips. He pulls him down on the bed, lips still locked, tongues invading each other's mouths, Anthony lying on top of him. Ian's mind trick seems to work, the taller boy has forgotten everything and is about to lose himself in Ian's touches and kisses. They undress each other, finally skin rubbing against skin, causing heat and much longed for friction. Their lovemaking is tender and gentle, Anthony is careful as to not hurt Ian in any kind of way. He showers his scarred and bruised body with thousands and thousands of kisses. When he's inside of Ian's smaller and fragile body, Ian lets go of everything, his dark thoughts, his fears, and simply enjoys their intimate and loving moment together. He clings onto Anthony's body, his fingers digging into the back of his lover when he comes hard and long, shouting out his climax into the night. Anthony follows him shortly after that, embracing Ian tightly, his whole body shaking with ecstasy.

After they have cleaned up and got back into bed, Ian lies wrapped up inside of Anthony's arms, focusing on the other boy's calm and steady breathing rhythm. Just for a second longer, just one more moment of happiness and no worries. He wants to enjoy this. He wants to get rid of Simon's words that seem to be ringing endlessly inside of his ears and mind.

" _Leave, and never come back."_

"Anthony?", he whispers and receives a mumbled "Mmmh?" back in response. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No…", Anthony mutters, pulling Ian closer. "Stay… Don't wanna be alone tonight."

Ian smiles. That's not what he meant, actually, but it will have to do for now. Anthony's sleepy words manage to calm him down a bit. He manages to push Simon out of his head for the time being. He will deal with that later. Right now, he tries to relax and snuggles up closer against his already sleeping friend.

"Okay.", he replies quietly and kisses Anthony gently on the lips. "I'll stay."


	16. Chapter 15 - Memories

**Title: Chapter 15 – Memories**

 **A/N: A flashback chapter. All the important flashbacks you need to understand the story a bit more. Flashbacks happen in chronological order.**

It's actually quite a beautiful building. It is painted in a very light yellow color, it looks like one of those houses you see in Hollywood movies, but instead of two this house has three floors and it's a lot bigger than your normal family house. Still, it has the obligatory white picket fence, a front porch with a small bench and huge garden. It's a little outside of Sacramento. It really does look nice. Considering the fact that it's a mental institution.

Ian is greeted very friendly by the staff and a nurse walks him to his mother's room. Every patient has their own one, so that the patients can have their privacy and have a place where they can retrieve to when the stress is getting too much. There is also common room, a dining room, and even a small computer room.

"It's good of you to come again, Ian.", the nurse says. "I know it must be hard on you, but visiting her might help trigger her memory."

Ian doesn't answer but keeps on walking. Throughout the last one and a half months he has been visiting his mother every week, but there has been no change in her condition so far. He doesn't want to admit it, but Ian is slowly giving up hope.

They reach the room and he is left alone in front of it. The door is wide open, he can see his mother sitting in her chair, reading a book, smiling lightly. He gently knocks at the door before entering, and she looks up at him. She is having a good day, Ian can tell already. Bad days are filled with screams and tears. Today she actually smiles at him. A friendly and genuine smile.

"Hello.", she greets him and puts her book aside.

"Hi." Ian has made the experience that calling his mother "Mom" is not the best way to start the conversation. It has sometimes triggered a negative reaction. "I don't know if you remember me. I was here last week. I'm Ian."

"Yes, I think I remember."

Ian smiles, having heard that answer a couple of times already.

"How are you feeling today?"

"I'm fine, thank you.", she answers while watching him sitting down on a chair opposite of her. "And you?"

"I'm okay.", Ian replies, leaning forward and looking down. He is not really paying attention to her words since it has been always the same conversation so far. He is just happy to see her doing well.

"You know, you kind of remind me of someone.", she says, squinting her eyes.

"Really? Who?", he asks absentmindedly.

"My son."

This is a first. Ian's eyes shoot up, a shocked expression on his face.

"What… what was his name?", he asks carefully, stuttering.

"I… I don't remember.", she begins, eyes sad suddenly. "I think something happened to him. I can't remember…" She rubs her right temple with her fingers.

"It's okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.", he tries to calm her down, but at the same time he wants to hear more. "Do… do you want to tell me what you can remember?"

There it is again. A happy and genuine smile. A good memory.

"He was about 7 or 8 years old. First week of junior high. He came home and told me about this boy he had met at school. He was so excited."

Anthony. That was Anthony. Ian remembers that day, too.

"His father didn't really care for that. But I was so happy for him. He seemed to have finally found a friend."

His father. She mentioned his father.

"Why didn't your husband care?"

"He never really did. My son never seemed to exist for him. Must have been the fact that they weren't really father and son. There always seemed to be a certain kind of distance between them."

 _No shit._

 **~***~ Flashback ~***~**

"Mom! Mom!"

"What is it, honey?"

"Can I stay at Anthony's this weekend? We got a project for school…. and…we really need to work on that."

"Yeah, right. Project." Ian's mother laughs out loud. "I know why you wanna stay there. But it's fine with me."

"Don't you have a test next week?", his father interjects, not looking up from his newspaper.

"Yes, but Anthony wants to help me study for that one, too.", Ian replies, swallowing hard.

"I sure hope so." He gets up and walks down the hallway to his home office. "I expect good results then."

Ian watches him disappear in his room.

"I will never be good enough, will I?", he asks out loud, hanging his head. "Why is he always like that?"

His mother doesn't answer but takes him into a big, loving hug.

"It'll be okay. I'll talk to your father. You just have fun."

Hearing those words, Ian nods, a small smile appearing on his face. A weekend with his new best friend. This is going to be awesome.

~***~Fast Forward ~***~

"No, dude, you gotta use the Great Ball to catch that Pokemon!"

Ian looks down from Anthony's bed to his friend who is sitting in front of it on the floor.

"Oh. Okay." Anthony clicks through his item list. "I don't have one."

"Oh my God, what would you do without me?" Ian rubs a hand over his face, letting out a frustrated groan. "Well, now you gotta flee. Or you have to beat it."

"I can't run away.", Anthony says in a monotonous voice.

"Sweet Jesus!" Ian grips Anthony's Gameboy. "I'll do it for you. But only this once. I can't help you every single time you get into trouble, dude!"

"Sorry."

Anthony is starring at the ground, while Ian eyes him from time to time, trying not to kill the Pokemon his friend wants to catch so badly.

"There." He hands Anthony his Gameboy. "Now go straight to the next PokeShop and buy some bigger balls." He snickers at his own joke.

"Okay." Anthony takes the console from Ian's hands and continues to play.

For the next half hour neither one of them speaks, the only noise being some rock music from the TV.

"Hey, Anthony?", Ian suddenly says, putting his Gameboy aside.

"Hm?"

"Are you scared of next school year?"

"What do you mean?"

"Out last year at junior high?"

"Oh." Anthony pauses. "Not really. You?"

"Uhm… No! Not at all!", Ian lies.

Another ten minutes go by without a word being spoken.

"Hey, Anthony?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think your Mom left us some Lasagna for a midnight snack?"

"Are you hungry?", Anthony replies, not looking up.

"No, just… I'm kind of in the mood for another bite."

"Oh. I would hurry up if I were you then."

Ian rolls his eyes.

"You mean…?"

"Yup."

"Jo.", they say in unison.

"Okay, in that case, I'm gonna go to the kitchen.", Ian mentions and gets up from the bed.

He's at the door when he turns around to face his friend again.

"Hey, Anthony?"

"Hm?"

"Can I stay the whole week?"

"Sure.", is the simple and immediate response.

Ian smiles.

"Cool."

~***~ Fast Forward ~***~

"So… I guess that's it."

Ian's got his hands stuffed in his jeans pockets, not being able to stand still. His feet are moving constantly, his whole mood can only be described as restless, and very much stressed out. The small moving truck behind Anthony is throwing a huge shadow on the two boys who are standing opposite of each other. This is the day Ian has been dreading all summer long. This is it. This is goodbye.

"Yes, I think it is."

"And you will be back on Christmas, right?"

"Yeah, that's the plan."

"Okay. Cool. So… that's like… not that long. A few months. Four, to be exact. That's not a lot. That's nothing, really, if you thin about it. Just a few days."

"Yeah. A few days."

Silence falls between them and both of them stare to the ground.

"Anthony! I'm sorry, but we gotta go now!", his father calls from the other side of the truck, getting inside.

Ian takes a deep breath. He then looks up and grins broadly.

"Hey, it's gonna be fine! Swim! Make me proud, dolphin!", he exclaims cheerfully. Well, at least it sounds like it.

"I… I will.", Anthony replies a bit surprised.

"See you soon! Have a safe trip!"

"Thanks." Anthony furrows his brows, looking confused. "Bye."

"Bye!"

Ian watches Anthony get inside the truck, sit down next to his father, and roll down the window. Ian keeps on smiling and grinning and waving until he can't see the truck anymore. Then he runs inside the house, dashes up the stairs to his room, throws himself on his bed and cries over losing his best friend.

~***~ Fast Forward ~***~

Ian's eyes are ice cold. Serious. Rage glimmering in them. So are Anthony's.

"Take. That. Back.", Anthony spits out through gritted teeth.

"No." Ian's voice is hard as stone. "You first."

"No. Way."

Continued and hardened fight.

A lot has been said in those few minutes since they met at the playground. At first they were both happy to see each other, shook hands, shared some stories. And then Ian asked why Anthony hadn't visited sooner. It escalated rather quickly from then on. Anthony's face hardened at once. Snappish answers. Serious eyes. Avoiding eye contact. No explanation really. Just accusations. Swimming practice. A lot of work. Tough school life. Trying to keep up. Trying to follow his dreams. Ian wouldn't understand. He had no pressure and stress. He had no goal he was aiming for. He had no dreams.

And that's when Ian started screaming, shouting, yelling at his friend. No dreams? So, obviously he was trash, a nobody and a loser in Anthony's eyes. That's what it was, right? Nothing more, nothing less. Loser-Ian who couldn't get good grades, who sucked at studying, who wasn't good at anything really, who had always been a troublemaker, who didn't care about anything and anyone but himself. Anthony was obviously better than him, wasn't that right? The rich kid. Everything served on a golden plate. Popular. No problems. Loving parents. A great relationship with his father. No worries. No troubles. A spoiled little brat.

"Fuck that shit.", Ian suddenly says and looks away. "I'm done. Think whatever the fuck you want. Go back to your fucking perfect life."

He glances at his former friend, trying to read his reaction. Tears. Streaming down Anthony's face.

"Fuck you, Ian. You wanna be alone? Fine. I won't give a fuck about you anymore.", he finally brings out, teeth still gritted, breathing heavily through his nose. "Fuck. You."

Anthony turns around and leaves a furious and aggravated Ian standing all alone at the playground. It takes him a while to come back to his senses and to settle his feelings. He has been sitting on the swing, watching the sun set on the neighborhood. Now, he is coming to his feet. No, he is not going home. He is too messed up and wouldn't be able to go through another fight with his step-dad. Step-dad. It's been a month already since he got the news and he still cannot get used to that word. Step-dad. Sounds weird.

It's already dark when he decides to walk around the neighborhood for a while, heading for a small park area nearby. He slumps down on the lawn at one point, pressing his knees to his chest, waiting for something to happen. He is not sure what exactly. Maybe a miracle which would allow him to turn back time. No. No! Why should he feel sorry? It was Anthony who started it all! No dreams. Ian scoffs. At least he's not an idiot who believes he is really going to be an Olympic swimmer. As if that was ever going to happen. Anthony is a fucking fool! At least Ian has… He has… Well, he has a lot of…

Nothing. Ian has nothing.

No dreams. No goals. No future.

Fuck.

Nothing is keeping here. Why is he even staying in this pit hole? He won't make it through high school, that's a given. His father is not his father. Which wouldn't be so bad, but he doesn't even like Ian. Not a bit. His mother is already talking about divorce. He doesn't see his old friends, Sohinki and Laser, from junior high anymore. His best friend… former best friend has changed completely. He is alone. There is nothing keeping him here. He should just go away.

Leave. And never come back.

 **~***~Flashback Over ~***~**

"My Mom remembered me."

"Really? That's great!"

Ian sighs into the phone.

"Well, not really the 'me' in front of her. But she remembered having a son. That's something, right?"

"Yes, that is good news. It seems like she is slowly getting her memory back."

Ian smiles.

"Ian? Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why are you calling me when you've got Anthony?"

Ian stays silent for a few seconds, pondering over that question. Nothing comes to mind. His head is empty.

"No reason."

"Liar."


End file.
